Mary Gordon - Roots of Empathy: Changing the World Child by Child

Praise for Mary Gordons
Roots of Empathy: Changing the World Child by Child

Empathy, an innate human quality that arises in a child from nurturing attachment relationships, is increasingly rare in our stressed, alienated, and disconnected culture. Mary Gordons Roots of Empathy program, outlined in this indispensable book, provides young students with an environment in which they can interact with someone even more vulnerable than they, under the care and attention of loving adults. Empathy grows naturally.

GABOR MAT, MD, author of
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

[An] impressive book Its a bold and wonderful idea, part of a movement to put empathetic understanding of other people alongside the academic concerns of education and close to the center of our society.

The Globe and Mail

This brilliant program belongs in every classroom in every school in every country of the world, forever. Theres no better way to teach empathythe essential human trait.

RAFFI CAVOUKIAN,
singer, author, and founder of Child Honoring

a comprehensive guide to fostering empathy and thus social responsibility among children and adults.

Quill & Quire

Can babies prevent bullying? It may sound far-fetched, but [this] program that brings infants into classrooms is making huge waves.

Halifax Daily News

This is a remarkable book. In clear and lively language, Mary Gordon introduces us to the wisdom of babies and shows us how they can teach usand our childrenwhat it is to be human. Over a lifetime, I have learned that the human capacities for empathy and respect must be fostered from earliest childhood to reduce violence in the world and build a truly civil society.

THE HONOURABLE LANDON PEARSON,
Advisor on Childrens Rights to the Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs

Mary Gordon has opened the door to finally treating the whole child in a practical, no-nonsense, yet sensitive and compassionate way.

MICHAEL FULLAN, Professor Emeritus,
Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at the University of Toronto

this is an important book as it cogently offers us another piece to fill in the puzzle of human behavior. It reminds us, as David Hume said, that the heart has reasons reason cannot comprehend.

Winnipeg Free News

Roots of Empathy is rife with stories of schoolyard bullies converting to supportive classmates. It is a wonderfully fluid book, with a hopeful model that constitutes a new model for child rearing.

Canadian Jewish News

Changing the World
Child by Child

MARY GORDON

Foreword by Daniel J. Siegel, MD

Copyright 2005, 2007, 2009 by Mary Gordon
Foreword copyright 2009 by Daniel J. Siegel

The right of Mary Gordon to be identified as the Author of this work has been asserted by her.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced,
distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database
or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

The Experiment, LLC
260 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10001-6425
www.theexperimentpublishing.com

This American edition published by
arrangement with Thomas Allen Publishers, a division of
Thomas Allen & Son Limited, Toronto, Canada.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009925219
ISBN 978-1-61519-007-2

Cover design by Alison Forner
Cover photograph by Melanie Gordon

Manufactured in the United States of America
Distributed by Workman Publishing Company
Distributed simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son, Limited
First U.S. edition published in September 2009

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my parents, George and Helen Dyer,
who loved me well and would have been
very happy to read this book.

To the thousands of parents who, with their babies, have volunteered the gift of their time to the Roots of Empathy family, thank you.

To all of the Roots of Empathy instructors, mentors, and trainers who have shared their stories, thank you. To the Roots of Empathy staff, whose energy and commitment light each day, thank you. A special note of love and thanks to the memory of Dr. Dan Offord, a founding board member whose influence led Roots of Empathy to become a research-based program. He encouraged me to measure what I treasure. A big thank-you to Merrill Lynch, our first major corporate sponsor in Canada.

To our Board of Directors, who provide unerring direction and support for the dream and the everyday construction of our yellow brick road, thank you.

To Susan Cook and her unfailing good humor, who, more than anyone else, has made this book happenmany thanks.

To Patrick Crean and Jim Allen, of Thomas Allen Publishers, who had faith in me and this project, your patience and encouragement during the writing of this book showed me what a civilized world publishing can be, thank you.

To Joan Green, who read the first draft and offered much encouragement. Thank you.

To Heather McFarlane and Christopher Sarson, old friends, supporters, and coconspirators in the early development of Roots of Empathy, thank you.

To all of those who helped in many ways to deliver this story, thank you.

To my husband, Keith, for being my trusted sounding board. To my daughter, Melanie, for her endless patience and her help with writing. To my son, Eric, who inspires me on a regular basis, thank you.

To my oldest brother, Gwynne Dyer, for many hours of discussion, reflection, and cheerleading. To my sister Susan Knight, who never stops opening doors in my life. To my two younger brothers, Dave and Jeff Dyer, who helped me with strategy in the early days and every day offer their encouragement and love.

To my executive assistant, Sheri Fogarty, who came into the project late but consistently cleared a path for me and truly joins me in the ethos of this book. To Kathryn Martin for her brilliant editing and her quiet, nurturing ways. To Christine Boyer, who shared a love of childrens art with me and meticulously filed the childrens renderings, allowing my choosing of artwork for the book to be a delight.

To Caitlin Brubacher for her intelligent research, passion, and boundless good nature.

To Annie Bratton, who has been an indispensable help and support to all my work in the last two years, thank you.

Empathy comes in many colors. Often we think of our ability to see from another persons perspective as the essence of social intelligence. This cognitive form of empathy reveals how we make maps of others minds to understand how they feel, what they think, and even imagine ourselves walking in their mental shoes. Others can also feel felt by us, sensing that their feelings are in tune with oursthat we resonate with their own inner life. This form of emotional empathy enables us to feel close and comforted, to sense that others are connected to us beneath and beyond the logic and linear thinking of linguistic language. And even more, others can feel that we are concerned about them, that we have compassion for their pain, take joy in their triumphs. This empathic concern is yet another color on empathys rainbow.