Krister Ungerböck - 22 Talk SHIFTs: Tools to Transform Leadership in Business, in Partnership, and in Life

The beginning of my own communication transformation did not start while I was learning to lead in French and German after establishing the European headquarters of the software company (USI) where I ultimately became CEO. Nor did it start while leading our company from a small team in St. Louis to 3,000 percent growth and hundreds of employees in eight countries worldwide.

I unexpectedly discovered my own need to change how I was communicating, at both work and home, in the most unlikely of placesthe YMCA, while signing up for a gym membership.

It was a typical, busy day when I found myself at the YMCA.

A YMCA employee was typing my responses into the computer when she asked the question that changed my life.

Who is your emergency contact? she asked.

I paused. And then I broke down crying.

I had no one.

You see, in the weeks leading up to that moment, I had initiated a painful business divorce with my business partner. And at the same time, my wife had decided to divorce me.

My business partner and I had wildly succeeded in business together despite bitter, daily conflict. For 25 years, we argued nearly every time we spoke. He was now 75 years old, and as he got older, the conflict was getting worse. Id tried coaches, communication experts, psychologists, professional mediators, conflict resolution experts, board membersnothing worked.

By this time, Id been CEO for nearly five years and, despite the bitter behind - closed - doors conflict, we had managed to double the size of the company.

I concluded that the only way to bring the conflict to an end would be to buy the company. So I challenged him.

Just name your price. If I cant convince investors to put up enough money to buy you out, then Im not the right person to be CEO. Consider my offer, and lets find a solution over the coming months, I said.

Less than 24 hours later, without asking a single clarifying question about my offer, he called a short meeting and delivered his response: There is no price at which I would sell the company to you. And since I had made it clear that I would move on if we couldnt come to an agreement, I resigned.

Twenty - five years earlier, my business partner had dangled the carrot of taking over his business someday and lured me away from a dream job in Chicago at one of the most prestigious strategy consulting firms in the world. The allure of becoming CEO upon his retirement spurred me to take a 50 percent pay cut and join him. Within a year, wed turned around his struggling ten - person business. Within three years, wed grown 300 percent. Ultimately, we grew the company together into a global software company, winning five consecutive Top Workplaces awards, achieving remarkable employee engagement levels of 99.3 percent, and becoming a dominant player in our nicheevent management software.

Our 25- year business partnership ended overnight. To consider my offer, he took less than one hour for every year that Id worked 60- to 100- hour weeks growing his business.

As I calmly left the meeting, one of my fathers favorite phrases echoed in my head: With friends like that, who needs enemies.

Except my business partner wasnt my enemy.

He was my father.