Judith Warner - And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School

Fascinatingwell researchedJudith Warner interviews scores of fellow middle school survivors in her accomplished and highly readable new book.She also gets personal with her tales of middle school woeboth as a former student and as a parent.

Shannon Hale, The New York Times Book Review

With clarity, compassion, and insight, And Then They Stopped Talking to Me brilliantly captures the landscape of todays kids experiences and the psychological, familial, and cultural forces shaping them. Along the way, Warner debunks age-old myths and offers practical guidance that every parent can use.

Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

In And Then They Stopped Talking to Me, Warner reminds us of the emotional, psychological, and cognitive demands of early adolescenceboth our own and that of our children. With her usual sharply tuned ability to chronicle the traumatic in the ordinary, Warner reminds us of our primary role with our middle school children: to remain steadfastly compassionate and to help them make sense of the chaotic and unforgiving world they often live in. An indispensable parents companion for navigating one of the most challenging and extraordinary stages in life.

Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege and Ready or Not

I dont know a single adult who did not feel alone, insecure, or deeply self-conscious in middle school. Judith Warner puts the pieces of the puzzle together to show us just how not-alone we wereand gives us the knowledge to guide our children through one of the most painful moments of childhood.

Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out and Enough As She Is

If your childs middle school journey is unraveling you, Judith Warners new book is the one you need to read. She will give you the gift of perspective, along with a personal and scientific understanding of what is happening to your child. I have often advised parents not to allow themselves to be sucked back into middle school when they see their childrens distress or hear their war stories. But I had no guidebook to offer them. Now I do.

Michael G. Thompson, co-author of Raising Cain

Judith Warner has written a compulsively readable book, a cross between The Breakfast Club and Desperate Housewives. I only wish Id had it on my bedside table when my own kids were adolescents. But Id actually recommend it for parents at any stage, as it holds a mirror up to us as much as to our kids, and indeed to society as a whole. We created the whole concept of middle school and its associated traumas; its time to free ourselves!

Anne-Marie Slaughter, author of Unfinished Business: Women Men Work Family

Its easy to feel overwhelmed parenting a middle school child. Judith Warner gives us the historical context to understand that we didnt get so anxious about this period for no reason. I learned a tremendous amount reading this book!

Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes and Masterminds & Wingmen

Much has been written about our maddening middle schoolers, but little about their parents. Warner remedies this omission by demonstratingthrough history and horror stories, research and reflectionhow by reliving our own anxieties and traumas, we wind up arming our middle schoolers for battle rather than equipping them for kindness. We swallow our kids emotions and pain, then wonder why we feel sick. In this revelatory, original book, Warner shows theres a better way, one marked by a balance of connection, distance, and empathyfor other kids as much as our own.

Linda Perlstein, author of Not Much Just Chillin: The Hidden Lives of Middle Schoolers

Its been over forty years and I still get a knot in my stomach when I drive by my hometown junior high school. Judith Warners remarkable, compassionate, fascinating look at the terrifying abyss that is called middle school has given me a perspective and insight that I only wish Id had decades ago. Its a must.

Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother and A Really Good Day

This book is many wonderful things: a fascinating tour of the history of early adolescence; a powerful exploration of the ways our own experiences as former adolescents can reverberate across our lives; a masterful assembly of research and insightful, propulsive reporting. Perhaps most important, it illuminates how we as adults can do the most essential work of allraise children, at a time in their lives when we may find them alienating and infuriating, to be happy people who care about others and about creating a more just world.

Richard Weissbourd, senior lecturer and director of the Making Caring Common Project, Harvard Graduate School of Education

This deeply researched and deeply empathetic book is one that every parent, every teacher, and every school counselor, administrator, and would-be reformer should read. Warner challenges us to think beyond the stereotypes, the headlines, the hype, and our own often painful memories of trying to find our footing in the adult world, and offers a compassionate portrait of what it means to grow up in America, what kids really need, and the universal drive to belong.

Brigid Schulte, author of Overwhelmed: How to Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time

Grounded in unforgettable interviews, with a sharp eye for the apt quotation and anecdote, and packed with fresh insights into the relevant psychological and sociological literature, this captivating book cuts across the boundaries of gender, race, ethnicity, class, and sexual orientation to lay bare the realities of pre-teen life today and the damaging imprint those experiences and memories impart upon our future identities, interpersonal relationships, and emotional expectations.

Steven Mintz, University of Texas at Austin, and author of Hucks Raft: A History of American Childhood

If middle school is as fraught for you as a parent as it is for your child, Warners honest, raw writing on the topic offers a dose of sanity in the midst of what often feels like fresh madness. Filled with wry humor and a reassuring sense of dealing with someone whos been in the trenches, And Then They Stopped Talking to Me will get you talking about the middle school experience in a way that will ease the journey for everyone in your family.

KJ DellAntonia, author of How to Be a Happier Parent

Warner has written the book that every parent of every adolescent needs and has not been able to find. It not only helps us decipher whats going on inside our middle schoolers hearts and minds, but also gives us concrete advice on what to do about it. I found myself wishing Id had it when my children were younger. Then I found myself wishing that my mother had had it when I was younger. Middle school is a monstrous roller-coaster ride. Warner helps us heal our own still-bruised psyches so we can actually help our children.

Lisa Belkin, creator of the Motherlode blog for TheNew York Times

A fascinating entry on the middle school years and the struggles both children and adults face during this time.

Library Journal

[A] call for change[and] certain relief, for middle schoolers and their parents, from the discomfort associated with a difficult period in life.

Kirkus Reviews

This readable, relatable, and well-documented account makes sense, and should help families survive the middle school years.