Rebecca Deurlein - Teenagers 101: What a Top Teacher Wishes You Knew About Helping Your Kid Succeed

TEENAGERS 101

Rebecca Deurlein, Ed.D.

Teenagers 101

What a Top Teacher Wishes You Knew About Helping Your Kid Succeed

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The names of individual students referenced in this work are fictitious. Further, the student examples used herein do not represent any particular student or particular group(s) of students. Rather, these examples represent composite students, and cross-sections of various groups of students.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Deurlein, Rebecca.

Teenagers 101: what a top teacher wishes you knew about helping your kid succeed / Rebecca

Deurlein, Ed.D.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-8144-3465-9 (pbk.)

ISBN-10: 0-8144-3465-7 (pbk.)

ISBN-13: 978-0-8144-3466-6 (ebook)

1. Parent and teenager. 2. Teenagers. 3. Parenting. 4. Adolescent psychology. I. Title.

HQ799.15.D48 3015

305.235dc23

2014020766

2015 Rebecca Deurlein

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Printed in the United States of America.

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Printing number

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To parents who just want to
understand and help their children...
in other words, to parents

I would like to thank the thousands of teenagers who have walked through my classroom doors over the years. In exchange for my instruction on sentence structure and classic literature, you taught me about the importance of laughter, perseverance, patience, and walking in anothers shoes before issuing expectations and judgments.

I thank my family, the core of my existence and the foundation of my parenting insights. Jeff, my parenting partner and husband of twenty-six years, has been a model of acceptance and celebration of our childrens individual personalities. Our children, Rachel and Jonathan, could not make me more proud and were a constant source of support and material for this book. I extend to them the utmost gratitude.

Thank you to all of the people who played a part in making this book happen, including my agent, Sheree Bykofsky; my editor, Ellen Kadin; and all of the behind-the-scenes people at AMACOM Books. Thank you to my friends who encouraged me to tell the stories that need to be told and to follow my dream to write this book. You are priceless.

Finally, thank you to my own parents, Grace and Jim, for setting the example of what great parenting should look like. I learned from the best, and I will forever treasure the lessons you taught.

There Is A Story I Like To Tell My Students On The first day of school that perfectly describes why I love teenagers. Yes, I said it. I love teenagers. I realize that this makes me a bit of an anomaly, and Im okay with that. I sympathize with how hard they are to understand, and I get how difficult they can be to work with. I know all about their mood swings and unpredictable behaviors and inexplicable decision-making skills. But maybe after my story, youll understand a little better why, despite all of that, I still have a profound appreciation for this misunderstood group.

Heres my story: When I walk into a roomful of people for the first time, introductions are made, and the most likely next question is, So what do you do for a living?

I smile and respond, Im a teacher.

Usually, the faces of the other people light up and they nod their heads appreciatively. Thats great! a few say, grins spreading across their faces. What grade?

Now, I know whats coming next. Its become a game to me, timing how long it will take before the other peoples demeanor changes to reflect the information Im about to share.

I teach high school kids, I say, and I start counting.

Within seconds, eyes widen, faces fall, smiles turn into frowns, and heads shake. The responses varyOh my gosh, how do you do that? Youre kidding? Why? and in the South, Oh, bless your heartbut the sentiment remains constant: Why in the world would anyone want to do that job?

Remember, I tell this story to my students, and at this point, I have their rapt attention. Where is she going with this, they wonder? Its the first day of school. Is she really going to tell us that everyone thinks were monsters?

I pause, and then I explain:

The sad thing is that most people dont understand you. They dont get how awesomeand I mean that in the true sense of the word, as in filled with aweit is to be in the presence of your age group. When I try to put my finger on it, I picture a teenager, straddling an invisible line. On one side of the line is adulthood. I have heard teenagers like you share the most profound, insightful thoughts that just blow me out of the water. Ive seen you empty your pockets so that strangers can have Christmas toys for their children. Ive watched you stand in line to give blood and go out of your way to help someone whose locker contents have just spilled into the hallway. Ive been flabbergasted by thoughts youve shared that are wiser than anything Ive ever heard another adult say.

But on the other side of that line is childhood, and you still have one foot firmly planted there. There isnt a day that goes by that you dont make me laugh over something silly or ridiculous that you do or say. You are full of life, invincible (if only in your own minds), and still childlike enough to be full of wonder. In short, you are incredibly unique, and I love spending time with you every single day.