Bernard Otis - How to Prepare for Old Age: Without Taking the Fun Out Of Life

(Without Taking the Fun Out of Life)

By

Bernard Otis

Copyright 2015 by Bernard Otis

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Incorgnito Publishing Press

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SECOND EDITION

Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-0-9861953-6-5

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

(Without Taking the Fun Out of Life)

Although the author and publisher have made every effort to
ensure that the information in this book was correct at the time
of publication, the author and publisher do not assume and
hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or
disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or
omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

DEDICATION

Anna Patricia Otis

April 3, 1941-October 8, 2012

On October 8, 2012, this person, my partner and wife of over 30 years, who was most responsible for whatever accomplishments I have achieved in my life, lost her battle with cancer.

There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe how much she meant to me, or the love affair we had from the moment we met in 1983.

Anna was kind, gentle, caring, understanding, and supportive of my efforts to raise myself to the highest levels of achievement. Her influence on me cannot be adequately expressed.

She was an internationally recognized teacher of the Senior Visually Impaired and Blind, and she was adored by family, friends, associates, and all who knew her or in some way were touched by her.

None of the successes I have enjoyed since we met would have happened if it had not been for the role she played in my life.

She loved me. There is no way that couldve been an easy gig! Nonetheless, her memory will live on in my mind and heart always, and... And...

Wait a minute. Wait one minute. Im going to indulge here.

Im going to indulge in this dedication a bit further. Why? Because Anna was my beloved wife. She is the sole reason Ive written this book, and a pithy few sentences are simply not going to do justice to either her or our close to thirty years of love.

Im eighty-five years old. Ive earned the right to indulge and break rules when I want to. Besides, this is my book...

And I know shes not really gone. Read on.

This is my truest, most vulnerable opportunity to memorialize her in the way she deserves, and Im going to take full advantage of it.

So, on that note...

On Sunday, August 25, 2013, with members of our family and friends present, we unveiled Annas beautiful gravestone. This was not a religious event, nor a sad one, but rather a celebration of her life and what she had meant to us.

I only cried briefly that day, for I instinctively knew and was comforted by the thought that we would actually speak again soon.

That day would come on December 30, 2013.

It has always been sad for me to walk through a cemetery and see so many gravestones identifying the people whose remains are there, but without any message as to who that person really was or what contribution they made to the betterment of society. Also, though I do consider myself a fairly religious man, I always felt it lacking somehow when a member of the clergy eulogized someone recently-deceased. Someone they never met. Sure, maybe the family filled them in, but for me, theres only one way.

And that way is to take matters into your own hands, just as I did when I instructed the funeral directors that Annas stone was to be bronze with white flowers.

On December 30, 2013, as I walked towards Annas sitepassing many black and gray gravestones along the waythe tears that Id held back on the day of her funeral began to flow.

The sun was shining, yet there was this one particular ray that seemed to be nipping at my heels. When I finally arrived at Annas grave, after quite the walk, the ray hit the bronze stone and reflected off, shining upon me.

I was convinced that that ray was my beloved Anna. My love...

This was the most incredible thing I have experienced in all of my eighty-five years. I told her about this book as I stood there sobbing for over an hour.

I promised her I would make her proud as her ray continued to shine, for we were, once again, speaking.

And, ever since, I have not feared death. Not at all.

Nor have I cried, because I know she is okay and that her spirit resides within me.

I will leave it at this. While Annas spirit will forever live in the hearts and minds of not only myself, but also, of course, our family and the many others who knew her, the message on her rose-colored stone with white flowers will forever commemorate the goodness and the fortune that she brought forth into this world.

An Internationally
Respected Teacher of
The Blind

Adored By Her Husband And
Family And All Who Knew Her

19412012

I have been a very, very lucky man. To my sweet Anna, I will always love you...

If there was a silver lining to any of my experience upon Annas passingand make no mistake, the death of a loved one is nothing to rationalizeit is that when she died when I was eighty-three years old, I was able to finally understand what others have told me in the past: Tragedy brings good people together.

Several months after Annas passing, while I was having lunch with our dear friend and Annas primary caregiver, Mimi Ducawho was provided by a wonderful company called Lifeline Companion Serviceswe were discussing all of the problems wed encountered from my wifes initial diagnosis to the end of her life. Together, we formulated the idea of writing this book with the intent of helping others better prepare for their own inevitabilities.

Mimi continued to assist me in organizing and preparing the pages you are reading. As a professional caregiver, her keen insights have been invaluable to me.

I am most grateful for the help provided by Harold Bermudez, an executive of Leisure Carea well-known, respected operator of retirement and assisted living facilitiesand his excellent staff, without which I would not have had such easy access to much of the information Ive learned regarding experiences with the dying and the elderly.

Joel Eisenberg, my longtime friend and book-writing expert, provided that extra push and encouragement, and was always looking over my shoulders, along with my publisher, Michael Conant, and my editor, Taylor Basilio, to ensure that I saw the big picture. Joel, Michael, and Taylor also spent hours organizing my words so that they made sense. I only hope their instincts were correct!

Family, for me, is a euphemism for fortune. In that event, I am also a very wealthy man. Thank you to my two sons, Ron and Rick, and their wives, Judi and Leslie; and my daughter, Laurie; along with my five grandchildren and four great-grandchildren, and my step-son, Davidall of whom have always been supportive of my efforts to do better (and also forgiving as I made bad judgments along the way).