Miranda Merrick - Beneath The Surface: Hidradenitis Suppurativa

Beneath TheSurface

By Miranda Merrick

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2015 MirandaMerrick

Smashwords Edition, LicenseNotes

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On August 25, 2014 Iunderwent a semi-experimental surgery, called a bi-lateral axillarywide excision, which was intended to aid in the prevention ofoutbreaks caused by Hidradenitis Suppurativa. Two wound vacs,supplied by KCI, were affixed underneath each arm. I wasnt surewhat to expect and in the back of my mind Iknew there was a possibility this could all be for nothing. I feltill-prepared.

Prior to surgery, on August 6, 2014, Imet with Dr. Toub in his office in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. As Iwaited in the lobby I considered for a moment that I should leave.I had been in a surgeons office before and heard numerous timesthat I wasnt ready for surgery. Simply put, things had to getworse before theyd consider it. This time however, my primarydoctor, Dr. Lee, was very persistent and insisted I see Dr. Toubfor yet another opinion. With doubt in my mind I sat quietly in theexamination room and began to feel nervous.

You see, Dr. Toub had met with myfather multiple years back and had helped perform a very difficultand tiring surgery on him. Hed aided in the dissection andreassembly of my father required to fix his severely damaged spineand, Dr. Toub, had done so with insurmountable skill. I began toworry that he would tell me I was ready for surgery and wasprepared to hear that I was not ready. In general, I was afraid ofwhat he might say.

When he entered the room Ifelt relieved. He was here and he would give me his opinion and Icould put my worries and fears to rest. The moment had come. Heexamined my arms, my legs, and alongside my waistline and sat back,pen in hand, and sighed. He seemed lost in thought. A few momentslater he smiled and leaned forward, writing something in his notes.He smiled and said, Miranda, I think youre ready. What Im goingto do is remove the skin from beneath both arms and as far downyour sides as necessary. Afterwards, we will use wound vacs to helpshrink the area and pull any infection or granulated skin away sowe can speed up the healing process. Ill have my nurses meet withyou in a moment to discuss the pre-op instructions as well as whatto do post-op. Ideally Id like to get this done either the week ofthe 18 th or the week of the 25 th . Lets see how fast we canget KCI to ship out the vacs and then well go from there. Hestood up and shook my hand. Its nice to meet you. Ill see you ina couple weeks.

It was so fast. My mind hadnt evenconsidered the time-frame he had given me and I was already sayingmy goodbyes. He walked out the door and I sat there feeling as if Ishould cry. Before a tear could form a nurse burst through thedoor. Hi! Im in charge of scheduling and insurance coordination.Im going to work with your insurance and KCI to make sure youarent charged for a bit of the surgery or supplies. Can I ask youa few simple questions to speed this up? I gave her my informationand answered all of her questions and left the room. My friend,Brandy, sat waiting for me in the lobby. I smiled at her and toldher we could leave.

It wasnt until we were in the car thatI realized the gravity of the situation. I was ready for surgeryand Id only one or two weeks to prepare. It was all happening sofast. I explained to her what hed said and she kindly supported mydecision to go through with it. There was no way I was going to putthis off after having waited nearly two years for a surgeon toagree. Not only did Dr. Toub agree, he was more than willing to getstarted right away. There would be no time to delay.

My sisters, Alicia and Christine,seemed relatively supportive in the beginning. They wanted to helpme and were anxious to get started. My room needed cleaned, myparents needed to be notified, and we had to coordinate schedulesin order to make it to the hospital on time the day of surgery. Itwas so quick and there was a lot to be done. Approximately one weeklater and less than a week before the deadline, Christine, came tome with a concern. After having organized a plan to get through thesituation she felt it would be best if I delay the surgery for amonth or two. She was concerned that with work she would be unableto handle the stress of the situation. Shed be unable to help meand was no longer ready to help me with preparations if I chose tocontinue. Of course, I did. I explained my situation and that Idwaited much too long to delay it and yet she continued to insist Idelay. Regardless, I couldnt. Meanwhile, my ex-boyfriend Shain hadmoved to North Carolina and when I explained to him that I washaving surgery in a week he insisted that he be here.

He sold his laptop and madearrangements to take a train to Deland and be here on the Fridaybefore surgery. He was. My mother however, had told me she wouldntbe able to make it down here due to her work schedule. She wouldlose her job if she took more than a few days off work. On theother hand she offered to send my father down in exchange becausehe, not working, would be able to stay here and help with myrecovery as long as necessary. I reluctantly agreed to my fatherbeing here. Not because I didnt want him here but because I feltas if hed feel useless. The majority of help I would need would bein the confines of the bathroom. I would require help withshowering, relieving myself, and anything in between. I didnt wantto be the reason he felt bad. He wouldnt feel comfortable withhelping me and yet he would do it anyway. It would be awkward forus both.

The day my father was due toarrive, the 24 th of August, my mother walked through the door.After having had a conversation with me on the phone two daysprior, she decided her job was not worth it in the end and agreedwith my father to trade places. He remained at home while she flewdown to help. He was more than accepting and in fact seemed quiterelieved at the idea of my mother being here to help. She was,after all, a CNA for approximately twenty years. In the meantime,my sisters both seemed distant. It felt as if I was alone in thehouse save for the presence of Shain and soon to be mymother.

The night of the24 th Iwas unable to sleep. I was too nervous. At 5am the followingmorning I woke everyone and we made our way to the hospital. Woundvacs and supplies in hand. I checked in and waited, counting eachand every minute as it passed. I was ready and I wasnt about tolet my family get nervous. I took a deep breath and acted as if itwas just another day, another appointment, no big deal. Aftergiving the supplies to the nurse I was called into the back andchanged into their less than attractive gowns. Two nursesapproached and both tried again and again until one of them wasfinally able to get an IV in my left hand. I was given a shot ofHeprin to prevent clotting and had yet another fashionable articleaffixed to my head; a hair-net. My sisters each came in and kissedmy head before leaving for work. My mother and Shain said theirgoodbyes and took their places in the waiting room while I wascarted off to the operating room.

As the seconds passed I could feel myheart begin to race. I was so nervous my entire body was trembling.It must have been obvious to the nurses as well because it wasntlong before they gave me a shot of something that seemed to soothemy woes and send me into a euphoric state of I dont care whathappens. The pre-op room was beautifully decorated with palmtrees, beach scenes, and hard wood floors. I only saw it for aminute or two before drifting off into a semi-conscious sleep. Iwas awakened a few minutes later to move onto the operating table.A kind and gentle young man helped me shift and explained that hewas going to put me to sleep. He smiled and injected the serum intothe IV and asked me questions about school, my hobbies, friends,and of course my family. I talked freely and heard my wordsbecoming slurred and difficult. I was falling asleep. I laughed fora moment and the world went black.