Susan Reach Winters - That Will Never Happen To Us: A Divorce Lawyers Guide For Couples Getting Married - And Their Parents, Too

ADDITIONAL PRAISE FOR
THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO US

That Will Never Happen to Us made us think about things as an engaged couple that we hadnt even considered! Susan Reach Winterss book is a fun, engaging, and informative read that provides important go-to advice which couples of any age can easily relate to. Hopefully, thanks to this book, well never need to meet her in person!

ANGELO & DEVON, engaged couple

Susan Reach Winterss book is a must-read for those who are anticipating marriage for themselves or their children. Her guidance on the financial aspects of marriage is very informative and will help the relationship start off financially sound.

DAVID A. TEICH, CPA,father of recently married children

Copyright 2019 by Susan Reach Winters

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure the accuracy and completeness of information contained in this book, we assume no responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any inconsistency herein.

Printed in the United States of America.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019937883

ISBN Paperback: 978-1-949639-40-7

ISBN : 978-0-578898-22-3 (e-book)

Cover Design: Carly Blake

Layout Design: Mary Hamilton

Dedicated to my most wonderful and supportive children,
Megan and Michael, and to my husband, Bob,
who has stood by me for thirty-two years.

Table of Contents

PREFACE

I do not profess to be an expert on marriage, nor do I have the secret to a perfect union. But I do have more than thirty-five years of experience as a divorce attorney, talking to clients whose marriages were at various stages of disintegration. From those many conversations, I discovered most of the issues that had torn apart their relationships stemmed from a lack of communication and understanding.

They said I do without really knowing their spouses needs, desires, and valuesand without expressing their own. Time after time, they lamented that if theyd had these discussions before or even during their marriage, perhaps they would not have wound up in my office. Moreover, this lack of communication didnt just affect them; it had a significant financial and emotional impact on their families as well.

One foolproof way to ensure that these crucial exchanges occur before marriage is to enter into a prenuptial agreement. But even if you are not signing a prenup, its essential that you find ways to have them.

So many clients seeking a divorce confided in me that they buried their heads in the sand instead of heeding the warning signs that there was something wrong. They all wished they had given their marriage the attention it needed before it was too broken to fix. In addition, parents whose children were seeking divorcesand risked losing the value of their family businesses or their own investment in their childrens marriagestold me that if they had known what was at stake, they would have spoken up earlier, too.

You cannot imagine how many people have showed up for a consultation for a divorce saying they thought that this would never happen to them. The points these clients shared about what they wished they had known has helped me personally and professionally, and Ive done my best to pass on this wisdom to others. For years, friends and family have said, You should write a book. When my own twenty-something children and their friends started asking me to share with them what I have learned as they embarked on their adult relationships, I was finally inspired to put pen to paper, the book you now hold in your hands, That Will Never Happen to Us. This book compiles more than three decades of insight on how to get a marriage off to the best possible start, avoid and resolve conflict in healthy and intelligent ways, and protect yourself from the worst-case scenarioa reality for more than half of American marriages. I truly hope it helps you avoid ever needing a divorce attorney like me!

Throughout the book, I share real-life scenarios to drive home the impact of the decisions you make before and during marriage and demonstrate some of the ways these choices play out in court. Names and identifying details have been changed to protect individuals and maintain attorney-client privilege.

CHAPTER ONE

LETS GET THE BAD NEWS ON THE TABLE: ROMANCE IS NEVER ENOUGH

M ost people contemplating marriage feel themselves swept away by love, physical attraction, and a sense of relief that theyll never be lonely again. They look at the landscape of broken marriages and tell themselves it couldnt possibly happen to them. Its an astounding mindset, considering the divorce rate is over 50 percent in the US. If youre sitting next to a friend, its either her or you.

The sad reality is that instead of happily ever after, half of American marriages end unhappily.

As a family lawyer with more than thirty-five years of experience, Ive met with people of all ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds, and heard their stories. Ive talked to couples negotiating the details of their divorces and brides- and grooms-to-be determining whether they needed prenuptial agreements (spoiler alert: they did).

The innumerable cases Ive seen and the conversations Ive had about marriageand why it endshave led me to the following conclusion: if people thought about, talked about, and addressed more of their issues before they got married, there would probably be less divorce.

If it were all laid out on the table beforehand, the logistics of marriage could be managed far betterand many of those logistics are tied to expectations.

ITS ALL ABOUT EXPECTATIONS

Heres a scenario Ive faced more than a few times: Im sitting across from an engaged couplelets call them Ellen and Blakenegotiating their prenuptial agreement. Im representing Blake, and another lawyer is representing Ellen. I pose a simple question: Do you expect that the bride-to-be will quit her job and stay home once children are born?

At the exact same time, Blake says, No, while his future bride answers, Yes.

How did this discordance arise? How did the couple land in my conference room, ready to tie the knot, without having discussed this basic but crucial consideration? They havent had any real in-depth discussions about expectations.

Theyve talked about having kids, but they havent gotten to the what happens when questions concerning this issueand likely many others.

The conversation then takes an inevitable turntoward money. I dont make enough to support both of us, says Blake. And I dont want to be solely responsible for supporting our family. She has to work.

Well, I dont want to work if I have children, Ellen responds. I want to be home with them. I dont want to have to hire a nanny.

The couple is at an impasse. Blake is adamant that the bride keep working, even if they have children, and insists that it be written into the prenuptial agreement. Ellen states, over and over again, that she wants to be an at-home mom. Now what?