Debbie Alsdorf - Beyond the Brady Bunch: Hope and Help for Blended Families

What people are saying about

Beyond the Brady Bunch

This book is a treasure chest of encouragement, hope, and inspiration for the blended family. It has been said that some families cannot blend; they can only collide. Not true. The Alsdorf family has collided well. They are the real deal and a beautiful picture of a fantastic blended family.

Dr. Gary Smalley, best-selling author of The Blessing and The Language of Love

I have had the joy of pastoring the local church where Ray and Debbie have lived out the practical lessons taught in this new book. From the day they first met me until now, this beautiful couple has learned priceless lessons about blending families that they now share with all of us. Through their example they have earned the right to teach us all.

Steve Madsen, lead pastor of Cornerstone Fellowship in Livermore, CA

With candor and heartfelt compassion, Ray and Debbie Alsdorf share the complexities and blessings they experienced when merging two homes into one. Beyond the Brady Bunch offers biblical wisdom and practical insights for todays stepfamily.

Laura Petherbridge, international speaker and author of When I Do Becomes I Dont and The Smart Stepmom

My wife and I have been in a Hers, Mine, and Ours family for over twenty-five years and have lived the dynamics in this book. This book stands alone in its grip on the realities of making a blended family successful. Step-by-step, the authors walk the reader through the incredible complexities of bringing two broken families together to form a new family unit. They also tackle the importance of using biblical principles for the blended family in a realistic way. The Alsdorfs realize that having God at the center is the most important factor. Anyone already in a blended family, or entering a blended family, must read this book!

Dennis McFadden, Marriage and Family therapist and executive pastor of Shoreline Community Church in Monterey, CA

Ray and Debbie Alsdorf have written a powerful book addressing the issues most people shy away from. I learned an incredible amount about the challenges of blending two separate families into one. They combine raw honesty and touching humor in ways only couples who have been through war (or remarriage) together can. I am tremendously impressed by this book.

Rick Johnson, best-selling author of The Man Whisperer and Becoming Your Spouses Better Half

BEYOND THE BRADY BUNCH

Published by David C. Cook

4050 Lee Vance View

Colorado Springs, CO 80918 U.S.A.

David C. Cook Distribution Canada

55 Woodslee Avenue, Paris, Ontario, Canada N3L 3E5

David C. Cook U.K., Kingsway Communications

Eastbourne, East Sussex BN23 6NT, England

David C. Cook and the graphic circle C logo

are registered trademarks of Cook Communications Ministries.

All rights reserved. Except for brief excerpts for review purposes,

no part of this book may be reproduced or used in any form

without written permission from the publisher.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

The author has added italics to Scripture quotations for emphasis.

LCCN 2010928371

ISBN 978-1-4347-6645-8

eISBN 978-0-7814-0504-1

2010 Debbie and Ray Alsdorf

Published in association with the literary agency of Les Stobbe, 300 Doubleday Rd., Tryon, NC 28782.

The Team: Terry Behimer, Karen Lee-Thorp, Amy Kiechlin, Sarah Schultz, Caitlyn York, Karen Athen.

Cover design: Rule 29

Cover images: iStockphoto, royalty-free

First Edition 2010

To our children,

Justin, Ashley, Cameron, and Megan

in the end, all that counts is love for God and love for others. You have been our inspiration to hope in Gods love, to trust in Gods power to heal, and to hold on to Gods value of family.

We love you!

Contents

Happily Ever AfterAgain?

. Once upon a Dream

When Love and Loss Become Our New Reality

. Who Are We?

The Pretty Picture in a Broken Frame

. Learning to Live with New Hope

Going Beyond the Bradys

. These Families Are Different

Divided HomesConflicting Loyalties

. The Power of the Biological Bond

The Key to Understanding

. The New Home Front

Discipline and Family Structure

. Attention to Details

Holidays, Money, Custody, and Other Nuts and Bolts

. Children Matter

Innocent Lives Get Caught Up in the Blender Blades

. From the Other Side

Our Children Speak

. Help! Im the Mom in This Mess

The Traps That Women Can Fall Into

. Becoming a New Kind of Dad

Called to Be a Leader by Love and Example

Loving God and Loving Others Is All That Really Counts

Acknowledgments

This book was not easy to write. There were challenges every step of the way. With every project as big as the writing of a book, there are people along the way who made a difference. Here is the fun part of writingthanking those people.

Our literary agent, Les Stobbe, and our publishers, Terry Behimer and Don Papethank you for believing in this project and giving us this opportunity.

Every book needs a good editorthank you, Karen Lee-Thorp, for editing with patience, understanding, and excellence!

Our Marriage Builders Groupyou are our other family. Where would we be without your friendships? Its hard to put into words what you mean to us, how your prayers over the years have held us up, and how your support has given us strength. We love each of you. Rich and Kim Pace, Eddie and BethAnn Moitoso, Mark and Teresa Burke, Paul and Patti Esser, Mark and Natalie Anderson, Mike and Cathy Tennyson, Gene and Cindy Williamsand of course our honorary members who moved awayScott and Lorri Steer.

Pastor Steve Madsen for believing in blended-family ministry and wanting the blended families at Cornerstone to succeed. We appreciate you.

Caren Wolfe, for being a source of encouragement and support as you have paved the way for blended-family ministry to be part of the marriage ministry at Cornerstone Fellowship. We appreciate your leadership and your heart for marriage.

And a special thanks to Jane Jewell and Jennifer Cuellar for your administrative help with the blended-family classes at Cornerstone.

Dr. Don Partridge and Jenetha, your wisdom, ministry, and written materials have been life changing. Thank you for the work you both do in the area of blended families. We pray God pours upon you the blessing you have imparted to others.

Clyde and Sue Brewster, for being there for us way back in the most troubling times of our blended family. We will always appreciate you. May God bless all you do.

Our sisters, Priscilla Hilton and Sharon Montagnayou both have always been there for us. You have watched us go through some terrible times, and in those times you will never know how much it meant that we had your love. Thanks.

Our mothers, who are now with the LordJoyce and Irene, we honor you today as we thank you for loving our children, helping us as single parents, learning to love our new spouses and new blended family. We miss you both and think of you all the time. You may be gone from being with us in this life, but you are never forgotten.