Suzanne Venker - The Two-Income Trap: Why Parents Are Choosing To Stay Home

SUZANNE VENKER

Foreword by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

A POST HILL PRESS BOOK
ISBN (eBook): 978-1-61868-884-2

THE TWO-INCOME TRAP
Why Parents Are Choosing To Stay Home
2014 by Suzanne Venker
All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.

Post Hill Press
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For my children, Emma and Henry
who make everything else pale in comparison.

The greatest reflection of your priorities is your time. Whatever you say about what matters to you, the true test is where you place your time. So if you say your priorities are your partner or your kids or your family or your health, that statement will only be true if your calendar reflects it.

Nick Crocker

Suzanne Venker is helping to lift me out of my growing despair. While my banging the pot loudly over the past quarter-century in favor of loving, maritally-committed, two-parent, mom and dad, parent-at-home-when-children-are-home families has seen positive resultsI have also witnessed, in horror and disbelief:

the profound hostility in womens and parenting magazines toward women who raise their own children, not to mention the plethora of articles that support the neglect of children as in the best interest of the childas long as mommy is happy

the breakdown of basic, traditional norms, which has resulted in an almost complete loss of a sense of responsibility and obligation apart from ones own self-centered and immediate desires. Feminists disdaining men, marriage, and childrearing helped move women from a place of respect for their femininity and fertility and mothering to a place where shacking-up, out-of-wedlock babies, and daycare practically wiped out their sense of specialness.

the media in general, and other parents in particular, showing compassionate support and understanding to the oh-so-busy mother or father who accidentally forgot they even had a child because he cooked to death in the back seat of a car. It could happen to anybody is the unbelievable response of other parents.

the development of products geared to make mothers feel better about abandoning their children to institutionalized daycare for the sake of the mothers well-being: daily charts of when and how much their child pee-ed or pooped and ate and drank, rolled over, or said some words; a camera in the daycare center so the mother can go on her computer and view her child for ten seconds.

This is new-age parenting!

The Wall Street Journal (October 8, 2003) published a book review dealing with the impact of working mothers on the family. The average two-income family, begins the quotation from the book, earns far more today than did the single breadwinner family of a generation ago. And yet, once they have paid the mortgage, the car payments, the taxes, the health insurance, and the day-care bills, todays dual-income families have less discretionary incomeand less money to put away for a rainy day.

The reviewer points out that the rush of Mommies into the workplace has had the paradoxical effect of making families less secure, less flexible and poorer. The reviewer also concludes with this telling statement: But its weird: The authors know that having a mother at home is economically better for families. They spell it out. Nevertheless, they cant bring themselves to support the reverse migration of Americas working Mommies, even if such a thing were possible. We remain dedicated to the best part of the feminist movementthe rock-solid belief that women who want to work should have every opportunity to do so. Yet, if you accept their analysis, you dont have to be a male chauvinist pig to wonder: Um, why?

I have a great career: Ive had a private practice as a licensed marriage and family therapist, sustained a successful radio broadcasting career for a quarter of a century, and written seven New York Times bestselling books. I write a monthly column for wnd.com, run a foundation for neglected children, create and hand-craft jewelry to raise money for the foundation, ride bicycles up and down major hills, and took up sailing. Yet Ive always been an at-home mother.

The writing happens at 5:00 AM, while everyone is asleep. The radio broadcasting happened first at 10:00 PM, after a full day of childcare, and then shifted to middays while our son was at school. In other words, I squeezed my career in around my mothering and not the other way around. It can be done, if one commits to doing it rightand right means the child does not pay the price for the parents ambitions and that the parent has the centering and family love that makes life a pleasure.

Once, a young college woman fresh from her womens studies class came to one of my book signings and asked me why I didnt introduce myself with my academic degrees. She said her class talked about me a lot (the teacher was generally insulting), and they couldnt understand why I would identify with motherhood before my accomplishments. I told her that being my sons mother and having him, as a teenager, kiss me in front of his buddies, was my most rewarding accomplishment. I added that I hoped her studies wouldnt warp her to the point that she would not make the choices that would lead her to have a similar reward.

This leads me to The Two-Income Trap by Suzanne Venker, whos in her mid-thirties and is herself, right now, making the personal and professional sacrifices that she urges on others. There are hundreds of books explaining why its acceptable to leave our children in the care of strangers, but very few explaining why we would all be happier if we did not. I am grateful for this book.

Ms. Venkers contribution to humanity, to families, to marriages, to women is huge. In a way, it is sad that shes got to argue points to prove what ought to be a given. On the other hand, her arguments are beautifully crafted and right on target for todays anti-childrearing atmosphere. My hope for you, the reader, is that after you read this book, you will be unwavering in your commitment to do the right thing, and reap the incredible rewards.

DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER
2003

The Two-Income Trap is the updated version of a book I wrote more than ten years ago. It is not politically correct. You will read things here people arent supposed to say but which nevertheless ring true. Indeed, this book is as much about telling the truth in a culture that wants us to lie as it is about the conflict between children and careers.

I wrote it for three groups of women: (a) mothers who are home with their kids and who need support and validation for the work they do, (b) mothers who are conflicted about whether or not to quit their jobs or whose work-family life has become unmanageable, and (c) women who are not yet mothers but who want to know how they can balance work and family when the time comes.

This book is also for at-home dads. While most parents at home are women, the number of at-home fathers has almost doubled since this book was first published. The reason it centers on women is because thats the way it was originally written, and because I wanted to address the decades-long push to get women out of the home and into the workforce. But the material herein applies to any parent whos home with the kids. So if youre at-home dad, simply substitute the word dad for mom wherever you see it.