Linda Hale Bucklin - Come Rain or Come Shine: Friendships Between Women

Come Rain

or

Come Shine

Friendships Between Women

Written by:

Linda Bucklin and Mary Keil

Foreword by:

Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D

Introduction by:

Reverend Dr. Lauren Artress

Published by ePublishing Works!

www.epublishingworks.com

ISBN: 978-1-61417363-2

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Copyright 1999, 2012, 2013 Linda Bucklin and Mary Keil . All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions.

Cover by The Killion Group

eBook design by eBook Prep www.ebookprep.com

In loving memory of my husband Bill,

to Christian and Kris, John, Nick and Marcela,

Katie and Sam, Sophia and Lucas

You are my dearest friends.

LB

In loving memory of my mother Catherine, friend to many.

With deep gratitude to my sisters Sally and Jane,

to Parker, Evelyn and Matthias.

MK

Table of Contents

Parents ~ Siblings ~ Spouses ~ Children ~ In-laws ~ Friends as Family

Work ~ Children ~ History ~ Stressful Events

Affirming ~ Listening ~ Mentoring ~ Helping ~ Being Kind ~ Not Affirming ~ Being Mean

Being Truthful to Ourselves and Others ~ Being Accountable ~ Lying ~ Withholding ~ Not Being Accountable

Feeling Safe ~ Being Vulnerable ~ Taking a Risk ~ Being Loyal ~ Betraying ~ Being Disloyal ~ Using

Taking a Stand ~ Speaking Up ~ Being Brave ~ Not Taking a Stand ~ Not Speaking Up ~ Scapegoating ~ Choosing Not to See or Act ~ Taking the Safe Path

Spiritual Awareness ~ Emotional Awareness

Still Forever Friends

T wenty years ago, we were fortunate to meet at a pivotal time for both of us. One of us (Mary) had moved from the East Coast leaving behind good friends, and the other (Linda) was struggling with some of her long time relationships. Finding we shared many of the same interestsbooks, theatre, a spiritual life, parenting, an appreciation of the outdoors, and a love of writingwe saw in each other the potential to become deep friends.

We also discovered we loved hearing women's storiestheir personal history of what is important, difficult and joyful to them. As we got to know each other better, we realized that friendship was a dominant theme for both of us. And since we loved to write, we decided it would be a fun and worthwhile project to share parts of our stories along with those of other women in a book on women's friendships. Our interviews and reflections eventually led to Come Rain or Come Shine: Friendships Between Women, originally published by Adams Media in 1999.

Come Rain or Come Shine formed a backdrop to our own friendship. What we learned from writing the book enriched our lives. As we made new friends, deepened others, lost some for reasons such as moves, differences, even clashes, we'd often think of a story from the book that reminded us and helped us through the experiences. The book was always there, over our shoulders, so to speak, a good and wise friend in and of itself

In our research we found common themes that are basic to healthy friendship. An early one that emerged was how women's families of origin influence the kind of friend they become as well as the kinds of friends they choose. The theme of shared experiences and values, i.e., kindness, courage and being truthful, also led us towards an understanding of conscious friendships. Of course, not all friendships succeed or last. We couldn't have written this book without including stories of failed friendships and the important lessons learned from these difficult and painful experiences.

As we contemplated bringing our book into the digital world, we wondered if Come Rain or Come Shine would hold up as a relevant resource for seeking healthy friendships in our fast-paced world. With social networkingFacebook, texting, tweets, voicemail, caller ID, e-mailsas the new ways of communicating (or not), are women settling for fast-food friendships? Despite these hi-tech tools that connect us, do today's women feel fulfilled in their friendships? Or do they actually feel disconnected, lonelier and without the tools to navigate towards healthy friendships?

If news items are any indication, the cultivation of face-to-face friendships can be challenging and confusing. We tend to isolate ourselves, hiding behind our computer screen, texting instead of calling. We are rapidly losing the tools to communicate on any level except a very superficial distant one. Because of this enormous technological shift, we feel the need for our book, with its insightful lessons, is even greater and of more help today to women interested in having deep, fulfilling friendships.

Foreword

L oneliness is the great and secret wound of our highly technological culture. As a culture we submit our pain and our problems to experts to be solved. But loneliness cannot be fixed by experts; it is not a wound of the body, it is a wound of the heart. Expertise can't heal loneliness, only friendship can.

Women have healed each other's loneliness since the beginning. The friendship between women goes far deeper than mere companionship, beyond the offering of advice on clothes and makeup or the sharing of recipes. In their friendships women have the capacity to validate and strengthen the life in one another. Women's friendships heal.

Women respond to each other's pain with listening. By wanting to know and letting it matter. By trusting the life in one another. By offering, with their simple attention, a place of acceptance and trust of natural process where even the deepest pain can heal. In their friendships, women do not "fix" one another. They do not see each other as broken. They offer each other sanctuary.