P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2011
Scripture quotations labeled NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
The author is represented by the literary agency of Wolgemuth & Associates, Inc.
Endorsements
Friends... we take them for granted when we have them. We miss them when theyre gone. Were hesitant about new ones, and were scared to go deeper with the ones we have. Christine Hoover has written a book about friendship that will minister to you no matter what season of life you are in and no matter what your current perspective on friendship may be. This is possible because she draws from the timeless truth of Gods Word and points us to Jesus, our Savior who has befriended us.
Gloria Furman, author of Missional Motherhood and Alive in Him
Christine Hoover not only uncovers the roots beneath the frustration, disappointment, and loneliness we often experience in our pursuit of friendship but also sets us on a clear course toward discovering and nurturing gratifying, intimate, God-designed friendships with our fellow sisters. Filled with biblical wisdom, practical advice, and compelling personal stories, Messy Beautiful Friendship reminds us exactly why friendship is a gift from God and how we can give and receive it with grace, gratitude, and joy.
Michelle DeRusha, author of Katharina and Martin Luther: The Radical Marriage of a Runaway Nun and a Renegade Monk
Doesnt every friendship just happen like it did in elementary school when your neighbor was your best friend with whom you shared a seat on the bus and passed notes in class? Thirty-some years later, I need this book. Christine Hoover, with refreshing approachability and lightness, approaches a loaded topic from Gods perspective. Finally, here is a timely word to women, using his Word as guidance, on how to do this crazy thing called friendship well .
Sara Hagerty, author of Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet
Every person will one day find themselves in a season where friendships are messy, difficult, or nonexistent, and in those seasons it can be tempting to blame-shift, check-out, or declare it too difficult to be sustained. Christine Hoover has written a book for all of us who find ourselves where we do not want to be and never envisioned we would be. Messy Beautiful Friendship is a book on how to be a friend and how to make them, how to keep them and how to keep from worshiping them. This is a book for every woman who has said to me, I feel so alone, including myself. Christine, in an act of friendship toward her readers, makes us laugh, listen, and see ourselves on every page and challenges us to see Christ as our greatest joy-bringing relationship.
Lore Ferguson Wilbert, author and speaker
Christine Hoover opens the door and welcomes us all to richer, deeper, and more meaningful relationships in Messy Beautiful Friendship . She writes with wisdom, understanding, vulnerability, and profound insight as she unpacks the brokenness and beauty of relationships among women. This book is a must-read for anyone hoping to build healthy and God-centered friendships in their lives.
Melissa Kruger, author of Envy of Eve and Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood
Christine truthfully voices what so many of us feel about friendship, that its harder than we expect and yet more needed than we sometimes admit. This book inspires us toward more meaningful friendships and a deeper understanding of the God who brings us together. Im personally grateful for Christines gentle and helpful exhortation... so applicable and timely.
Ruth Chou Simons, author and artist; founder of GraceLaced.com
Everyone who is a friend or who desires meaningful friendships should read this book! As one who has struggled with the messiness and beauty of finding and maintaining friendships, I found this book so helpful. At points, Christines stories echo my ownthe fumbles, the assumptions, the hashtag friends, the unmet needs and joys. Ive longed for the illusive ideal of friendships that serve me and squeeze God out of my life rather than embracing the divine reality that my friendships are opportunities to love the Lord with all my heart in fellowship with others who are doing the same. All that we think we want and need from a flourishing friendship can be found in Christ. He is whom we should seek and long to be in friendship with, and by his amazing grace, he gives us friends who are dim but beautiful reflections of his friendship with us.
Kristie Anyabwile, pastors wife, mom, writer/speaker
Few things in life can match the beauty, warmth, and consolation of a true friendship. Similarly, few things in life can be as disappointing, distressing, and disillusioning as a friendship gone bad. Christine Hoover acts as an able guide on a journey to discover what the Bible has to say about friendship. She kindly leads the way, humbly guiding us through the Word of God to unveil a vision that is truly worth pursuing in every way. Do yourself a favor: grab a copy, read it, digest itthen go find a friend, walk through the pages together, and find yourselves at the other end more wholly prepared for your final home.
Jonathan Holmes, pastor of counseling, Parkside Church; author of The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship
Dedication
To Claire
I look forward to the day when I get to see you again.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Endorsements
Dedication
Introduction: This Ones for the Strugglers
Part 1: A New Vision for Friendship
1. When Did Friendship Become Such a Struggle?
2. The Dreams We Have for Friendship
3. How God Gives Friendship
4. Messy Beautiful Friendship
Part 2 : Threats to Friendship
5. Fear of Being Burned
6. Ashes of Insecurity
7. Kindling for the Campfire
8. The Spark
Part 3: Discovering and Deepening Friendship
9. Be Kevin Bacon: Take Initiative
10. Back Doors: Open Your Home and Heart
11. No Makeup: Share Your Story
13. Friend Magnet: Honor Others
14. Naming: Know Who Your People Are
Part 4: Being a Friend
15. Back and Forth: Listen Well
16. Honey: Use Words Wisely
17. What Friends Are For: Enter the Adversity of Others
18. One Word: Pray for Your Friends
19. Room to Breathe: Temper Expectations
20. Faithful Wounds: Speak the Truth in Love
21. Homesick: Display Joy in Jesus