Jim Brosseau - Town & Country Social Graces

Town & Country

SOCIAL GRACES

WORDS OF WISDOM ON CIVILITY
IN A CHANGING SOCIETY

EDITED BY JIM BROSSEAU

HEARST BOOKS
A division of Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.

New York / London
www.sterlingpublishing.com

Copyright 2002, 2008 by Hearst Communications, Inc.

All rights reserved. The essays in this volume are intended for the
personal use of the reader and may be reproduced for that purpose
only. Any other use, especially commercial use, is forbidden
under law without the written permission of the copyright holder.

Design: Esther Bridavsky
Illustrations: Chesley McLaren

The Library of Congress has cataloged the previous edition as follows:
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Town & Countrys social graces : words of wisdom on civility in a
changing society / edited by Jim Brosseau.

p.cm.
ISBN 1-58816-080-7
Etiquette. I. Title: Town and countrys social graces. II. Brosseau, Jim.
III. Town & country (New York, N.Y.)

BJ1853.T68 2002
395dc21

2001039863

Published by Hearst Books,
A Division of Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.
387 Park Avenue South, New York, N.Y. 10016

Town & Country and Hearst Books are trademarks of
Hearst Communications, Inc.

www.townandcountrymag.com

For information about custom editions, special sales, premium and
corporate purchases, please contact Sterling Special Sales Department
at 800-805-5489 or specialsales@sterlingpublishing.com.

Sterling ISBN 978-1-58816-851-1

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

THE EDITOR WISHES TO THANK THE WRITERS of this anthology, whose work graced the pages of Town & Country magazine and now graces these pages; Town & Country editor at large Pamela Fiori, a believer in the word yes who gave the SocialGraces column the green light; the rest of his Town & Country colleagues, especially Mary Shanahan and Agnethe Glatved; the staff of Hearst Books, in particular Jacqueline Deval, Maryanne Bannon and the ever patient Elizabeth Rice; designer Esther Bridavsky, illustrator Chesley McLaren, and copyeditor Brenda Goldberg; and his family, especially Philip and Genevieve.

CONTENTS

by Pamela Fiori

by Jay McInerney

by Ron Powers

by Heywood Hale Broun

by Owen Edwards

by Sally Quinn

by Andrew Nagorski

by Owen Edwards

by Anne Taylor Fleming

by David Brown

by Cokie Roberts & Steven V. Roberts

by John Mariani

by Anne Taylor Fleming

by Catherine Calvert

by Peggy Noonan

by Vronique Vienne

by Patricia Beard

by Stacey Okun

by Stacey Okun

by Helen Gurley Brown

by Deirdre McNamer

by Deborah Tannen

by David Brooks

by Jim Brosseau

by Stephen Young

by Stephen Henderson

by Marshall de Bruhl

by Pearson Marx

by Molly Haskell

by Craig Wilson

by Stephen Henderson

by Peggy Noonan

by Vronique Vienne

by Lauren Picker

by Charles Dubow

by David Brown

by Letitia Baldrige

by Lyle Crowley

by Barbara Howar

by Francine Maroukian

by Patricia Marx

by Anne Taylor Fleming

by Anthony Bourdain

by Francine Maroukian

by Janet Carlson Freed

by Charles Dubow

by John Mariani

by Stephen Henderson

by Owen Edwards

by Frank Langella

by Owen Edwards

by Jeanne Wolf

by Frank McCourt

IN 1995, TOWN & COUNTRY LAUNCHED WHAT HAS become one of its most popular monthly features. Called Social Graces, it focuses on the present state of modern behavior disintegrating manners, the eroding rules of etiquette and the necessity for civility in a fast-moving, go-your-own-way world. The writers we approached were as frustrated we were, and so ensued a series of always eloquent, sometimes cranky, delightfully unstuffy essays on such subjects as the disappearance of the gentleman, the importance of saying please and thank you and the proliferation of cell-phone abusers (we called them cellular phonies).

The first Social Graces article, entitled Privacy... or Whats Left of It, was written by novelist Jay McInerney. Other distinguished contributors followed, including Sue Miller, Wendy Wasserstein, David Brooks, Peggy Noonan and the actor Frank Langella (his was a fathers lament called When Daddy Was King). By 2002, we had enough essays to publish Town & Countrys first Social Graces anthology. It was a success, to the tune of multiple printings.

Social Graces has continued as a series in the magazine, is as popular as ever, and possibly more needed. It even led to a sequel anthology called Modern Manners in 2005. No matter how many subjects related to modern-day behavior we have covered, there always seem to be more begging to be examined or revisited. Happily, there are also plenty of writers eager to explore them hence, this expanded version of the original Social Graces collection. We have added close to a dozen more articles, covering such predicaments as accepting a compliment, raising unruly boys to become good men and finding cues to hidden meanings.

Life in the twenty-first century has become ever more complex and moves at a faster pace than we ever thought possible. Having social graces is not just nice, it is necessary. Communicating clearly, convivially and with sensitivity is critically important on several levels: It paves the way to better personal relationships, it ensures better business dealings and, who knows, it may even lead to peace on earth.

PAMELA FIORI
EDITOR
TOWN & COUNTRY

I
MODERN TIMES