Mudita Nisker - Lets Talk: An Essential Guide to Skillful Communication

Praise for Lets Talk

[L]istening and talking skillfully can be acts of love. In Lets Talk Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman offer practical ways we can communicate at our best. Parents, lovers, teachers, leaderseveryonecan benefit enormously from their kindly guidance.

Daniel Goleman

bestselling author of Emotional Intelligence and Altered Traits

Mudita and Dans teaching has changed my life. More than that, the skills have changed the lives of everyone around me, because I am so much easier to live with. Long way of saying: read this book. Your communications, and therefore your relationships, with everyone in your orbit will improve. Youll get into fewer fights. And when you do have conflict, youll navigate it more smoothly.

Dan Harris

bestselling author of Ten Percent Happier and
co-founder of the Ten Percent Happier app

Every teacher, parent, partner, manager, and leader needs to read Lets Talk ! Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman brilliantly combine theory and decades of real-world experience to educate us in critical skills and tools that will enhance how we communicate and relate to others (and ourselves), which will dramatically transform our personal, social, and professional lives.

Marc Brackett

bestselling author of Permission to Feel and founding director
of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

Have you ever walked away from a conversation wondering how it had gone so off track? Lets Talk is a great book to help hone the skills for healthy communication with othersbe it work related, with family, or with friends. Written in an engaging way, it is a perfect book for venturing into social situations.

Sharon Salzberg

author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness

Lets Talk is a powerful and moving tool. It guides us to understand the complex and dynamic web of factors that influence how we experience the world and how that impacts our connections to those around us. It may seem that there are some people who are just good communicators, but this refreshing, detailed, action-based book underlines that clear, meaningful communication is a learnable skill. It integrates foundational concepts of compassionate conversation and also looks squarely at the complexities of diversity, differing positions of power and privilege, and the multitude of modes of communication available to usin a way that is clear and supportive. In times when we can seem more and more polarized, Lets Talk truly gives me hope.

Emiko Susilo

author of Good to Know about Bali: A Friendly Guide to Arts and
Culturally Sustainable Travel in Bali , actor, and associate director of the
Balinese music and dance performing ensemble udamani

In this beautiful, astonishing, and useful book, Clurman and Nisker distill decades of research on the art of talking and listening. Communication, they remind us, is not just the transmission of ideas. We establish trust, enter into productive and satisfying relationships, and discover ourselves when we use language skillfully. With striking precision, and a light touch, Lets Talk provides the tools many of us need to do just that. This book is an opportunity and a revelation.

Alva No

professor of philosophy, University of California Berkeley, and
the author of Out of Our Heads: Why You Are Not Your Brain
and Other Lessons from the Biology of Consciousness.

Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman gently guide us through our language in a way that clarifies how our communication breaks down and how making some simple adjustments can help us skillfully navigate our way through conversations, improving relationships of all kinds.

Tara Bennett-Goleman

New York Times bestselling author of Emotional
Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the Heart

Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman have been two primary teachers helping me to grow in skillful communication. In Lets Talk their clarity and wisdom shine through, illuminating a path to true connection and intimacy for anyone serious about embodying wise speech. This is a valuable resource that I highly recommend.

James Baraz

co-author of Awakening Joy: 10 Steps to Happiness and
co-founding teacher of Spirit Rock Meditation Center

Mudita and Dan have written a timely book that articulates powerful communication strategies that I use in multiple contexts. It is as relevant in my professional work in cultural diplomacy as it is in my personal life. I believe these principles are core to successfully communicating across nations.

Rachel Cooper

director, Culture as Diplomacy, Asia Society

Lets Talk can serve both as a self-and-other teaching text as well as an encyclopedia about communication skills. For me it is a treasure-trove of life wisdom, resting upon a foundation committed to maintaining the deepest respect for self and others.

Marlys Mayfield

author of Thinking for Yourself: Developing Critical
Thinking Skills Through Reading and Writing

Lets Talk is the perfect blend of theory and practice. As a clear and easy-to-follow guide to improve your capacity to communicate when it matters, it is a true gem.

John Ford

professor of negotiation, University of California (Hastings) Law
School; author of Peace at Work ; and creator of The Empathy Set

Ive been looking for a book like this for years. Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman encourage us to reflect deeply on how we communicate and show us how to become more skillful at it. The philosophy and techniques presented here have the power to improve our relationships with our partners, children, colleagues, community, and most importantly ourselves. These skills are life changing. What a gift!

Jane Baraz

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MSBR) instructor,
University of California San Francisco Medical Center

Also by Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman

Deanne Stone, Mudita Nisker, and Dan Clurman, Money Disagreements: How to Talk About Them (n.p., 2019)

Dan Clurman, Youve Got to Draw the Line Somewhere (Lulu, 2006)

Dan Clurman, Floating Upstream: Poems and Drawings (Sunyata Press, 1996)

Dan Clurman and John Esterle, eds., Conversations with Critical Thinkers (The Whitman Institute, 1991)

Lets Talk

an essential

guide to skillful communication

MUDITA NISKER
AND DAN CLURMAN

Foreword by Joseph Goldstein

Lets Talk Method

2022

Copyright 2022 by Mudita Nisker and Dan Clurman

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of brief quotations in book reviews and other fair use allowed under U.S. copyright law. For permissions, please contact the authors at letstalkmethod@gmail.com .

Lets Talk Method 398 61st St.

Oakland, CA 94618

letstalkmethod.com

letstalkmethod@gmail.com

First edition April, 2022.

Cover design by Karen Polaski

Book design by Meredith March

Back cover photo by Aidan Fraser

Developmental editing and writing by Amy Rost

ISBN 979-8-9851995-0-5 (book)

ISBN 979-8-9851995-1-2 (e-book)

The content of this book is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition or disease. This book is not intended as a substitute for consultation with a qualified, licensed expert. The publisher and the authors make no guarantees concerning the level of success you may experience by following the advice and strategies contained in this book. The authors and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to anyone with respect to any loss or damage caused, or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly by the information contained in this book.

All the characters in examples used in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.