Cher Hubsher - A Bond That Lasts Forever: How We Got This Close, And How You Can Too!

Dawn Hubsher & Cher Hubsher

In loving memory of Amy B. R. Gopman DMD

Introduction

Women have special gifts that allow us to teach, strengthen, and express all forms of love to those that are closest to them. And no one is closer to a mother than her children. Mothers have heavenly gifts for raising children as they develop, to prepare the next generation of young girls who might choose one day to become mothers themselves. That is why the bond between a mother and daughter is so special. Without it, humankind would cease to exist.

But we werent moved to create this book in hopes that it would increase the population! We wanted to do it because our bond is one of the most rewarding relationships in our lives. Every mother and daughter deserve to feel the kind of happiness that comes from strengthening their relationship. It means having a rock to cling to, no matter how stormy the seas are. It means having someone to call, any time, day or night, when you need someone to listen. It means knowing, in the deepest part of your soul, that no matter what the rest of the world says, someone out there loves you with their entire being.

The best part is, unless youve been forced to cut ties due to abuse or a truly toxic relationship, its not mission impossible! We are living proof that, if youre willing to put in the work and effort, mothers and daughters from all walks of life can improve their relationships. If you wake up wanting a closer relationship with your mother or your daughter, then today is the day to begin forging that path together.

There is a famous book called The Secret By Rhonda Byrne, that my mom and I have read. Its about putting an idea into the universe that you want to attract into your life. The book teaches you to spend time visualizing what you want and how to move from visualization to manifesting it into existence. If you want a closer relationship with your mother or daughter, picture in your mind just what that looks like and what it would feel like. Focus on those emotions, making sure that love is the most prominent emotion of all. See in your mind the exact relationship you want to have with your mother-daughter and start putting forth the effort by taking action to create that relationship you truly want. Youve already formed a great foundation by picking up this book! Now that your intention is set, continue reading for a bit of hard-won wisdom, ideas meant to challenge you and your loved one and, hopefully, a few laughs as you read about our personal experiences in between.

-Dawn Hubsher (mother) and Cher Hubsher (daughter)

A relationship like no other,

A best friend for life, daughter and mother.

Someone you can count on through it all,

A person who will be there for you anytime you fall.

The one who truly wants you to have the very best,

A relationship that makes you feel truly blessed

By Cher Hubsher

Becoming a mother is a wonderful experience. But whether you adopt your child and have to go through that daunting and intensely emotional process, or you have a biological child, theres pain involved.

Even for those who have easy pregnancies, it's an intensely uncomfortable and emotionally draining experience. Some combination of cravings, nausea, vomiting, feet swelling, heartburn, back pain, crying, laughing (sometimes simultaneously) and dont even get us started on the constant invasion of privacy! By the time you deliver your little bundle of joy, your doctor will be more familiar with your undercarriage than your significant other is.

All that said, no matter how easy or troublesome a pregnancy is, the moment that child is in your arms, it all takes a back seat to the joy of seeing your baby for the first time. Every morning spent on the bathroom floor slumped over the toilet in tears, every jaw-cracking contraction, every hour, week and month of waiting finally pays off.

You did it. Your baby is finally here!

And while every mother will love their child, there is also the potential for a special, wholly unique bond between a mother and her daughter that can be life-altering if nurtured properly.

It begins the moment she is born or adopted, but it must be nourished and strengthened throughout the years. More importantly, its a bond that requires tending on both sides. As you teach your daughter to love and respect others, to always be honest, then she will emulate those characteristics and return those feelings towards you.

Creating a strong foundation with your mother or daughter is what leads to a bond that can last forever. So, what makes a strong foundation? There are a few key elements that will ensure your relationship with your mother or daughter will last a lifetime.

The first is honesty.

You create a foundation of honesty when your daughter understands she can always go to you and tell you the truthand this is the important partall the while knowing that, no matter how bad it is, it will not affect your love for her.

Does that mean that there arent any consequences to her actions?

No.

Does it mean that she can keep repeating the same mistakes without fear of repercussion or reprimand?

No.

Does that mean if she wraps Dads Corvette around a tree because she was texting and driving that you arent going to be absolutely furious and terrified, all at once?

Of course not.

What it does mean is that she can rely on you to listen with love and empathy in your heart and to take a vested interest in helping her learn from her mistake and grow as a person rather than using her honesty against her to berate, humiliate, or punish her with the loss of your affection.

See, being honest with someone means being able to rely on them with the truth and the consequences. It takes a lot to confess when weve done wrong, even for an adult. If we honor our daughters when they are honest, they will continue to trust us with their truth in the future.

Think of it like putting positive energy and love into a bank. Each time we accept and love our daughters, through rain or shine, were making a deposit. A child who is rich with love and understanding will invariably make better choices in the future, and be a happier person with a more satisfying life. Isnt that what we all want for our children?

In return, mothers need to be honest with their daughters, too. Obviously, some things are age appropriate. Should you vent to your twelve-year-old daughter that your ex-husband is a lying cheat who slept with the babysitter and thats why youre crying?

Were not psychologists but were going to go out on a limb and say no.

But should you lie and say nothing is wrong, when its clear that something is?

No.

Daughters need to see their mothers as people with feelings and lives beyond just them. It not only helps create a foundation of mutual respect down the line, it also teaches empathy. If mothers constantly pretend everything is perfect or put themselves last, then daughters are shown two things:

1. If my life isnt perfect like my moms was when I was growing up, I must be broken. Whats wrong with me?
2. When I become a mother, Im to give 100% of myself over to my child and have nothing left for myself.

Neither of those things are healthy. Should a mother consider her childrens needs and put them first?

Yes.

Should she only consider their needs and ignore her own self-care and well-being?