Barbara Reaoch - Making Room for Her: Biblical Wisdom for a Healthier Relationship with Your Mother-In-Law or Daughter-In-Law

Copyright 2022 by Barbara Reaoch and Stacy Reaoch

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-0877-4638-8

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 306.87

Subject Heading: MOTHERS-IN-LAW / DAUGHTERS-IN-LAW / DOMESTIC RELATIONS

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from The Christian Standard Bible. Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible, and CSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers, all rights reserved.

Scriptures marked niv are taken from the New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scriptures marked esv are taken from the English Standard Version. ESV Text Edition: 2016. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Cover design by Lindy Martin, FaceOut. Cover images by cristatus/shutterstock and JOJOSTUDIO/shutterstock. Photo of Barbara Reaoch by Chad Swanson Photography. Photo of Stacy Reaoch by Brittian Flatt Photography.

It is the Publishers goal to minimize disruption caused by technical errors or invalid websites. While all links are active at the time of publication, because of the dynamic nature of the internet, some web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed and may no longer be valid. B&H Publishing Group bears no responsibility for the continuity or content of the external site, nor for that of subsequent links. Contact the external site for answers to questions regarding its content.

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To the women of Three Rivers Grace Church and our friends who prayed and shared their stories. Your transparency helped us understand the struggles and hope in the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. Through you we saw that making room for her is possible by Gods grace.

Barbara and Stacy

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T he words in this book were a group project. We are indebted to the many women who shared their stories with us. Their transparency in telling us their experiences set the stage for this book.

From Barb:

A great thank you to the men and women in our small group who, for many months, lovingly prayed and asked, Hows the book going? This book benefited, in untold ways, from friends who read and reread each chapter. How I appreciate the keen insights and editing skills of my faithful friendsDeb Deal, Janet Rentsch, Neatice Warner, and Shirley Mills. Endless thanks to Sara Brigman for using your gifts and Godward focus to consistently point me to a gospel-centered message.

From Stacy:

To the women of Three Rivers Grace Church, thank you for your excitement, support, and prayers for this endeavor. Jen Hovis, Faith Walker, and Rachel Clayton, thank you for holding up my arms when my strength was weary (and for swooping in when I needed a dose of encouragement, chocolate, and chai tea lattes!). To Lindsey Carlson, Jen Oshman, and Irene Sun, what a precious gift to have fellow sisters in ministry and writing comrades. Thank you for taking the time to read early versions of the manuscript and offer feedback, even in the midst of your own writing projects.

Mega thanks to our B&H acquisitions editor Ashley Gorman. God has gifted you with wisdom beyond your years. Your expertise touches every page of this book.

To Don Gates, thank you for championing this book and helping us navigate the publishing world.

We feel tremendously blessed to be part of the B&H family and are grateful for the fantastic marketing team and our specialist, Stacey Sapp, for all they do to get books into the hands of women.

To Milaina, Noah, Annalyse, and Micah, thank you for the excitement over your mom and Oumas book. You are precious treasures. Milaina, thank you for always being interested in what were writing and asking about details that no one else does. To Kim, Elizabeth, and Carol, thank you for reading drafts and giving insights in a way that only sisters and daughters can.

To Ron, thank you for being our steadfast support. In all things, in all ways, your grace-filled love and leadership gives perspective and joy to our family.

And to the man who brought these two women together in relationship, Ben. Thank you for your constant support, your loving encouragement, and your editing expertise. Thank you for late night talks and running to our aid when we had tech issues (again). We are so grateful for your patient spirit and the steadfast pillar of strength you are in our family and church.

And especially a thank you to God. You are our Rock. This pandemic year reminded us that life is but a vapor. Our prayer is that You alone are magnified and glorified, in our lives and writing.

INTRODUCTION

A re you ready to cultivate a healthier in-law relationship? Or maybe youre ready to give up, wondering if your hard relationship is hopeless. The truth is, even in the best of times, family relationships can challenge us. God puts us in families to give us a place where we can be nurtured and secure. But families also disappoint us and tempt us to bitterness. Whether you are opening this book with an expectant heart or as a last resort, we pray youll find hope and help.

Our names are Barbara and Stacy Reaoch, and we are not experts on the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. We are merely two women whose hearts God has graciously joined together through the life of one manStacys husband and Barbs son! Were here to tell our story and give you hope. With twenty years of ups and downs, weve known some hard times. But God has been at work. No matter how we may have messed up, God has always shown up to help usto grow our love and appreciation for one another. Even though we are women from different backgrounds, with different personalities and diverse priorities, weve found common ground; more than that, genuine love. Perhaps you wonder if God could do the same for you. By letting you in on our struggles and triumphs and hard-won lessons learned, were here to say this: he can .

We havent written a book of coping strategies. Nor are these pages filled solely with personal advice (though we chime in with practical ideas from time to time). We dont ignore difficult issues and tell you to simply hope for the best. Instead, we ask hard questions: Why are in-law relationships so challenging? Why do in-law dynamics break down? Why is it so easy to offend or be offended and so hard to forgive? As we explore these things together, our ultimate aim is to point you to the only One who gives lasting transforming truthJesus! As he has helped us in his Word and through his Spirit, Jesus will meet your deepest need in your in-law relationship.

Every relationshipeven the in-law-relationshipis a canvas on which the Master Artist paints the glorious truth of the gospel. With every phone call or family gathering, God paints another stroke. He is always working. He is faithful to his promise to use all things for our good. Out of the ordinary, even with her , he is creating beauty.

We dont know what your relationship is like with her, your in-law. Perhaps its in a decent place. Or perhaps youve been hurt. Maybe you fear the risk of another heart-breaking failure, even in picking up this book. Find comfort in this: as we developed each chapter, we talked with many women. And we heard the hurt and hesitation in their hearts. Some had to come to grips with the hard truth that not every relationship ends happily on this earth. Others learned that even when they did not understand Gods purposes, that they could trust him. Still others have seen God work wonders in their in-law relationship as theyve intentionally put his Word into practice. While all of their stories are different, and the status of their relationships with her are in varying places on the spectrum of enjoyment, one thing is true for them all: God moved inside them. And isnt that the real miracle? That God changes your relationship with her by changing you ?