2002 by LYSA TERKEURST
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked The Message are from The Message, copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Scripture quotations marked TLB are from The Living Bible, copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Editorial services by: Julie-Allyson Ieron, Joy Media
Book design by: Julia Ryan [www.DesignByJulia.com]
ISBN-13: 978-0-8024-4040-2
We hope you enjoy this book from Moody Publishers. Our goal is to provide high-quality, thought-provoking books and products that connect truth to your real needs and challenges. For more information on other books and products written and produced from a biblical perspective, go to www.moodypublishers.com or write to:
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: To Greg, Elsa, Bill, and the rest of the Moody Publishers staff: Thank you for catching the vision of the project. To Julie, Mark, and the rest of the Focus on the Family Publishing team: Thank you for helping carry the vision to many. To Julie-Allyson Ieron: Once again I thank you for lending your editorial expertise. To Marie Ogram: You are the world's greatest office manager and a wonderful friend. Thank you for all you did to make this project possible! To other staff members of Proverbs 31 MinistriesSharon, Joel, Shelly, Sherry, Lisa, Glynnis, Carol, Linda, Miriam, Suzi, Falinda, Ann, and all the many volunteers: I couldn't do what I do without you. What a blessing to work with such first class-people. To Scott Gordon and team at Promise Keepers: Thank you for all your help surveying and compiling responses in preparation for this project. To the many couples who allowed me to peek inside your hearts and minds and benefit from the wonderful insights you provided, especially David and Becky, Steve and Sheila, Scott and Melanie, and Angee and Taz. To all the men and women who have their quotes published within these pages: Thank you and may God richly bless your marriage.
THE GAME PLAN
INTRODUCTION
f you have left the toilet seat up nearly drowning your wife during her 2 a.m. trip to the potty.
- If you have ever been accused of being insensitive because you asked your wife what she did all day.
- If you have ever expected your wife to go from wiping noses and scrubbing toilets to sex goddess in thirty seconds or less.
- If your wife has ever asked you that delicate question, Honey, do I look fat? and you hesitated for one second or, worse yet, if you said yes.
- If your wife has ever come home from having her hair done only to hear you say you liked it better before or if you didn't notice her new do at all.
- If you have ever crawled in bed at night with that something special on your mind only to have your wife ask you to just hold her, and you've felt frustrated and confused.
- If you have ever wondered why your wife seemed less than excited to get a new vacuum cleaner or a subscription to Shape magazine for her birthday or, worse yet, if you've ever forgotten her birthday.
- If you have ever been perplexed by your wife's emotional outburst and in an effort to help her you suggested calling an exorcist to help rid her of demons.
- If you've ever wished you could understand your wife better.
- If you've ever desired to capture her heart.
If even one of these statements rings true to you, do not pass Go and do not collect $200. Go directly to the sales counter, buy this book, and read on.
You do need this book!
Let's face it, most marriages have problems. These problems will lead a couple in one of two directions. They will either lead to building walls that isolate and destroy the relationship or they will lead to creative solutions that strengthen and enhance the relationship.
I believe that within every problem, there is a treasure to be found. I am not writing this book because my husband and I never have problems. Quite the contrary. I am writing this book because we have faced our problems head-on, found creative solutions, and discovered treasures along the way. As I've traveled around the country speaking to women on marriage and sharing our creative solutions, many have told me they wished there was a book to help men understand their needs better. So, I started asking them to write down what they felt every husband should know. The women of America have spoken, or nearly one thousand of them have, and here are their answers:
EIGHT THINGS EVERY HUSBAND NEEDS TO KNOW
- Your wife needs you to be the spiritual leader of your home.
- Your wife needs you to be her teammate in raising the kids and taking care of the home.
- Your wife needs you to treat her like a princess.
- Your wife needs you to communicate with her.
- Your wife needs her friends and needs you to allow her time with the girls, but ultimately she wants you to be her best friend.
- Your wife needs you to be a triple A encourager by giving her appreciation, affirmation, and admiration.
- Your wife needs to feel emotionally filled before she desires to be sexually involved.
- Your wife needs you to understand that there are some things you will never understand. This doesn't make either of you right or wrongjust different.
When Art and I first got married, we viewed marriage as an overflowing treasure chest full of things like fun, security, companionship, adventure, good communication, and great sex. We were shocked to discover that our chest was empty. We now know that if our marriage is going to be full of great things, it is up to us to fill our marriage chest with great treasures. Having a great marriage takes time, creativity, and a willingness to understand the needs of the other person. That's where this book is going to help you. You can't possibly meet the needs of your wife and fill up your marriage treasure chest if you don't know what her needs and desires are.