Tammy Trent - Learning to Breathe Again: Choosing Life and Finding Hope After a Shattering Loss

Selected lyrics in this volume have been recorded

on the following Tammy Trent CDs:

Set You Free

Hes Right There by Todd Collins and Lisa Kimmey
My Irreplaceable by Michael Gavin, Ray St. James,
Steve Siler, and Tammy Trent

You Have My Heart

Welcome Home by John Mandeville
You Dont Have the Strength by John Mandeville and
Steve Siler

Breathing

Father God and New Life by Tammy Trent and
Pete Orta

For more information about Tammy Trent Ministries, visit:
www.tammytrent.com

2004 Tammy Trent.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc. titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@thomasnelson.com.

Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

Other Scripture references are from the following sources:

The King James Version of the Bible (KJV).

The Message (MSG), Eugene Petersen 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Song lyrics and other borrowed materials are used by permission of the copyright holders. Please see complete credits on page 213.

The stories in this volume are true, but in some instances, names and details have been changed to protect identities.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Trent, Tammy.
Learning to breathe again : choosing life and finding hope after a shattering loss / Tammy Trent.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-8499-0954-2 (tp)
ISBN 978-0-8499-1826-1 (hc)
1. Trent,Tammy. 2. Lenderink,TrentDeath and burial. 3. BereavementReligious aspectsChristianity. 4. Christian biographyUnited States. I. Title
BR1725.T665A3 2004
277.3'083'0922dc22

2004005548

Printed in the United States of America
07 08 09 10 11 RRD 9 8 7 6 5 4

T HIS BOOK is dedicated to the greatest love my heart has ever known here on earth.

Trent, through the memories of your undying love and faithfulness to me, Im learning to breathe again, somehow, without you. I never got to say good-bye to you, and I will always hate that. So I hold on to the day when I will get to say hello again in heaven.

What is it like there, Trent? What are you doing? Each day that passes here brings me closer to the day Ill see you again. Dont forget me,Trent. Ill be there sooner than you think, and I promise well still be the best of friends.

Thank you for all you gave to me throughout my life. I will be forever changed because of who you are to me. I love you always.

Tammy, your girl

Contents

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY...Wait! Thats a different project. (smile) Here go the real acknowledgments.

To Jesus: Thank you for paying the ultimate price for Trent and me on Calvary so we would feel and know hope that can come only from you. Thank you for your presence and love and hope in my life. I do believe... even in the hard times.

To Mom and Dad: (Thats the first time I can ever remember writing, To Mom and Dad.) With my eyes filled with tears, I thank you both for loving me unconditionally. Ive learned so much from your examples of Christ in my life. I love you both and the way you shine!

To my little sister, Gina: You are truly one of the most important people in my life. Youve been my big sister so many times throughout this journey. I love you so much.

To my big brother, Norm: You have been the perfect picture of a big brother protecting his little sis. I love you, Norm, and the way you cry with me.

To Mom and Dad Lenderink: Thank you for loving me... especially now. I will always need you in my life. Of all the gifts you ever gave me, Trent was my favorite. Thank you for sharing him with me. He adored his family.

To Pam Thum, my very best friend: Youve been there through it all, and you still love me. Your love and prayers for me have pushed away many dark clouds in my life. Thank you for your timeless friendship.

To my nieces and nephews, Joshua, Jordan, Anna, Amanda, Sarah, Jonathan, Kenny, and Kyle: You are always so quick to hug and kiss Auntie T when Im sad. I love playing, snuggling, and hanging out with you all so much. All my heart, Aunt Tammy.

To Anita Rundell: Im so happy the Lord brought you into my life three years ago. Who knew youd become one of my best friends and traveling buddies? Youve seen every side of me, and youre still here. Thank you for making me laugh again. I love you, girl.

To the Women of Faith team: Thank you for your healing love and acceptance that have been so gently wrapped around my heart these last couple of years. I love being with you and making you laugh! Now, put that thing away!

To Debbie Wickwire at Thomas Nelson: Youve always seen something special in this story and in me. I can never thank you enough for believing in and genuinely loving me. Youre remarkable.

To Sue Ann Jones: Thank you for taking my words and then so beautifully bringing them to life through these pages. You will always be another angel in my life.What a privilege to work with you on this book. I felt completely safe.

To Lynn Morrow: Thanks for always looking out for me. You always seem to know my heart.

Thanks to Stephen, so unselfish; to Ken, so strong; to Diana, the perfect mom; to Keith, for loving my mom; and to Val, for loving my dad.

And to the countless friends, fans, and churches around the world who have prayed for me: I know Im here today, pressing on, because you stood in the gap for me when I could not stand alone. Thank you, straight from the heart.

Trent at the Blue Lagoon

A FTER LUNCH we returned to the rental car so Trent could put on his diving suit. I waited while he sat on the car seat, his muscular, beautifully tanned legs stretching out through the door. He stuck one foot, then the other, into the legs of the stretchy, one-piece garment and stood up to pull it on. It fit his sleek, muscular body like a second skin, and once again I was reminded that I had married the worlds handsomest man.

With the wet suit half on, he reached for my hand (that was our thingwe held hands everywhere we went) and walked together down to the dock alongside Jamaicas spectacular Blue Lagoon, where he planned to dive. On the dock, when his well-toned chest and six-pack abs were about to disappear behind the full-length zipper, I couldnt resist the urge to capture the moment.

Trent, stop, I said, digging through my beach bag for the camera. You look amazing. Let me take a picture of you right now. You look