Betty Pries - The Space Between Us: Conversations about Transforming Conflict

The Space Between Us is an invaluable book. Betty Pries uses her keen intellect, contemplative heart, and years of mediating personal and organizational conflict to guide us into the knowledge and practices that can lead us to peace with ourselves and with the people whose lives intersect our own. She invites us onto a challenging path, which holds the risk of our becoming humbler, wiser, more generous, and more gracious.

REBECCA SLOUGH , academic dean and professor of worship and the arts emerita at Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary

I read this book in the midst of dealing with a significant conflict in our organization, incorporating Betty Priess methods in how I was working at transformation. Never have I come across a book that weaves together the necessity to engage the deepest sense of oneself with conflict transformation strategy... and this book does it through a narrative paradigm. Absolutely brilliant!

DOUG KLASSEN , executive minister of Mennonite Church Canada

The Space Between Us offers readers a rich well of practical wisdom about what it means to be human and how to flourish in a world full of pain and conflict. Betty Pries shows us how conflict can be an opportunity for the growth of both individuals and communities. This book is especially important for churches, as it invites us to live more fully into the vibrant, relational life of the Trinity, for which we were created.

C. CHRISTOPHER SMITH , author of How the Body of Christ Talks: Recovering the Practice of Conversation in the Church

This book is essential reading for anyone navigating conflict. It is a refreshingly holistic and practical approach to both healing oneself and transforming conflict. With exquisite skill and gentle, storied accompaniment, the author explains what could be highly theoretical and philosophical concepts in a most accessible form. This is a handbook for being human, regardless of your spiritual perspective.

JENNIFER BALL , assistant professor of peace and conflict studies at Conrad Grebel University College, University of Waterloo

In The Space Between Us, Betty Pries offers sound conflict management principles and takes the reader much deeper. We are guided toward wisdom so needed in our world todaythe ability to manage our defenses and differences in order to see and embrace the common humanity of our belovedness. Her work provides a path to greater hope for healing the self and to greater joy for a human community seeking reconciliation.

DAVID BOSHART , president of Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary

Herald Press
PO Box 866, Harrisonburg, Virginia 22803
www.HeraldPress.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Pries, Betty, author.

Title: The space between us : conversations about transforming conflict / Betty Pries.

Description: Harrisonburg, Virginia : Herald Press, 2021. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021016301 (print) | LCCN 2021016302 (ebook) | ISBN 9781513808680 (paperback) | ISBN 9781513808697 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781513808703 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal conflict--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Conflict management--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Interpersonal relations--Religious aspects--Christianity. | BISAC: RELIGION / Christian Living / Social Issues | RELIGION / Christian Living / Spiritual Growth

Classification: LCC BV4597.53.C58 P74 2021 (print) | LCC BV4597.53.C58 (ebook) | DDC 248.4--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021016301

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021016302

Study guides are available for many Herald Press titles at www.HeraldPress.com.

THE SPACE BETWEEN US

2021 by Herald Press, Harrisonburg, Virginia 22803. 800-245-7894.

All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021016301

International Standard Book Number: 978-1-5138-0868-0 (paperback);

978-1-5138-0869-7 (hardcover); 978-1-5138-0870-3 (ebook)

Printed in United States of America

All rights reserved. This publication may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in whole or in part, in any form, by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the copyright owners.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture text is quoted, with permission, from the New Revised Standard Version, 1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America.

25 24 23 22 2110 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Paul

And for Anya, Thomas, and Stefan

Foreword

I remember a vivid moment of disagreement I experienced at an early age. I had a group of about nine friends in my neighborhood who played together all the timebackyard football, hide-and-seek, and target practice with crab apples. One summer night, participating in our regular shenanigans at our local park, someone suddenly yelled that their Transformer action figure was missing from their duffel bag. The blaming and finger-pointing began. Whatever subtle antagonisms had been under the surface came spewing out like a volcanic eruption. Everyone immediately started taking sides. Factions quickly formedfour kids yelling and another four screaming back. I stood frozen as one kid called me out: Dan, pick a side or go home. Sadly, we stopped playing together after that day. That rift lasted for three years.

I tell this story because of how obviously childish it is but also because of how common it is for adults. We dont know how to disagree well, whether were playing in the park or talking about political issues. Conflict often creates two sharply contrasting groups or sets of opinions. It polarizes ussplitting us, creating a chasm. We begin to believe we only have two options: our side or their side. We pick a side and fight until someone wins or gives up. Too often, we Christians switch between passive silence and bitter tirades in the face of our differences. This doesnt seem very Christian to me.

We know this is how wars start, but its also how churches split, families divide, and longtime friendships dissolve. Can we move beyond this us versus them approach to conflict? This polarized approach to conflict is not a new story; its actually an old one. From the time of the fall, being pitted against each other has plagued Gods peoplethe tales of Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, the brothers in the parable of the prodigal son. Such examples are the product of the fall in Genesis 3 and do not come from Gods original design for us in Genesis 1. A winner-takes-all political culture reinforces this sin even more so in well-meaning Christians.

The force of conflict has been felt by us all, but few of us have pursued the art and act of transforming conflict. Honestly, its most often been relegated to professional mediators, whom we see as performing some sort of magic trick. But transforming conflict is not magic; it is a deeply meaningful way to follow Jesus. To grow out of our self-protective survival instincts and mature into rooted ways of addressing the divisions in our life is what we ache for in our human existence. We know this is what it means to more beautifully engage in the world. There may be no other competency that is more essential in our time.