Jayson Gaddis - Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships

In this compelling guide to approaching conflict in our most intimate relationships, Jayson Gaddis offers a science-informed, practical toolbox for resolving the inevitable tensions that arise in our personal and professional lives. Filled with useful concepts and readily applicable steps to sensing and solving interpersonal challenges, repairing ruptures when they occur, this book is not about trying to achieve a life without difficulties in our relationships, but is about moving toward a receptive state of calm and claritya state our author names as zeroin which we can engage our inner life and our connections with others with kindness and presence that research suggests are at the core of mutually rewarding, generative ways of living with compassion, connection, and well-being.

Daniel J. Siegel , MD, executive director, Mindsight Institute; New York Times bestselling author of IntraConnected, Mind,Mindsight, and Aware

Jayson Gaddis has written, in our view, one of the most clear and helpful books on this endemic feature of our humanity: conflict. If you want to know what conflict is and how to resolve it, Getting to Zero will give you to that destination. We recommend this book to everyone who has ever felt that twitch which plunges us into darkness. While it is replete with accessible theory about what is happening in your mind and brain, it is even more generous with practical guidance from that will lead you from conflict to connection.

Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, authors of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

Jayson Gaddiss excellent new book, Getting to Zero, is a fabulous couple guide to conflict solutions interspersed with inspirational self-disclosures of Jaysons own life and relationship experiences. He provides valuable conceptual framing and techniques for managing conflict. His detailed insights will be of great value to readers interested in effective loving relationships.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) and author of We Do and Wired for Love

Jayson Gaddis has dedicated his life to understanding the dizzyingly complex, emotionally charged territory of relationships. The knowledge he has accumulated is a gold mine for anyone looking to create deep, fulfilling connections with others. This book is a lifeline for anyone who has wondered how to thrive in relationships.

Cory Muscara, host of Mindfulness.com and author of Stop Missing Your Life

Jayson Gaddis has done it! He has written a brilliant, practical book that leaves no stone unturned in its quest for healthier relationships. Far too many relationships fall apart because humans have never been taught how to convert conflict into transformation. This book stops the bleeding, and provides the tools and techniques that every relationship needs to get to the other side.

Jeff Brown, author of An Uncommon Bond and Grounded Spirituality

As a couples therapist, professor, and relationship educator, I am excited to recommend Getting to Zero to my clients and students. Jayson Gaddis is a magnificent teacherthoughtful, warm, nerdy, practical, and wise. The approach he offers on these pages is one that serves our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls. Dive in! You are going to be so glad you did and the people you love will be so glad too!

Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty, School of Education and Social Policy, Northwestern University; author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back

Finally, a book that gets right to the heart of how to work with relational conflict! Jayson Gaddis brilliantly helps the reader understand what conflict is, why it arises, and offers a roadmap through these challenging times. His ability to weave together psychology, human behavior, and interpersonal dynamics leaves no stone unturned. Thank you, Jayson, for your tremendous contribution to this part of the human experience that many find themselves lost in. This book is a must-read for everyone.

Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, president of the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute and creator of Synergetic Play Therapy

Getting to Zero is the ultimate loving relationships guide for anyone who would love to transform disconnection to connection, conflict into communication, victim mentality into victory mentality, survival into thrival, and inauthenticity into authenticity.

Dr. John DeMartini , international bestselling author of The Values Factor

Getting to Zero holds the keys to deepening your relationships and exponentially up-leveling your joy in life! Jayson Gaddis has written the step-by-step guide on resolving conflict from the inside out. As founder of The Relationship School and relational expert, Jayson seamlessly untangles the complexity of resolving conflict to makes the process accessible to all of us if you want to be seen, heard, and understood in your relationships.

Terri Cole , psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Boundary Boss

Most names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect them from recognition.

Copyright 2021 by Jayson Gaddis

Cover design by Terri Sirma
Cover copyright 2021 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

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First Edition: October 2021
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Gaddis, Jayson, author.

Title: Getting to zero : how to work through conflict in your high-stakes relationships / Jayson Gaddis.

Description: First edition. | New York : Go Hachette Books, 2021. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021019564 | ISBN 9780306924811 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780306924828 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Conflict management. | Interpersonal relations. | Self-actualization (Psychology)

Classification: LCC HM1126 .G33 2021 | DDC 303.6/9--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021019564.

ISBNs: 9780306924811 (hardcover); 9780306924828 (ebook)

E3-20210812-JV-NF-ORI

First and foremost, this book is for me. May I take all my own advice and continue to get better at conflict in my own life.

To the parents who are willing to learn how to navigate conflict. We cant expect our children to get this unless we model it every day. Thanks for being one of those people.

To all the schoolteachers out there. We expect way too much of you. This books for you, too, so you and your students have a map on how to get back to a good place again. I want this book in every high school in the United States.

To all the growth-oriented people in the world who are willing to learn how to navigate conflict in a way that improves your relationships and the world around you.