Pat Samples - Self-Care for Caregivers: A Twelve Step Approach

CHAPTER ONE :
Whats Expected of a Caregiver

CHAPTER TWO :
Where the Problems Start

CHAPTER THREE :
Freedom from Control: Beginning the Twelve Steps

CHAPTER FOUR :
Acknowledging What Hurts

CHAPTER FIVE :
Giving Away the Pain

CHAPTER SIX :
Breaking Free

CHAPTER SEVEN :
Finding Strength Day by Day

People often ask me if I wrote this book because of being a caregiver myself. In part, thats true. Ive been a caregiver at times for several people close to me and I wanted to share with others some of the strength and hope that the Twelve Steps have given me in those situations.

In addition, Ive been deeply moved by the stories Ive heard from my friends Marvin and Diane Larsen and from other caregivers. Ive been touched by their pain and wisdom. Ive felt a kinship with them. That sense of kinship, of knowing Im not alone, is at the heart of the Twelve Step program. It has brought me great comfort over the years. It has also stirred in me a desire to enlarge the circle of kinship so that other caregivers may experience the benefits of the program.

Ive been involved in Twelve Step programs for over fifteen years. Ive been caring about caregivers for almost a decade. That special desire to be of service to caregivers has become my personal mission. I have given many talks and workshops to caregivers and to the professionals who work with them, sharing the message of hope and inviting them to turn inward to find peace of mind. I believe that we all have within us the wisdom we need to make sane and healthy choices for ourselves in the midst of the challenges of caregiving. But if we dont take care of ourselves, it can be harder for us to tap into that wisdom. The Twelve Step program shows us how to take care of ourselves so we can maintain and deepen our serenity.

I have been pleased to see the results of sharing this good news. Many people have called me to tell me how much the book helped them and to ask for a second copy to pass along to a struggling friend or relative. I remember one woman, whose husband had Alzheimers, telling me she kept a copy of the book under her pillow. That way, when her husband would wake up and wander during the night, she could reach for it and find solace. Another caregiver, deep in depression when she first came across the book, expressed tearful gratitude for showing her a way out.

I have also been gratified by the responses of professional caregivers who have told me that they too have benefited from the Twelve Step approach described in this book. Nurses, social workers, hospice workers, and other medical, social service, and religious professionals tend to know burnout all too well. I remember speaking to a group of clergy, inviting them to send caregivers from their congregation to a Self-Care for Caregivers workshop I was conducting. One of them asked if they (the clergy members) could come too. Then they began telling me their stories of the burden of having to care for their own parents and family members on top of their ministerial duties. Even these clerics with strong religious foundations were glad to be reminded of the need to rely on a Power greater than themselves.

A nursing director at a mental hospital told me she turned to the book often when the many legal and administrative demands on her, plus her patients complex needs, were pushing her to the edge of rage and tears. She said she was learning to step back from overcaring and to ask for what she needed.

You may find many ways to get the most out of this book. One good way is to find another caregiver, or several, to share it with. Meet together or talk on the phone regularly. Discuss each step and how you are using the step to help you. Talk about the exercises described at the end of each step and what you have learned from doing them. Focus on supporting each others growth and progress.

You might consider organizing a Caregivers Anonymous group. A few of these groups have started in recent years. However, there is no formal structure in place to support them, at least not at the time this book went to press. You can contact other Twelve Step groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Al-Anon to gather ideas about how to run a group meeting and to learn more about other Twelve Step resources. Hazelden also provides many resources that you may find helpful.