Andy Heller - Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family

This book is great for those preparing for, or in the midst of, a divorce, providing practical tips and sound advice. It is a must-read, not only to help you better understand the divorce process, but also walk away with some peace for yourself and your children.

Lauren E. Holland, M.S., Ed.S., LPC, NCC

How will I survive? How will I ever get through this? What do I do, where do I start? What happens next? Navigating the waters of divorce is never easy. This book has been my life preserver and kept me from drowning. This book makes you know you are not alone.

Wendy Freedman, Divorcee

Wish I had this kind of guide with me when I was going through my divorce several years ago. Andy has a way of cutting through the noiseand theres often so much noiseto offer blunt, practical, actionable, and sometimes highly counterintuitive advice for people going through this uniquely disruptive and disorienting time in their lives. That said, honestly, what permeates more quietly and more powerfully throughout this book are the navigation tools and insights for any couple, married or otherwise, who are simply and literally trying to keep it all together.

Elliott Kopstein, Divorcee

Very practical recommendations on how to navigate a divorceI love that the author has consulted with professionally licensed therapists. A must-read for anyone going through a divorce!

Caroline Altfield, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., R.P.T.

This book is a must-read. Its a blueprint guide for anyone considering or initiating a divorce. Reading these tips helped me through the difficult early stages of the divorce process.

Matt Zilinskas, Divorcee

Divorce can be hell, but with good friends and good advice, your life can move forward with dignity and happiness can return. Supportive friends during your time of need are a blessing, but the advice they offer is not always what you need. Unless they have walked in your shoes, friends advice too often focuses on fighting back, payback time, and getting whats yours. Author Andy Heller has walked in your shoes and in my shoes. Take the High Road is like talking to a wise friend. The good counsel found in these pages reminds us to not lose our sense of humanity and empathy for yourself, for your children, and for the person you need to learn to co-parent with.

Gabriel Petlin, Divorcee

The book, wowprobably the most helpful self-help book I have ever read! Some of the tips offered have been absolutely instrumental in helping me get through my divorce, especially with issues involving kids. This book is a must-read for anyone thinking about or going through a divorce. Thank you, Andy, for such a helpful road map.

Margaret Julian, Divorcee

Ive been a family therapist for a really long time. Over those years, I have come to understand how breaking up a marriage often feels to the people living through it; it feels like becoming a stranger in a strange land.

If you are holding this book in your hand because it caught your attention, you should buy it. If you did pick it up, you need to think about why, and be honest with yourself.

I think of it as a manual of best practices for getting through one of lifes more difficult transitions. He makes many practical suggestions that reflect his personal experience and the experiences of those hes had conversations with over the years. Let him be your guide.

Roger Lake, MFT

Copyright 2022 Andrew Heller

The conversations and events in the book are true and all come from the authors recollections. Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the copyright owner, which permission may be requested through the publisher.

Published in the USA by

Dudley Court Press

Sonoita, Arizona

www.DudleyCourtPress.com

Publishers Cataloging in Publication Data

Names: Heller, Andy, author.

Title: Take the high road : divorce with compassion for yourself and your family / Andy Heller.

Description: Sonoita, AZ : Dudley Court Press, [2022] | Includes index.

Identifiers: ISBN: 978-1-940013-94-7 (paper) | 978-1-940013-95-4 (eBook) | LCCN: 2021907394

Subjects: LCSH: Divorce--United States. | Divorce--United States--Case studies. | Divorce--Psychological aspects. | Divorce counseling--United States. | Divorced parents--Family relationships. | Children of divorced parents--Family relationships.

Classification: LCC: HQ834 .H45 2021 | DDC: 306.89/30973--dc23

Dudley Court Press is committed to publishing works of quality and integrity. We are proud to offer this book to our readers.

The story, the experiences, opinions and words are the authors alone.

www.DudleyCourtPress.com

YEARS AGO, BEFORE THERE WERE CELL PHONES OR CAR GPSS, I DECIDED to take my husband on a surprise romantic getaway in the Hill Country of Texas. We got off to a late start, and by the time the sun set, we were decidedly lost. We were driving up a single-lane country road, lit only by the cars headlights. With no place to pull off the road, I asked my husband to pull out the map, which was always in the glove compartment. Except this time.

We began to fight. Who forgot to put the map in the car? Tensions rose, and with them, anxiety, anger, blame, criticism of each others characterthe whole gamut of negativity. By the time we reached our destination (and yes, we did eventually reach it, albeit hours late), we were exhausted, furious with each other, and in no mood for a getaway. If wed only had a roadmap, things might have been different.

Marriage itself usually begins with romantic aspirations. Sometimes, somewhere along the way, the couple gets off-course or deliberately goes down divergent paths. At the point that divorce is considered, both parties are usually feeling lost, angry, and critical. Something went wrong in the journey of marriage, and now one or both people want out. Each person blames the other for the wrong turn, the lack of ability to keep the marriage intact. From the destination being a long, happy life together, it has changed to a destination apart from one anotherwith kids in tow.

But how to reach that destination? Wheres the roadmap that will allow the former couple to make choices about how to reach a life apart? Given the lack of a map, many people choose a litigator (who may or may not have the persons well-being at heart, and who may have more of an eye on filling their own wallet instead) to give them the information they need.

In my book, Joint Custody with A Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex, I give parents a communication map to help them raise their children in the healthiest possible way, even in the face of an ex who seems to take every opportunity to undermine, disagree with, and sabotage their efforts.

What I didnt do, and where Andy Hellers book comes in, is provide a pragmatic guide of the divorce process itself. If we think of divorce as the destination, Take the High Road: How to Divorce with Compassion, Compromise, and Cooperation becomes the roadmap that will get a couple there.