Ashley Vigil-Otero - The Self-Confidence Workbook for Teens: Mindfulness Skills to Help You Overcome Social Anxiety, Be Assertive, and Believe in Yourself

Clear, pragmatic, and lovingly optimistic, Vigil-Otero and Willard offer teens the tools and attitudes to stride confidently through their personal, school, and social lives while being amply buffered against maturations inevitable challenges. Delivering mindfulness and self-compassion practices geared to the developing mind, this workbook will engage and support teens in countless ways.

Zindel Segal, PhD , distinguished professor of psychology in mood disorders at the University of Toronto Scarborough

Modern teens face a world filled with more social pressures than ever before. This clearly written book presents teens with a wealth of helpful guidance for building confidence and dealing with challenging life situations, skillfully drawn from cutting-edge therapy approaches. It then guides them to apply these skills to the common challenges faced by teens everywhere. Highly recommended!

Russell Kolts, PhD , professor of psychology at Eastern Washington University, and author of CFT Made Simple and The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger

This easy-to-understand and easy-to-follow guide for adolescents is a treasure chest of insightful and compassionate ways of understanding why our minds are the way they are, which helps us to reduce feelings of shame and build self-confidence. From mindfulness to assertiveness and positive relationship building, the authors offer invaluable guidance on how to work with our tricky minds and build confidence to pursue goals that are helpful to ourselves and others.

Paul Gilbert, PhD, FBPsS, OBE , professor of clinical psychology at the University of Derby, visiting professor at the University of Queensland, president of The Compassionate Mind Foundation, and author of The Compassionate Mind

Struggling teens benefit from clear instruction and guidance that promotes action. They also need to hearover and over againthat their feelings, thoughts, and perceptions are not permanent, but instead are malleable and manageable. This book checks all those boxes: concrete, relatable, and full of steps that teens can use to build a more confident, active, evolving life.

Lynn Lyons, LICSW , author of The Anxiety Audit ; and coauthor of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents

This caring, compassionate, and well-researched workbook offers teens an invaluable road map to build and rebuild their confidence. This workbook is packed with accessible mindfulness and compassion practices that are of ever-increasing importance in helping youth navigate the challenges and pressures of our current times. With engaging ideas and stories from their own personal and professional lives, as well as clear explanations of the best techniques the field has to offer, Vigil-Otero and Willard write like the warm, humorous, and experienced therapists they are.

Joan Borysenko, PhD , New York Times bestselling author of Minding the Body, Mending the Mind

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

INSTANT HELP, the Clock Logo, and NEW HARBINGER are trademarks of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

New Harbinger Publications is an employee-owned company.

The Three Circles model of emotions is adapted with permission from THE COMPASSIONATE MIND by Paul Gilbert, copyright 2009 by Little, Brown Book Group Limited. Used by permission of Little, Brown.

The Captain of the Ship story in activity 13 is adapted from An Open-Hearted Life: Transformative Methods for Compassionate Living from a Clinical Psychologist and a Buddhist Nun, by Russell Kolts and Thubten Chodron, 2015. Used by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boulder, CO. www.shambhala.com.

Copyright 2023 by Ashley Vigil-Otero and Christopher Willard

Instant Help Books

An imprint of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

All Rights Reserved

Cover design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Jess OBrien; Edited by Kristi Hein

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

In memory of my dad, my winning ticket. Thank you for teaching me what matters most.
AVO

With gratitude to my teachers and my students. I dont know who has taught me more. Their wisdom permeates these pages.
CTW

Contents

letter to the reader: how to use this book

Dear Reader,

Maybe you bought this book for yourself, or maybe an adult who cares handed it to you because they want to help. We understand that youre busywith a social life, school, family, maybe even things like sports or a jobso reading and writing your way through all these pages is probably not at the top of your to-do list. Good news: You dont have to work through the entire book, cover to cover. Of course, you can if youd like, and we dont mind if you do. But we wrote the book so you can skip around to focus on what matters most to you. You might choose to read on your own or with a trusted friend or adult who knows you well and supports you.

In our work as psychologists, weve found that when it comes to building self-confidence, mindfulness and compassion practices really seem to work well. Wondering why? We wont bore you with the research, but mindfulness, including practices of self-compassion, can help build inner resources for confidence and offer alternate routes around the most common blocks. Mindfulness in particular can allow us to see more clearly, providing helpful perspective and comfort when we most need it. And self-compassion can be key to resilience and self-worth, helping us recover from setbacks and more effectively work with that inner critic who tends to chip away at our confidence. (More on that later.)

Lets walk you through what youll find in the book. Part 1 starts with understanding what self-confidence is, what gets in the way (the common blocks), and how to boost your confidence. Youll take some time to explore which areas of life youre already strong in and which are more challenging. From there, youll learn about the automatic stress reactions that can worsen your challenges and undermine both your confidence and your resiliency, such as getting swept up by your emotions, avoidance, self-criticism, and shame. Although you can work through the book however you want to, we suggest you read part 1 first; it has core information and exercises that will relate to the other parts of the book.

In part 2, we focus on issues at school, walking through moments in a school day that are hot spots for confidence challenges, like talking to teachers, performing under pressure, and trying new things. Browse through these pages and see what is relevant for you. Try the specific skills and interventions for your personal hot spots, whether thats speaking up in class or dealing with academic upsets.

In part 3, we turn to social situations outside of school and how they affect self-confidence. Again, you can read in order or skip around to the issues that affect you most, such as dealing with worries before you get to a social event, navigating social mistakes, getting hurt, or feeling unsure in a relationship.

Throughout the book, we teach you things you can actually do to boost your confidence, manage your emotions, try new things, and recover from setbacks. We hope you find it helpful not just for your confidence, but also for getting you closer to the goals and dreams youre shooting for.