Cynthia Orange - Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved Ones PTSD
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- Book:Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved Ones PTSD
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Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved Ones PTSD: summary, description and annotation
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Shock Waves is a practical, user-friendly guide for those who love someone suffering from this often debilitating anxiety disorder, whether that person is a survivor of war or of another harrowing situation or event. Through her own experience, extensive research, advice from mental health professionals, and interviews with those working through PTSD and their families, Cynthia Orange shows readers how to identify what PTSD symptoms look like in real life, respond to substance abuse and other co-occurring disorders, manage their reactions to a loved ones violence and rage, find effective professional help, and prevent their children from experiencing secondary trauma.
Each section of Shock Waves includes questions and exercises to help readers incorporate the books lessons into their daily lives and interactions with their traumatized loved ones.
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Shock Waves shines a light on those who walk with the wounded; it honors their own tattered spirits and offers help. This book defines the art of self-care and how to couple it with caring.
Patricia Weaver Francisco, author of
Telling: A Memoir of Rape and Recovery
An honest and hopeful approach to the important and challenging work of traumatic loss.
Thomas M. Ellis, director of the Center for Grief, Loss &
Transition and author of This Thing Called Grief
With the earnestness of a teacher, the compassion of a healer, and the credibility of a partner living alongside someone with PTSD, Cynthia Orange has written a truly useful book. She leaves us with the conviction that self-care is not a lofty or selfish goal, but a necessity when in relationship with someone who has PTSD. The story of her own familys healing is a boon to the soul.
Julie E. Neraas, author of Apprenticed to Hope:
A Sourcebook for Difficult Times
Cynthia Orange has written a wise, well-researched, and moving book for victims of PTSD and their loved ones. Hers is the voice of hard-earned wisdom from personal journey. I was moved to tears by the authenticity of this honest book.
Ann Linnea, author of Deep Water Passage
and Keepers of the Trees
Shock Waves is filled with wise and down-on-the-ground suggestions for dealing with this pervasive problem in our culture. It is also the story of the authors own struggle with her husbands PTSD, narrated with a candor that does not flinch before the heartache and difficulties this disorder represents. Orange offers a next step for those stopped in their tracks, and a realistic hope for those who now can only see the darkness.
Dr. Tex Sample, author of Earthy Mysticism
A Practical Guide
to Living with a Loved Ones PTSD
Cynthia Orange
Hazelden
Center City, Minnesota 55012
hazelden.org
2010 by Cynthia Orange
All rights reserved. Published 2010
Printed in the United States of America
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwisewithout the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Orange, Cynthia.
Shock waves : a practical guide to living with a loved one's PTSD / by Cynthia
Orange.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-59285-856-9 (softcover)
Ebook ISBN 978-1-59285-992-4
1. Post-traumatic stress disorderPatientsFamily relationships. 2. Post-traumatic stress disorderDiagnosis. 3. Stress management. 4. Self-care, Health. I. Title.
RC552.P67O73 2010
616.85'21dc22
2010005721
Editors note
The names, details, and circumstances may have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned in this publication.
This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals.
Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
13 12 11 10 1 2 3 4 5 6
Cover design by Percolator
Interior design by David Spohn
Typesetting by BookMobile Design and Publishing Services
T HE STORIES EXCERPTED throughout this book are based on actual experiences, relayed to me through interviews and conversations or in response to questionnaires distributed to trauma survivors; to those affected by a loved ones trauma or PTSD; and to therapists, doctors, addiction counselors, or others who work with trauma survivors and those affected by a loved ones trauma or PTSD. Unless otherwise noted, they are presented anonymously to protect the privacy of the people involved. In some cases, some details have been changed to ensure anonymity.
I have intentionally employed the University of Oxford convention of using they, them, or their with a singular noun such as loved one, to ensure gender inclusiveness while avoiding the more formal and awkward use of he or she, his or her, or him or her.
For Jessica, Jeff, Oskar, Quinlan, and Michael
The family I treasure; the future I embrace
A LTHOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE A B MOVIE, our story began in the summer of 1968, at the top of the Empire State Building. I was visiting New York with two girlfriends from Minnesota, and Michael was there with several of his seminary high-school friends from Ohio. Our faces were smooth with youthful anticipation, our lives fairly uncomplicated. We felt an instant connection, and I came home and announced to my best friend, I met the man I know I could happily marry. Then he went off to march in the Vietnam War and I marched against it but our friendship remained unshakable; our correspondence honest and constant. Meanwhile, I married someone else, gave birth to a beautiful daughter, and later divorced. When Michael moved to Minnesota in 1973, I finally married my soul mate. He adopted Jessica, and we became an official family. I soon discovered, however, that when I married Michael, I also married Vietnam and the trauma he carried from his combat experience.
This book is about our journey and the journeys of others who, like us, have learned to live with the challenges and scars of trauma and the shock wave effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). While our familys trauma stemmed from war, there are many other causes for trauma, from physical and sexual abuse and violence, to economic and natural disasters, serious accidents, sudden deaths, and terrorist attacks. As my family learned, when trauma affects a loved one, it affects the entire family.
Shock Waves is especially for those who, in their efforts to understand and care for their traumatized love one, discover they need care and understanding themselves. Shock Waves is a story of healing and healers. Most important, it is a story of hope.
A LTHOUGH I DID NOT EXPECT IT, writing Shock Waves has been a cathartic step in an ongoing voyage of healing. I want to thank my family of friends who supported me and this book by telling their stories and helping me gather those of othersstories that poignantly show how far-reaching the effects of trauma can be. I am indebted to all who contributed, and I thank them for their candor and courage in revisiting events and experiences that can still cause pain and sorrow. Know that your wise and hope-filled words make a difference.
Special thanks to my sister Dianne Smith, and to dear friends Rick and Sharon Slettehaugh for their sharp eyes, open hearts, and honest critiques as they read each draft of each chapter. You never fail to make my work better, my life richer.
Thanks also to Chris Hiben for mysteriously intuiting when I needed to cry, laugh, talk, or play. To Vince Hyman and Mary Brennan for sage advice and Fireside chats.
I am forever grateful to Dianna Diers for her listening ears, wise counsel, consistent support, and deep friendship. Thanks also to Patrick, Sandy, and Seanhealers all. Youve graced our lives by giving us strength and guidance when we most needed it.
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