IN THE PROCESS of writing this book, I have become acutely aware of a truth so aptly stated by the poet John Donne, that no man is an island, and by Walt Whitman, who said, I contain multitudes. The pulling together of the ideas and clinical material presented here has deepened my awareness of my dependence upon many resources, persons, and experiences. The new vistas would not have been possible were it not for the intellectual giants upon whose shoulders I stand, and the contributions of many able teachers, stimulating students, trusting couples, supportive friends, and family. To all of them, I want to express my appreciation and ask forgiveness for any unwise liberties I may have taken.
Many special friends gave me much encouragementsome I want to mention by name. Dr. Robert Elliott read early versions of the manuscript and provided loving confrontation when my ideas needed more clarity and accuracy. Dr. Pat Love first introduced my ideas into a graduate school program on marriage and family and provided valuable feedback. Reed and Carolyn Whittle read later drafts of the manuscript and gave valuable advice along the way. Judy McCall graciously consented to read and comment on the final manuscript and helpedwith the endorsements. Drs. Joan and Robert Thorne opened doors for me to the professional community when I moved to New York and provided emotional support for the whole project.
I also want to express my appreciation for the enthusiasm, support, and stimulation of the many therapists in Dallas and New York who studied at the Institute for Relationship Therapy and helped me test these ideas in their practice of marital therapy.
I am deeply indebted to the many couples who trusted me with their relationship and allowed me to use their stories for research and for the enrichment of this book. I learned most of what I know about couples from them.
I want also to thank Henry Holt and Company for their excitement about the ideas even before they saw a manuscript, and for waiting patiently for its completion long after it should have been due. I especially appreciate the patience and support of my editor at Holt, Channa Taub, who gently but firmly kept my feet to the fire, and my agent, Julian Bach, who shepherded me through the contract process and gave me valuable guidance in the world of publishing. Tamera Allred read several of the last drafts, and made many helpful suggestions. Sharon Morris provided excellent editing assistance. Finally, my thanks to Yvonne Singleton, my secretary, for her typing skills and patience when I wanted sections of the manuscript ready yesterday.
In the second edition in 2001, I included my appreciation to Barney Karpfinger, who had become my new agent. His support was invaluable for that edition and for all other books published before and after that revision. I am especially grateful for his continuing support for this third edition. Not only is he my agent; he is my friend. His friendship has enriched my life. And for more than two decades he has been a champion for the development of my career as a writer.
My appreciation also goes to the people at Henry Holt and Company who came up with the brilliant idea of publishing this twentieth anniversary edition and working so patiently with me on the revision. I am especially thankful for John Sterling, president and publisher; Sarah Knight, my editor; Claire McKinney, publicity director; Richard Rhorer, marketing director; and Maggie Richards, vp director of sales and marketing.
I continue to feel grateful to Norris Chumley for his excellent direction of the video series for public television and again to Jo Robinson, my writer, who helped with the second edition and answered the call once more for help with the third edition. Sanam Hoon, my assistant for many years, deserves thanks for helping in many capacities including many tedious details for this edition. I also want to thank Meghan Doherty, my personal assistant, for handling all the scheduling details and doing the nitty gritty work of the revised bibliography. Thanks also to Nancy Jones, the first executive director of the Institute for Imago Relationship Therapy, who stabilized Imago institutionally in its early days, and Rick Brown, who helped it grow and expand its services. My deep appreciation also goes to the Board of Imago Relationships International: Tim Atkinson, executive director, and Farrah Daniels and Linda Thompson of the staff, who have been unambivalent in their dedication to Imago and have shepherded its expansion internationally.
My indebtedness to Oprah Winfrey is unlimited. She first exposed Imago to millions of people in 1988, putting Getting the Love You Want on the New York Times bestseller list. Repeated invitations to be on her show have returned this book to the bestseller list eleven times, and she has rated my second appearance on her show in 1989 among her top twenty shows in her twenty years on television.
Finally, I am deeply indebted to all the couples who have read this book and passed it on to others, to other professionals andfriends who have recommended the book, and to all the Imago therapists, especially the Master Trainers and Faculty of the Institute who have helped to develop and deepen Imago Relationship Therapy and make it available in this country and around the world.
Most important, my deepest appreciation goes to my wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, who has been my partner in this enterprise. Without her support and intellectual contribution, this book and others would not have come into being and Imago Relationship Therapy would not have been born. I also want to thank my six children for their support and patience while the book was written and revised. I also appreciate the lessons I have learned from them over the years. They and Helen have helped me to live the ideas and become a more whole person. They, and I, were all excited for the completion of the second edition, and are now again thrilled that this third edition is done!
Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide
WITH HELEN LAKELLY HUNT
Giving the Love That Heals: A Guide for Parents
The Couples Companion: Meditations and Exercises for
Getting the Love You Want
The Parenting Companion: Meditations and Exercises for
Giving the Love That Heals
The Personal Companion: Meditations and Exercises for
Keeping the Love You Find
Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by
Letting Yourself Be Loved
Receiving Love Workbook: A Unique Twelve-Week Course
for Couples and Singles
Getting the Love You Want Workbook:
The New Couples Study Guide
Imago Relationship Therapy: Perspectives on Theory
BY HELEN LAKELLY HUNT
Faith and Feminism: A Holy Alliance
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D., and HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D., married in 1982 and became partners in life and work. They cocreated Imago Relationship Therapy and developed the concept of conscious partnership. Their partnership and collaboration has resulted in nine books on intimate relationships and parenting.
Harville is a Clinical Pastoral Counselor who is known internationally for his work with couples. A graduate of Mercer University in Macon, Georgia, in 1957, his alma mater awarded him an honorary doctorate of humane letters in 1989. He holds a bachelor of divinity from Union Theological Seminary in New York and a Ph.D. in psychology and religion from the School of Divinity at the University of Chicago. Dr. Hendrix is the recipient of several honors, including the Outstanding Pastoral Counselor of the Year Award (1995) from the American Baptist Churches, the 1995 Distinguished Contribution Award from the American Association of Pastoral Counselors, and, jointly with Helen, the Distinguished Contributors Award from the Association for Imago Relationship Therapy. He is a Diplomate in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors and has been a clinical member of the AmericanGroup Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association, and former board member of the Group Psychotherapy Foundation.
