Oseland - Dining With The Doctor: The Unauthorized Whovian Cookbook

Dining With The Doctor

The Unauthorized Whovian Cookbook

Chris-Rachael Oseland

Copyright 2012 Chris-Rachael Oseland

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or any information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the author. Exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

This book is unofficial and unauthorized. It is not authorized, approved, or licensed by the BBC, BBC America,, BBC Worldwide, BBC Wales, or any branch of the British Broadcasting Company. Doctor Who is a registered trademark of the British Broadcasting Company.

ISBN: 978-1481153683

First Edition

Table of Contents

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

HELLO, SWEETIE

Thanks for taking a chance on my labor of love. Ive spent the last year watching and rewatching the entire reboot of Doctor Who. Amazingly, I still love it. Since you bought this book, I know you do, too.

There are a few things you need to know before you turn another page.

SPOILERS!

This book includes a recipe for every episode of the reboot. I did my best to keep each recipe genuinely relevant to the episode, so yes, there are spoilers in every single recipe. Im not too worried about this since it's safe to assume anyone who owns this cookbook loves the show as much as I do. However, if youre a new fan, stop reading before you reach your latest episode. Youve been warned.

EPISODE NUMBERING

Youd be surprised how many different ways the episodes are numbered. The Christmas specials are sometimes thrown in with the previous series and sometimes treated as the first episode of a new series. Other places list them in a sort of seasonless limbo. The Series 4 David Tennant specials are just an incredible mess. In the end, I went with what I considered the clearest, most easily understood system I could find. Your mileage may vary.

AMERICAN VERSUS METRIC MEASUREMENTS

You can tell by the spelling and volumetric measurements that I am, in fact, an American. Ive done my best to convert all my recipes into their metric equivalents. Its only fair. You gave us Doctor Who. I practically owe you recipes you can make without keeping a calculator in the kitchen.

However, despite my best intentions, going back and forth between a measurement based on volume and one based on weight can be tricky. When in doubt, always fall back on the sad, non-standard, antiquated American measurements.

SPECIAL DIETS

Most of the Doctor Who themed recipes on the web are for startlingly gorgeous desserts. Unfortunately, that makes them off limits to people with Celiac disease (who cant eat wheat), people who are lactose intolerant (who can't have dairy), vegetarians (who can't eat meat) vegans (who cant eat any animal byproducts, including eggs or dairy) and paleo or low carb dieters (who cant eat grains.) Ive gone out of my way to make sure there are a few recipes everyone can eat. Check the appendix for help finding recipes which fit your needs. If youre on a special diet, by all means, feel free to modify any of my recipes to fit your need, then please post the changes online for everyone to share.

SERIES 1: LAST OF THE TIME LORDS

Nestene Consciousness (S1, E1 - Rose)

4 cups/950 ml cream
3 cups/710 ml red wine
2 cups/475 g sugar
2 lemons or limes
1 sprig rosemary

Hello, Doctor. Its been awhile. Youre looking very modern in your black t-shirt and leather jacket - and if you dont mind me saying so, kind of sexy with those high cheekbones and that sparkle in your eye. Youre trouble. I like it.

Youre back on Earth, more than a little scarred from the Time War, and very much needing some bright, optimistic human company again. You found that, but you also found a Nestene Consciousness. While bright and colorful, it wasnt so friendly.

My fellow fans, you too can stare into a suspicious vat of thick orange and red. Drinking this wont leave you possessed by an alien, though if you down the whole batch, you might start hearing voices.

Confidentially, this recipe is a modified syllabub - a fine historic mixed drink that also doubled as a dessert, because our ancestors knew how to party.

The texture of a fully frothed red wine syllabub bears a striking resemblance the Nestene Consciousness. Drink enough of them and youll also think you hear a menacing voice coming from your glass.

Start by mixing your wine, citrus and sugar until you have an undrinkable mess. Dont worry. Once they're well blended, youre going to dilute the dense concoction by pouring in heavy cream.

The Doctor no doubt wouldve witnessed an 18th century household servant spending hours with a whisk properly beating the cream into an edible froth. Today, the miracle of modern technology allows you to pour everything into a bowl and attack it with a hand mixer set to medium high. After a mere ten minutes your Nestene Consciousness should start to transform into a striking red whipped cream.

Once youve worked it up into a good, angry froth, layer the mix into tall glasses with a wide bulb on top, such as Guinness pint glasses or ice cream float glasses.

Let your alien lava drink sit in the fridge for about four hours while fluid separates out from the cream. You should end up with a dark, red-black liquid layer lurking beneath a cloudy red layer of sweet, fleshy foam. Serve it with a long, bendy straw and bad intentions.

The Last Human Fruit Leather (S1, E2 - The End of the World)

1 1/2 pounds/700 grams ripe pears
1/4 cup/60 ml water
2 tbsp/13 g sugar
2 tsp/30 ml fresh lemon juice
1/4 tsp/1 g ground cinnamon
pinch salt
gummy/candy brains
candy googly eyes and lips

The first time I rewatched this episode I wanted to make a glorious sculpted beef head with a broccoli crown that spiraled up to red bell pepper flowers. Then I remembered that would be a tremendous pain the ass without being the slightest bit recognizable to anyone who wasnt totally obsessed with beautiful women who die within 30 screen minutes of meeting The Doctor. Instead, I decided Cassandra should remain the star of this episode. Fruit leather is a lot easier to make, and once you throw some googly eyes on her, Cassandra is a lot more instantly recognizable.

Start off by heating your oven to 170F/80C. If your oven doesnt go that low, just make do with your lowest setting and occasionally let some heat escape by propping the door open a smidge. (You can also use a food dehydrator if you happen to have a slightly smelly two headed aunt who gives you random electronics.) While your oven is barely warming, peel, core, and dice your pears. Toss them in a saucepan. They look so lonely in there. Throw in the water, sugar, cinnamon and salt to keep them company. Bring the whole mess to a boil, all while stirring with a rubber spatula. Once its boiling, turn the heat down to a simmer and let the water break down the cellular walls of the pears for the next 20 minutes. Give the mix an occasional stir.

You should now have a nice pear paste. Scoop it all into a blender, add the lemon juice, and give it a good spin. It should take less than a minute for your pear lumps to turn into pear puree. Now spread a piece of waxed paper on a baking sheet. It may seem redundant, but go ahead and add a little nonstick spray. Trust me. Once your paper is well lubricated, pour a neat rectangle of pear blend about 1 inch/2.5 cm from the edge of the sheet then fill in the middle with the rest of the blenders contents. Use your rubber spatula to spread it all into a nice, thin, even layer.

Slide the baking sheet into the oven and wait for six to seven hours. Yes, really. Dehydration takes time. You can make this a couple days in advance, which is a good thing because theres nothing more boring than waiting for fruit leather to dehydrate. Paint dries faster. Well, watercolors do. Acrylics are dicey. Oil paints will take days. What Im really trying to say is that if you sit around waiting for your fruit leather to dehydrate youll have hours on your hand to come up with even worse analogies. Go enjoy life instead. When you come back from your exciting adventures in time, space, and comparative paint dehydration, you should have a nice sheet of not-quite-white-enough homemade fruit leather. You may look at the fruit leather and think it looks disturbingly like Cassandra spent some time in a tanning bed. Confidentially, if you want that milky white complexion, you can avoid the hassle of making fruit leather and just rip a slice of store bought mozzarella cheese in half. I wont tell. We both know youre going to read a lot of these recipes, skim for store bought cheater sections, and agree that youll make the complicated recipe when you have more time. Some day. Honest. Right now, though, its all about appearances. Dont worry. I wont judge. Just be warned that thin slices of cheese are notoriously difficult to keep on display without them ripping into a messy, confusing pile.