Barry J. Gibbons - If You Want to Make God Really Laugh Show Him Your Business Plan: 101 Universal Laws of Business
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If You Want to Make God Really Laugh Show Him Your Business Plan: 101 Universal Laws of Business
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All the unasked questions of the corporate world in one amusing and informative volume. From the top of the tree to the hierarchically challenged, readers will learn all that they need to remove the splinters suffered as they slide down the stair-rail of their company mission statements.
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If You Want to Make God Really Laugh, Show Him Your Business Plan : The 101 Universal Laws of Business
author
:
Gibbons, Barry J.
publisher
:
Capstone Publishing Ltd.
isbn10 | asin
:
1841120839
print isbn13
:
9781841120836
ebook isbn13
:
9780585176307
language
:
English
subject
Success in business, Strategic planning, Business planning, Industrial management.
publication date
:
1999
lcc
:
HF5386.G36 1999eb
ddc
:
658.4/012
subject
:
Success in business, Strategic planning, Business planning, Industrial management.
Page i
If You Want to Make God Really Laugh Show him your Business Plan
101 Universal Laws of Business
Barry J. Gibbons
CAPSTONE
Page ii
Copyright Barry Gibbons 1998, 1999
The right of Barry Gibbons to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
First Published 1998 Capstone Publishing Limited Oxford Centre for Innovation Mill Street Oxford OX2 0JX United Kingdom http://www.capstone.co.uk
Reprinted 1999
This paperback edition first published in 1999 by Capstone Publishing Ltd
All rights reserved. Except for the quotation of short passages for the purposes of criticism and review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 1-84112-083-9
Typeset in 11/15 New Baskerville by Sparks Computer Solutions, Oxford http://www.sparks.co.uk Printed and bound by TJ International Ltd, Padstow, Cornwall This book is printed on acid-free paper
Substantial discounts on bulk quantities of Capstone books are available for details telephone Capstone Publishing on (+44 1865 798623) or fax (+44 1865 240941)
Page iii
Dedication
For Judy (the wind beneath my things) and the boys (if you follow my path, just miss out the VERY highs and lows often one and the same and you'll be just fine).
For Caroline Carney, my agent, who fought through strong head winds to land this one. For Mark (Allin) and Richard (Burton), and the rest of the Capstone team, who insisted on taking this project far too lightly.
For Joe Parkinson and Allen Sheppard (now Lord Didgemere). For 17 of my years in big business, one or the other of these was the sun in my sky. Much of their influence is implicit in these pages. So sue me!
Page v
Would you please all be upstanding for the singing of capitalism's universal hymn: Summam Scrutemur.1 It is to be found on page 322 of your hymn books, and the melody will be Beethoven's Ode to Joy. Music will be provided by the IBM String Quartet.
Jesus, help me through next quarter, I need profits like a rock. If I don't make what I oughtta, Christ, I'll have to dump some stock. (Chorus)I have frozen all expenses, Air travel now is totally banned. Marketing costs are all past tenses, But earnings will come in as planned. We believe that we empower, And our people all are energized. But if you're not paid by the hour, Chances are you'll be downsized. (Chorus)I have frozen all expenses (etc.) ... The auditors have signed our books off, Our accounts are all complete and formal, Tomorrow, their senior partner ... er ... leaves, And we can all get back to normal. (Chorus)I have frozen all expenses ... Restructuring plans are now completed, To `better serve' our customers dear. So, although they'll be quite generously treated, 5000 employess will be leaving here. (Finale)I have frozen all expenses ...
Please be seated. Let us pray.
1 Let's look at the bottom line.
Page vii
Contents
Introduction
1
1 On `Tests' of Rightness (TOR)
13
2 On Motivational Theory
31
3 On Enlightened Capitalism (or Should That Be Enlightened Capitalists?)
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