Dianna Booher - Communicate with Confidence, Revised and Expanded Edition: How to Say it Right the First Time and Every Time

Copyright 2013 by Dianna Booher. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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ISBN: 978-0-071770-13-2

eISBN: 978-1-935124-55-9

This eBook is a revised edition of the McGraw-Hill book Communicate With Confidence: How to Say It Right the First Time and every Time, Revised and Expanded Edition by Dianna Booher, published in 2012.

For special discounts on bulk purchases or for workshops and speeches on topics covered in this book, please contact us at or call 1-800-342-6621.

Communicate With Confidence is a registered trademark of Booher Consultants, LLC.
SEER Format is a registered trademark of Booher Consultants, LLC.
Platinum Rule is a registered trademark of Anthony J. Alessandra.

Contents

Introduction

Communication Is a Life-or-Death Matter

Thats not an overstatement. In corporate offices, in courtrooms, in Congress, and in bedrooms and boardrooms around the world, miscommunication surfaces as an issuethe cause of economic crises, poor job performance, lost sales, lawsuits, broken relationships, or even death. More than any other skill, communication determines peoples success in sales meetings, marriage, or management.

Maybe thats the reason that Communicate with Confidence, our trademarked phrase, continues to crop up everywhere and create headaches for me. Let me explain. When the first edition of this book came out almost 18 years ago, my editor suggested the title.

My response was, Thats too... ordinary. It needs to be catchier and have a bigger benefit than just confidence. Most people think they already communicate well. The title needs shock value. With that title, itll never sell.

My editor promised to take my concerns back to the publishing committee.

She called a week later to say, The committee doesnt agree. Im afraid thats going to be the title.

Itll never sell, then. I hung up the phone, disappointed.

Fortunately, I was wrong. (Hey, I never claimed to be a positive thinker at that point in my life.) Sales took off. Book club sales. Foreign sales. Media coverage galore. We developed our interpersonal skills training course to match and trademarked the title for that purpose. For the past 18 years, my trademarked phrase has popped up repeatedlyon other peoples e-books, courses, columns, speeches, and websites. Thanks to Google Alerts and a good intellectual property attorney, weve discovered that people do want to communicate with confidence.

Whether because its a great title, a great benefit, or a great big gap in the workforce or at home, communication heads the list of reasons for people to do thingsreasons that people join an organization, leave an organization, love their boss, hate their boss, find their soul mate, divorce their soul mate, win an election, or lose an election. In survey after survey, from senior executives reminiscing about their career success to recruiters hiring college graduates, communication always tops the list of skills needed for success. Whether it is a valid or invalid measure, the lack of communication skills tags people as being less competent, less attractive, and less qualified as leaders.

Where communication is concerned, some people think theyve got it made because they have an extroverted personality. But thats not necessarily the case. An outgoing, life-of-the-party personality doesnt necessarily equate to sensitivity to others, which is the core of goodwill. Both introverts and extroverts need specific skills.

Thats not to say, of course, that either personality type doesnt know how to communicate. We all communicate up to a pointup to the point where our habits set in. Until someone makes an insensitive remark. Until someone asks us for our advice and then argues against it. Until we feel that our ideas are routinely being ignored in meetings. Until were tongue-tied when we have to deal with a group of complainers. Until we feel defensive about how were handling a current project. Until we fail to persuade our team or our customer to take action. Until a friend tells us that we need to learn to negotiate rather than dictate. Until someone wont accept no for an answer. Until we get a flaming e-mail. Until a trusted friend deletes us on Facebook. Until a spouse wants out of the marriage.

When you find yourself in any of these situations, you may feel the need to change the way youre communicatingto increase your skill with a specific technique that jump-starts you and gets you past a limiting habit and on to progress. You want to stop hoping that you get through to the other person and ensure that you do.

Thats the why of this book.

Whats in It for You?

Ask lawyers, engineers, or system analysts which creates the most frustration and failurethe technical part of their job or dealing with people? Theyll agree on the latter. Samson of biblical fame killed 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Similar destruction occurs on a daily basis with the same weapon.

Consider these benefits of communicating well. Youll

Get the correct information more quickly.

Build credibility with customers and colleagues.

Develop more intimate relationships.

Build loyalty in a supportive climate.

Unleash the creativity within yourself and others by building on each others ideas.

Improve your teamwork.

Facilitate problem solving.

Build consensus for decisions.

Motivate others to work more effectively.

Lead and participate in more effective meetings.

Save time and energy, reduce rework, and increase productivity through clear instructions and discussions.

Avoid needless arguments.

Reduce hurt feelingsyours and those of others.

Overcome paralyzing anger, fear, or shyness.

Give constructive feedback and coaching.

Respond to feedback and criticism appropriately.

Solicit helpful advice when its not readily forthcoming.

Negotiate for what you want without diminishing the other person.

Win more cooperation when others response is voluntary.

Stand firm in your opinions without giving offense.

Give and accept appropriate praise and compliments.

Manage your own conflicts without escalating them.

Mediate others conflicts without getting burned yourself.

Exercise more power over decisions that affect you.

Influence and motivate others without strong-arm tactics.

Find ways to work around difficult personalities.

Generate enthusiasm for your ideas and proposals.

Receive more invitations to accept leadership rolesboth formally and informally.

Receive more invitations to speak publicly to influence others.

Increase your own and others job satisfaction.

Pick other peoples brains profitably: for ideas, experiences, habits, attitudes, and hard-core facts.

Broaden your network of friends.

Build your self-esteem and confidence by learning to be assertive.

Defend your rights without manipulating or offending others.

Handle insults, sarcasm, or other verbal assaults with style.

Reduce your fear of vulnerability and decrease feelings of loneliness.

Listen better so that others feel understood and valued.

Generate meaningful or entertaining conversations.

Reduce cross-gender misunderstandings and conflicts resulting from style differences.

Understand the meanings and intentions of those of other cultures.