Jonkman - Introvert The Friendly Takeover

The opening gala was an orgy ofself-promotion. The place was swarming with young fashionistas in stripysweaters, thick-rimmed glasses and fedoras. Middle-aged media types with brightred indoor tans, who were dressed to look twenty years younger than they reallywere, rubbed up against cheek kissing, ros sipping, careerists. The hip factorwas off the charts. Somebody skateboarded through the room. Waitresses instilettos zipped around among all the five-day stubbles and ironic T-shirts,handing out free drinks. Wherever I looked, people were trying to make newconnections. Young entrepreneurs were on the hunt for eye contact and businesscards. Established businesses were vying for my attention, eager to tell meabout their service offerings. The moment I so much as looked at somebody, theywould approach me and begin a conversation. Wherever I turned, I saw people infull-blown networking mode. My collar felt tight. I felt like a thousand eyeswere judging my every move. This busy place had no nooks and crannies, justbright polished epoxy flooring. After an hour of this, my shirt was soakedthrough with sweat, and I smelled like ammonia. I felt like Id just run amarathon.

When I emerged into the cool air of thislate summer evening, a deep sigh of relief passed through me. I could breatheagain. My reaction surprised me, as did the relief I felt. That evening, Imulled over my behavior. Before sleep overcame me, I realized the undeniablefact I had been struggling to keep from myself: Im an introvert.

Is this the new lactose intolerant? asarcastic friend asked when I told him of my discovery. First, I laughed. Butmy laughter soon rang false, when I realized that there actually were a numberof similarities.

The word introvert has made its wayonto more and more headlines of late. Its often used to describe people whoare withdrawn, reticent, and absent-minded.

The problem with lactose intolerance wasthat hardly anybody looked for signs that they suffered from it before itbecame widely publicized. Everybody in the West was convinced that milk wasgreat for you. It made kids grow up strong, and was full of nutrients. Suddenly,lactose intolerance was the latest buzzword, and everybody started trying tofigure out if they were among the millions of people who turned out to beafflicted. Right now, I think the introversion trend has a lot in common withthat phenomenon. Were not looking for signs that were introverts, for thesimple reason that were convinced that were extraverts, i.e., outgoing,because that happens to be the norm in our society.

But its wrongto call it a buzzword. The concept of introversion is one of the oldest termsin psychology, coined almost a century ago by Carl Jung. Its been referred toas the Mother of all Personality Traits, and is thought to be a dominantaspect of the behavior of all placental mammals.

Heresa question for you to consider:

Would you rather:

A spend every moment alone for two whole weeks, or

B have people you know around you everymoment for two whole weeks?

If your response is A, yourelikely to be more of an introvert (i.e., predominantly reflective and withdrawn).If your response is B, youre probably an extravert (i.e., sociable andoutgoing). If you cant make up your mind, perhaps youre an ambivert (i.e., alittle bit of both). These personality traits entail a number of amazingtalents that were unknown to us until quite recently.

Hi, my name is Linus, and Im anintrovert. Some of the most meaningful events in my life never even happened.The most valuable things in my life are the ones that happen inside my ownskull. My imagination, various stories, and the things Im thinking about aresources of refuge for me in this age of self-promotion, constant networking andgroup assignments. We live in a time when books, as well as all other things,are judged by their covers more often than not.

Outgoing people attract attention tothemselves through their own social energy. They make sure to be heard andseen. When somebody confidently describes himself as outgoing in a jobinterview, its taken as a positive. We assume that the term somehow entailssocial competence, even though it really doesnt. Being outgoing simply meansthat you have a social need, which is something else entirely. There areoutgoing people who are incapable of leaving any room for others to speakduring meetings, and who go on and on about their own interests without payingany attention to anybody else. At the same time, some people who are quitewithdrawn are excellent listeners, and very good at relating to other people.Social competence isnt the exclusive domain of one or the other side of thisspectrum.

Introverts and extraverts operate ondifferent levels: extraverts rule the bar, and introverts rule the mind.

Where does all the new terminologythat keeps appearing in the media week after week come from? Introversion seemsto be a big deal right now. HSP is a fairly popular term as well. It mightsound like some kind of brake system, but HSP is actually an acronym for HighlySensitive Person, and the personality type it refers to has begun to bediscussed in the news. Another common term is Millennials, which denotesa group of people who were born in the 1980s and 1990s. We seem to like togeneralize and categorize people. Is this always a bad thing, or can itactually be helpful?

Im privileged enough to have a very variedbunch of people in my life, whose personalities range across the entire scale.This helps me understand and relate to both extraversion and introversion. Thecontent of this book mainly focuses on people like myself, i.e., introverts.Theres not much point in writing a book for extraverts, seeing as theyre alltoo busy kitesurfing, doing Zumba, and sipping lattes to read books. A versionfor extraverts would probably have to be a picture book. I hope to be able toencourage others to come out of their extraverted closets. I think there are alot of people who are introverts deep down, but simply dont believe or admitthat they are, even to themselves.

The introverted personality is thought toaccount for just over a quarter of the global population. Were a minority inthe regular population, but a majority in the gifted population. I realize thatthis statement might ruffle some feathers. Ill explain what I mean in greaterdetail later on in this book.

One of my closest friends surprised me theother day. After reading an article about the introverted personality, he toldme that he felt like hed finally found his way home. You might be surprised tolearn that hes an experienced musician, who has toured the world and met fansin the thousands. Hes used to being the center of attention in a large crowd.

Linus, I have to confess to something. Ivealways felt like there was something wrong with me. Sometimes, at releaseparties, Ive hidden in the bathroom, because I felt exhausted and overwhelmedby it all. Then, I read that article, and I realized that Im not crazy, Im anintrovert.

When I was doing my research for thisbook, I noticed how terribly misunderstood the whole concept of introversionseems to be. The word extravert is commonly used in want ads, whileintrovert seems to have been reserved for articles about charming types likeJeffrey Dahmer. Fortunately, after these last few years of publicity, this hasbegun to change. One of the signs Ive seen of this change was a rsum thatlanded on my desk the other week. In it, the applicant had described himself asan Introvert (even before it was trendy)