Juan - Stuff every groom should know

Copyright 2015 by Quirk Productions, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2014947244

ISBN: 978-1-59474-797-7
eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-798-4

Production management by John J. McGurk

Quirk Books
215 Church Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
quirkbooks.com

v3.1

To my wife, Natalie, who had an easier time stifling her laughter the second time around

Somehow, its happened. You found someone who can tolerate your idiosyncrasies. Someone who laughs with you, not at you usually. Someone who, inexplicably, has found it in her heart to love you.

Yeah, shes probably just as surprised about it as you are.

But for now shes still caught up in whatever delusion has taken hold of her, so youre going to do the smart thing. Youre going to marry her before she comes to her senses.

Youre making the right choice. Shes a keeper. She puts up with you, after all.

Youre also making the right choice reading this book. Any woman worth marrying is worth marrying well. Shes already given you so much, and youre about to spend the rest of your lives together. So were here for one reason and one reason only: to help ensure that everything from proposal to honeymoon goes as smoothly as possible.

And make no mistake, the advice in this book does not apply only to male/female marriages. For the sake of convenience weve stuck with those pronouns, but we suspect youll find plenty of helpful advice here no matter the mix of your marriage.

Being engaged is a (usually) short but intense period full of important decisions and relationship-building moments. People are going to treat you differently. Theyll have all manner of wisdom, both good and bad, to shareincluding this book. As for you, well, this is the first step in changing your entire life, isnt it? So best to get it right.

But dont worry, Groom-to-Be. Read. Observe. Learn. And when people ask, Do you really think youre ready for all this? repeat after me: I do.

Youve found the perfect mate, now its time to find the perfect ring. That little band is more than a sinkhole for a chunk of your salaryits a symbol of your love. Here are some tips for making your quest a success.

Set a budget. Before you start, figure out what youre willing and able to spend. As of 2013, the average engagement ring cost about $6,000. If you can afford that much, great. But its easy to find a suitable ring for much less on the retail market or even in the resale or handmade marketplace (see Other Points to Consider, ). Tell the jeweler your ideal range to help narrow your choices and avoid the its perfect but it costs too much blues.

There is no right amount. The diamond and wedding industry will say that you must spend two months salary on a ringnonsense. Pick the right ring for your future wife, not one based on an arbitrary number. And yes, prices are negotiable. Dont be afraid to haggle.

Know the Four Cs. Carat, color, clarity, and cut are the four factors that determine a jewels quality. Clarity is how clear a stone is, color is its shade, cut is a stones proportions and brilliance, and carat is its size and weight. You may have to sacrific one C in favor of the others in order to fit your wallet.

Understand her style. If your bride-to-be wears understated white gold, then a huge rock on a yellow band is probably wrong. If she likes her jewelry flashy, a subdued ring will likely disappoint. Try to match your choice with what she already wears and, clearly, prefers.

Stalk her social media channels. See those rings shes pinning to her Pinterest board? Theyre aimed at you, dummy.

Know her ring size. Obviously, asking will spoil the surprise, so try to peek in her jewelry box. Failing that, buy larger rather than smaller. Its easier to size down than up.

Keep calm and move on. Dont settle for a ring if you think the ring is still out there. Keep hunting and pony up your heard-earned money only when you know shell be happy with what youve bought.

Other Points to Consider

It doesnt have to be a diamond or even have a gemstone at all. The idea of diamonds as the be-all-end-all engagement ring rock is a decades-old marketing ploy. (Not to mention that the diamond industry is invovled with some ugly politics, which your future spouse may not wish to support.) Modern synthetic stones are a great alternativejust make sure she knows its not real. Other types of gems can make a bold statement (think Princess Diana and the Duchess of Cambridge with that iconic sapphire). Find out whether a particular gemstone has special meaning for her and create a ring with that as the centerpiece. Also popular are complex geometric designs in which the manipulation of the metal is the showstopper.

Go handmade or antique. Many couples are opting for handmade engagement rings and bands. These one-of-a-kind works of art can be purchased from a local craftsperson or just as easily on the Web; visit the online marketplace Etsy and search for rings in their Weddings section. For a unique vintage look, shop antiques shops and estate sales. Just be sure your bride-to-be is okay with a used ring.

To heirloom or not. The choice to pass down an heirloom can be deeply personal and establish a closer connection between your fiance and your family. Honoring this tradition is truly special, but dont feel obligated. If you suspect she wont like the family ring, placing the stones in a new setting or on a new band can strike a balance.

Each couple has a few moments that you will remember for the rest of your married lives: The birth of your first child. Your purchase of a family home. That time you totally nailed the karaoke chorus of Rollin in the Deep. And, of course, the moment you proposed. So dont blow it!

Before you do it, consider these points:

Make it personal. Time, place, and setting all matter. Choose something tied to your relationship, like the site of your first date or your favorite outdoor location. The moment will be that much more memorable. Also, time it so that you have a little breathing room before and after; the day of a big trip, event, or work obligation is probably not the wisest choice.

Keep it private. Public proposals seem like a cute idea and make great YouTube videos, but unless (1) youre sure shell say yes and (2) the place has special meaning to the two of you, all a public proposal does is put her on the spot and make you look like an attention grabber. Remember, a proposal is not a stunt.

Consider asking her parents permission. Bucking tradition is fine, but some consider traditions like this one to be an important gesture of respect. If your fiance and her family fall into this category, ask for her parents blessing. Theyll love you for it.

Think of hiring a secret photographer.