Martha Beck - Diana, Herself: An Allegory of Awakening

DIANA, HERSELF

ALSO BY MARTHA BECK

Expecting Adam:
A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic

Leaving the Saints:
How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith

Breaking Point:
Why Women Fall Apart and How They Can Re-Create Their Lives

Finding Your Own North Star:
Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live

The Joy Diet:
10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life

Steering by Starlight:
The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny

The Four-Day Win:
End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World:
Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want

The Martha Beck Collection:
Essays for Creating Your Right Life

Published by Cynosure Publishing, Arroyo Grande, California
Copyright 2016 Martha Beck
All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to Permissions Department, .

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

ISBN: 978-1-944264-01-7

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016934549
Printed in the U.S.A.

Jacket, cover and book design: Laura Shaw Design, www.lshawdesign.com
Front cover painting Martha Beck
Back cover art Elizabeth Beck
Front cover art photo: Allyson Magda, www.allysonmagda.com
Author photo: Phyllis Lane, www.phyllislane.com

Across The Universe

Words and Music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney Copyright (c) 1968, 1970 Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Copyright Renewed
All Rights Administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 424 Church Street, Suite 1200, Nashville, TN 37219 International Copyright Secured All Rights Reserved

Reprinted by Permission of Hal Leonard Corporation

DEDICATION

To every member of my magical ohana, wherever you are.
All for all, always.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I had more fun writing this book than Ive ever had writing anything, mainly because I strong-armed so many people into helping me. Gratitude is a feeble word to describe what I feel for these people, and all the others whove given me inspiration and encouragement to be as strange as I really am.

First, my brilliant and generous collaborator, Kat Forster. You may think theres some nepotism involved in our working relationship, since she happens to be my daughter, but you would be wrong. Ive simply never met such a gifted story surgeon. Kat can cut through anything that doesnt work with a delicate but unflinching scalpel, then stitch together whats left and breathe life into it. All the bad ideas in this book are mine; most of the good ones are hers. Thanks, too, to her husband, Scott, whose quiet intelligence and gentle precision buffed off so many rough edges.

And while were at it, thanks to the far-seeing imagination and impeccable artistry of Elizabeth BeckLizzy, Elly, Liz, however you know herwho finds unfamiliar worlds in everyone and everything. Then theres the pure magic of Adam Beck, who sees the forest animals with his deep eyes and reminds me that the foxes love to hunt. That these three people survived the childhood I gave them to become such fabulous adults is the greatest miracle of my life.

A major part of that miracle was performed by Karen Gerdes, my better half, whose constant nurturing presence has healed the wildness in so many peoplebut I got to keep her! (As one of my dear friends puts it, Get your own damn Karen!) Her presence in my life astounds me every day. Its enough to make me a believer in the benevolence of the universe.

My ranch family, who are wild enough to live with me as a kind of gutsy sociological experiment, are all heroes in my eyes. Koelle Simpson, Travis Stock, and Katja Elk have supported and encouraged me every day since I ran away to the woods. Through good times and T-Rex emergencies, youve become as much a part of me as my own heart. This book wouldnt exist without all of you, and I probably wouldnt be here either.

Of course, many members of my ranch family live off-property. Matthew Dowd, a soul-brother who is much more magical than he lets on, steered me toward the place my heart wanted to live, and ultimately catalyzed the writing of this book. Bridgette Boudreau, comrade and co-adventurer, read every draft of every chapter, reshaped my schedule so that I had time to write, and would have taken up a life in avocado farming to get me where I needed to go. For years shes kept my company and my life running more and more joyfully, and her wise, wry, loving presence in my life is a gift beyond reckoning. The same may be said for the whole fellowship of coaches at MBI, especially Abigail Steidley, Jessica Steward, Jennifer Voss, Sandra Trca-Black, Kris McGuffie, Deb Droz, Jen Falci, and my former assistant Jessica Reisenbeck.

Maria and Timothy Shriver have both spent long hours talking with me about the possibility of healing individual souls, humans in general, and the Earth. I love them like siblings, and am so grateful for the huge and beautiful scope of their will to do good in the world.

I owe my career as a writer to the generosity, kindness, and endless energy of Betsy Rapoport, my first editor and adored friend. Her keen intelligence, hilarious wit, and magical mama-bear valor truly make her my Besty, and her editing has made this a much, much better book.

Susan Casey, the astonishingly multitalented former editor in chief at O, The Oprah Magazine, has supported my writing for many years, in more ways than I can list here. Shes been a champion, an advisor, a visionary, a cheerleader, and a brilliant example of a wordsmith who can churn out superb writing in the midst of every distraction imaginable. (I know Im using the word brilliant a lot. But these people all happen to be brilliant, so well just have to live with it.) I have endless gratitude and admiration for Susan. The same to Rennio Maifredi, who read an execrable early version of the book and cheered me on with boundless love and enthusiasm nevertheless.

My African familyDave, Shan, Bronwyn and Boyd Varty, Richard Laburn, Kate, Mo and Maya Grochmade me hope that the planet Earth (and the human race) were salvageable at a time when Id pretty much given up. Their love, their incredible devotion to healing people and places, their humor, their magic, and their general brillianceyes, I said it againare an inextricable part of me and this book. They gave me the invitation to seek solace in nature, something I thought Id left behind with childhood. As long as people like them are on Earth, theres hope for us all.

They say there are friends of time and friends of like mind, and a very few who are both. Annette Rogers and Lydia Nibley are friends of time and like mind who offered their extraordinary intellectual and literary gifts, reading drafts of this book and giving me cogent feedback. So much love and thanks to them.