Martha Beck - The Way of integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self

Diana, Herself: An Allegory of Awakening

Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Live the Life You Want

Steering by Starlight: Find Your Right Life No Matter What!

Expecting Adam: A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic

Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith

The Four-Day Win: End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace

The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life

The Martha Beck Collection, Volume 1: Essays for Creating Your Right Life

Even if youre not a frequent flier, this has probably happened to you. The plane is fully boarded. Everyones laptops are stowed. The flight attendants have done their mandatory dance about the seat belts and the floor lights and the oxygen masks that will not inflate. Then, just as you expect to roll away from the gate, everything stops. The captains sheepish voice crackles through the cabin. Sorry, folks, we have a slight malfunctionprobably just a glitch, but we need to call some mechanics to check. Were looking at a bit of a wait.

A ripple of woe runs through the passengers. Your heart sinks. How long will you be trapped in this uncomfortable seat, between a man who reeks of cheap cologne and a fretfully teething baby, before the plane finally flies? But after this initial burst of dismay, everyone heaves a sigh and settles in. You all approve of the crews caution. Youre about to travel five miles above Earths surface in this mighty machine. No one, not even the baby, wants the plane taking off if its not in perfect structural integrity.

This book, as you may have gleaned from the title, is all about integrity. But I dont mean this in a moralizing sense. The word integrity has taken on a slightly prim, judgmental nuance in modern English, but the word comes from the Latin integer, which simply means intact. To be in integrity is to be one thing, whole and undivided. When a plane is in integrity, all its millions of parts work together smoothly and cooperatively. If it loses integrity, it may stall, falter, or crash. Theres no judgment here. Just physics.

As above in aerodynamics, so below in our everyday lives. When you experience unity of intention, fascination, and purpose, you live like a bloodhound on a scent, joyfully doing what feels truest in each moment. Your daily work, whether its writing computer code, gardening, or building houses, is so absorbing that at the end of the day you dont really want to stop. But when you do, you enjoy hanging out with loved ones so much, and sleep is so delicious you cant imagine anything sweeter. And when you wake up the next morning, the day ahead seems so enticing you practically bound out of bed.

If youre like many people Ive coached, you may be rolling your eyes right now. It may sound like Im wearing rose-colored glasses and munching antidepressants like jelly beans. You may never have felt the kind of sustained joie de vivre Im describing. You might not believe that such a fulfilling life is possible.

It is.

Tragically, many people go their whole lives without ever learning this, never experiencing the joyful ease that comes with full integrity. Some of these folks are massively misaligned, their lives an endless string of failures and crushed dreams. You may know a few: the friend from high school who keeps landing himself in prison, the cousin who marries one unfaithful scumbag after another, the colleague who seems to sabotage every project she undertakes. These folks are like airplanes whose major components, like wings and engines, are out of whack.

Your own life is probably somewhere between utterly blissful and completely wrecked. You have a vague sense of purpose, which you hope to follow someday. Though your job isnt perfect, its good enough. And your relationships are fine. Mostly. Yes, there are times when someoneyour spouse, your kids, your parents, your bossmakes you want to fake your own death and move to a hotel in the Cayman Islands. But honestly, its fine. You dont feel bad, just vaguely anxious, uncomfortable, and disappointed. And its perfectly normal that your mind tends to linger on regrets about plans that didnt work out and doubts that your dreams will ever come true.

When I meet clients who fit this description and suggest that their lives could be better, they often protest that theyre doing fine, just fine. Look, they say: Life is a bitch and then we die. Failure is much more common than success. We cant just flap our arms and fly.