Dan Zevin - Little Miss Basic: A Parody
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Meet her other friends from the Little Miss and Mr. ME ME ME series: Mr. Selfie, Little Miss Overshare, and Mr. Humblebrag!
From the Trade Paperback edition.
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Copyright 2015 by Dan Zevin
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.
www.crownpublishing.com
THREE RIVERS PRESS and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN9781101904442
eBook ISBN9781101904565
Illustrations by Dylan Klymenko
Cover design by Dylan Klymenko
First Edition
v4.1
a
Little Miss Basic lived in a basic McMansion with her basic mommy, Mrs. MILF; her basic daddy, Dr. Midlife Crisis; and her basic hypoallergenic, nonshedding Labradoodle, Beyonc.
One day, she got dumped by her boyfriend, Mr. Douchebag.
She was so super depressed she, like, literally beat herself up over it.
Then she cried all night into her big Coach purse.
Worst. Day. Evs.
The next morning, Little Miss Basic reached out to her bestie, Little Miss Baysic.
He said Im not his type, Little Miss Basic confided to Little Miss Baysic.
OMG, youre not any type, Miss Baysic reassured Miss Basic. You are exactly the same as everyone else!
Well, that was totes the sweetest compliment literally anyone in history could have given her.
She was speechless!
It was her first time ever.
Miss Basic searched and searched for just the right words to express her profound gratitude to Miss Baysic.
:), she declared.
And then they met at Starbucks for pumpkin spice lattes.
One day, Little Miss Basics Instagram status said: UGH.
Can you guess what photo she posted?
Her UGGS!
And can I just say?
They were literally?
A million years old?
Because Little Miss Basic?
Wore them literally?
24/7?
She wore them for mannies and peddies.
She wore them for SoulCycle, rebounding, and Pilates.
She wore them with her black North Face jacket, her black Lululemons, and her black Kate Spade spectacles.
She even wore them for premarital relations with Mr. Douchebag!
One sunshiney Sunday, Little Miss Basic drove her Jetta to the big city for brunch.
She was so super excited, she literally texted everyone in the world until she got there.
It would be her very first meal since she started her juice cleanse!
Before brunch, she decided to binge on fro-yo.
Outside, she spotted a man relaxing on the sidewalk.
He is doing Savasana pose, Miss Basic observed.
But, ew! His yoga mat is ratchet!
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