Maci Bookout - I Wasn’t Born Bulletproof: Lessons I’ve Learned (So You Don’t Have To)

A POST HILL PRESS BOOK

I Wasnt Born Bulletproof:

Lessons Ive Learned (So You Dont Have To)

2017 by Maci Bookout

All Rights Reserved

ISBN: 978-1-68261-323-8

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-68261-324-5

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.

Cover Photography by Tyler Andrews, tylerandrews.com

Interior Design and Composition, Greg Johnson/Textbook Perfect

Post Hill Press

New York Nashville

posthillpress.com

Published in the United States of America

Chapter 6

MOTHER

[muhth-er] noun

1. One person who does the work of twenty (for free).

2. The most underappreciated person on the planet.

(See also: hero, badass, saint )

W hether you have one child, ten, or none at all, weve all been guilty of it at one time or another: Mom shaming. If you have ever recoiled at the sight of a mother in the supermarket picking up her crying childs dropped binky and cleaning it in her own mouth, shot an impatient look at a frazzled mom in a restaurant whose toddler just will not sit quietly and behave, or felt superior listening to a mommy friends bedtime struggles because you would never have let your baby sleep in your bed that long, you are passing judgment when you should be sending vibes of respect and solidarity!

Being a young mother, I have been experiencing mom shaming pretty much since the day Bentley was born; and the fact that I am on television means that everything I do is open to public scrutiny. I have learned not to let it get me down, but it never ceases to amaze me how quick people are to pass judgment. Ill give you an example. Not so long ago Taylor posted a photo on Instagram that opened me up to all kinds of criticism. In the photo, Im lying on the couch, holding my daughter, Jayde, who was about three months old at the time. She was swaddled in her blanket and sleeping, well, like a baby. We were doing our fantasy football draft and I was holding a bottle of beer. Taylor innocently posted the photo with the tag, #draftday.

Bonnie all snuggled up with Maverick for their midmorning nap.

The reaction that followed was intense. People accused me of being a horrible, negligent mother; of drinking too much; of putting my newborn in mortal danger. Its one beer, folks. I am an adult, over the legal drinking age, and just because Im a mom that doesnt mean I cant enjoy a beer on a Sunday evening with my husband. Ive also had similar reactions to pictures Ive posted of my kids with our dogs (two boxers, Bonnie and Clyde, who definitely live up to their names). People will comment that they cant believe I would let my kids near such a vicious breed of dog. I dont know if theyre confusing boxers with pit bulls, but either way they are passing judgment on a situation they know nothing about.

At 40 lbs., Bonnie is petite for a boxer. Clyde, on the other hand, weighs in at 105 lbs. pounds and is taller than me when he stands up on his hind legs. But he has no idea hes the bigger of the two, and when they lie on the couch together he just wraps himself around Bonnie and snuggles. We adopted both of them from a shelter that rescues abused boxers, and they are the gentlest, sweetest family dogs you could ever hope for. Jayde especially loves Bonnie and Clyde. Whenever shes in her highchair eating, she will take a bite of her food ( one for Jayde ) and then feed a piece to Bonnie (one for Bonnie ), and then feed a piece to Clyde ( one for Clyde and so on, you get the picture). If you know my dogs, you would know how ridiculous the idea of them attacking my children is. But thats the problem with passing judgment; its usually based on ignorance and presumption rather than actual facts.

Top: Jayde and I napping with my fur babies, Bonnie and Clyde. Bottom: Bentley and Bonnie.

LIFE LESSONS

According to a survey of 227 moms conducted in October 2016 by the mobile app mom.life, 80% of moms (thats 4 out of every 5 moms) have been victims of mom shaming:

67% of those who had been shamed were shamed by other moms ;

64% of those who had been shamed were shamed for their feeding choice ;

4 in 10 moms have been shamed online, and 1 in 3 moms have been shamed via phone or text ;

But less than 0.5 percent of moms changed their behaviors because of mom shaming.

Source: Huffingtonpost.com

Social media only magnifies the problem. I hear stories all the time from friends who post happy pics of a day out with their kids only to find themselves on the receiving end of angry mom shaming comments. A friend of mine, who is in the public eye because her husband is a professional athlete, posted a pic of her son watching the popcorn in the microwave. She got crazy comments that she was going to fry her sons brain from standing too close to the microwave. Another friend of mine posted a pic of her son wearing a T-shirt with the graphic ALL boy and people wrote to her that the shirt was sexist. Its not clear if they felt he should be wearing a T shirt that said ALL girl, but what is clear is that opinions are like assholes, everyones got one and most of them are full of shit.

Why do people feel they have the right to criticize a parent about their own children without having any facts?... Those who criticize, think twice about what you say about other peoples children because actually you have no right to criticize me as a parent.

D AVID B ECKHAM

To all those who pass judgment on other moms I say, mind your own effing beeswax!! Newsflash: Mothers Are Human Beings . We are flawed, hard-working, well-intentioned, exhausted individuals; we do our best, we make mistakes, but above all we love our children. While obviously I dont condone excessive drinking, having a beeror even smoking the occasional cigarettedoes not warrant a call to Child Services, and it does not make you a bad mother.

Momma Dont Preach

For the longest time I was the only one among my friends who had a child, and because I was the only mom around I thought it was my job to mother everyone around me. But theres a fine line between offering friendly advice and sticking your nose where it doesnt belong. I have often been guilty of thinking my way is the right way, and then enthusiastically spreading my gospel to my friends.

When Bentley was a baby I didnt have mommy friends, so when my good friend Katie and I got pregnant at the same time I was thrilled. It wasnt planned, but our daughters, Jayde and Ava, were born five days apart. Without really realizing why, I immediately found myself trying to correct Katie if I felt she was doing something the wrong way. I offered all kinds of advice, even though she never asked for it. I guess I had decided that it was my job to take over and offer her all of the wisdom of my experience.