Beverly Enge - It Wasn’t Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion

Beverly Engel, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over thirty years of experience working primarily with survivors of childhood and adult abuse. She is considered one of the worlds leading experts on emotional abuse recovery and is author of twenty nonfiction books on the subjects of emotional and sexual abuse recovery, relationship issues, and female empowerment. Her books include The Emotionally Abused Woman, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, and Healing Your Emotional Self. She has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah and Starting Over, has appeared on CNN, and was nominated for the Books for a Better Life Award for her powerful book, The Power of Apology.

With uncommon clarity and kindness, the author speaks directly to the invisible heart of childhood abuseshame. Readers will recognize the authentic voice of a former victim as she gently guides them on the healing path to self-compassion. It is an artful distillation of self-compassion theory, research, and practice for those who have suffered long enough. I cant recommend it highly enough.

Christopher Germer, PhD, clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School and author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

This book provides an in-depth understanding of the many ways shame sustains the harm of past abuse, and outlines a powerful program for using self-compassion to free yourself from these bonds. Read it and heal.

Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion

In this beautifully written book, Beverley Engel offers us a scholarly, yet easily-accessible understanding of the nature of shame and the harm that it does us. She also articulates very clearly how compassion is one of the most important antidotes for shame. After all, its easy to be compassionate toward people we likebut real compassion is for when things get tough. No one can read this book without coming away with considerable insights into the problematic ways we often treat ourselves and the value of developing compassionnot just as an easy option, but as a courageous way to deal with our inner struggles. I cant recommend this book highly enough; it is well-researched, highly informative, and helpful. A real gift to those struggling with the inner conflicts of self-doubt and criticism.

Paul Gilbert, PhD, author of The Compassionate Mind

What a wonderful book! Beverly Engel has a deep understanding of how abuse and neglect affect children. Once again, she has written a much-needed, breakthrough book for those recovering from abuse. This time, she presents a profoundly powerful program to help survivors overcome one of the most devastating effects of abusedebilitating shame. In it she teaches survivors how to practice self-compassionan amazing healing tool. I highly recommend this book to anyone who was abused or neglected in childhood or adulthood.

Susan Forward, PhD, author of Toxic Parents and Mothers Who Cant Love

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2015 by Beverly Engel

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

http://www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup

Acquired by Melissa Kirk

Edited by Clancy Drake

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

I dedicate this book to all my clients, past and present, who inspire me, inform me, and heal me. Your strength, courage, and determination are awe-inspiring.