Yu Hua - To Live

Table of Contents

TO LIVE

When I was ten years younger than I am now, I had the carefreejob of going to the countryside to collect popular folk songs. Thatyear, for the entire summer, I was like a sparrow soaring recklessly. I would wander amid the village houses and the open country, which was full of cicadas and flooded with sunlight. I had aspecial affection for that bitter tea that farmers brew. Therewould always be a bucket of just that kind of tea under a tree bythe ridge between the fields, and without a second thought Iwould ladle out enough to fill my tea-stained bowl. Once Id filledit to the brim, Id start bullshitting with some of the male workers.The girls would whisper among themselves and then stifle theirchuckles as Id swagger o f. I once spent a whole afternoon talkingwith an old man who kept a melon patch. I ate more melons thatday than I ever had in my life. When I stood up to leave, I suddenly realized that I had as much difficulty walking as a pregnantwoman. Later that day, I sat on the porch with a woman who hadalready become a grandmother. As she weaved a pair of strawsandals she sang Ten Month Pregnancy for me. What I lovedmost was sitting before the peasants houses just as dusk fell. Asthe suns rays came down through the delicate branches, I wouldwatch the peasants pour well water onto the ground, cooling thehot dust and sand. Holding the fan they passed over to me, Iwould try the pickled vegetables, which always tasted like salt. Iwould watch the girls and talk with the men.

I wore a wide-brimmed straw hat on my head and a pair ofslippers on my feet. A towel hung down from my belt behind me;I made it look like a tail patting me on the butt as I walked. Allday my mouth was wide open as I yawned, strolling aimlesslythrough the narrow trails that wove between the fields. My slippers made a funny sound, ba da ba da, as the dust along thetrail went flying upward. It was as if a truck had sped by.

Id wander all over the place, not even remembering which villages Id been to and which I hadnt. As Id approach the nextcountry village, Id often hear the children yelling, Hey, thatguy who always yawns is back!

And so the people in the village knew that the man who tolddirty stories and sang sad songs had come back again. Actually Ilearned all those dirty stories and sad songs from them. I kneweverything that interested them, and naturally this was also whatinterested me. I once came across an old man with a bloody noseand a swollen face sitting atop the ridge crying. His sadness filledhis entire body. When he saw me coming he looked up, and hisweeping grew louder. I asked him who beat him like this, and,scraping the mud off his pants with his fingernail, he told me withanger that it was that ungrateful son of his. When I asked himwhy, he kept beating around the bush but wouldnt explain. Iimmediately surmised that the old man must have been puttingthe moves on his daughter-in-law. Then on another occasion, Iwas hurrying on my way at night when the glow of my flashlightfell upon a pair of naked bodies beside a pond. One was pressingagainst the other. When I shined my light on them, except for ahand scratching a thigh, the two bodies lay absolutely still. Iquickly turned off my light and got out of there. One afternoon during the height of the farming season, hoping to get a drink of water,I walked into a house whose doors had been left wide open. A manwearing shorts and looking quite flustered stopped me and led meoutside to a well. He eagerly hoisted up a bucket of water for mefrom the well, then like a rat scurried back into his house. Thesewere all common occurrences, almost as common as the folk songs Iheard. When I gazed at the green earth that surrounded me, I camecloser to understanding why the crops here grew so vigorously.

That summer I almost fell in love. I met an enchanting younggirl, and even today her dark complexion glitters and radiatesbefore my eyes. When I saw her, her pants were cuffed up high asshe sat on the grass beside the river. Watching over a flock oflarge, plump ducks, she held a bamboo pole to prod them andkeep them together. This timid sixteen- or seventeen-year-old girlspent a scorching afternoon with me. Every time she smiled shewould lower her head in embarrassment. I noticed how shesecretly rolled her pants back down and hid her bare feet in thethick grass. That afternoon I spoke endlessly and irresponsibly ofmy plans to take her away to see the world. She was both frightened and pleased. At the time I was in quite high spirits and verysincere about what I said. During that short time with her, I wasovercome by a bliss that extended throughout my body andsoulnever once did I stop to think about tomorrow. Only laterwhen her three brothers, each of whom was built like an ox,approached, did I start to get scared. I felt the best thing for meto do would be to get out of therethe faster the betterthat is,unless I wanted to end up really marrying their little sister.

It was just as summer arrived that I met an old man namedFugui. That afternoon I made my way over to a tall tree with lushfoliage to get some relief from the blistering sun. The cotton in thefields had already been harvested. A few women wearing scarveswere collecting the cotton stalksevery now and then their asseswould wiggle as they removed the mud from the stalk roots. Itook off my straw hat and, reaching for the towel behind me,wiped the sweat from my face. Next to me there was a pond,which had turned golden under the radiance of the sun. As I satagainst the tree trunk facing the pond, I suddenly felt like Ineeded a nap. I lay down on the grass under the shade of the tree.Covering my face with my straw hat and using my backpack as apillow, I closed my eyes.

This me of ten years before lay down amid the leaves andlong grass and slept for two whole hours. During this time a fewants crawled up my leg, but even in my deep sleep my fingeraccurately flicked them o f. I felt as if I had come to a shore, andthe echoing shouts of an old man poling a bamboo raft seemed toreach my ears from far away. I awakened from my dream, andthe voice calling out was actually crisp and clear. After I turnedaround I saw an old man in one of the nearby fields patiently trying to coax an old ox into working.

The ox, probably already exhausted from plowing the field,stubbornly lowered his head and refused to move. The bare-chested old man leaned on the plough behind his beast, seemingly frustrated by the oxs attitude. I heard his bright voice sayto the ox, Oxen plough the fields, dogs watch over the house,