Lacey Buchanan - Through the Eyes of Hope: Love More, Worry Less, and See God in the Midst of Your Adversity

INTRODUCTION

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CHAPTER 1

WHEN LIFE TAKES A TURN

. And here we are todayI graduated from law school in May 2016, and Christian started kindergarten the following August.

CHAPTER 2

TRUSTING GOD WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

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. See Romans 8:3839.

. See Psalm 139:14.

. See Romans 8:28.

CHAPTER 3

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE

. Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2010).

CHAPTER 4

TESTS, TRIALS, AND TEARS

. Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books, 2007), 164.

CHAPTER 5

STRENGTH IN WEAKNESS

. See 2 Corinthians 12:9.

CHAPTER 6

A LONG STRETCH OF NIGHT

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. See Romans 8:28.

. See Jeremiah 29:11.

. See Isaiah 55:89.

. See Romans 8:3839.

. See Luke 22:42.

CHAPTER 9

A COMMUNITY OF SPECIAL KIDS

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. See Psalm 46:1.

CHAPTER 10

HATRED FROM BEHIND THE KEYBOARD

. See Matthew 25:40, 45.

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. Lee Jong-rak, in The Drop Box, documentary by Arbella Studios, trailer viewed at Brumfield, South Korea Pastors Drop Box Saves Abandoned Babies From Infanticide.

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CHAPTER 11

THE VIRAL VIDEO

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CHAPTER 12

GIFTS FROM STRANGERS

. See Matthew 25:40.

CHAPTER 14

ANOTHER BUCHANAN BABY!

. Janette Oke, Loves Long Journey (Grand Rapids, MI: Bethany House, 2003), 178.

. See Joel 2:26.

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We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.

CHARLES SWINDOLL

L ESS THAN A month after applying to law school, I waved the coveted acceptance letter over my head. Chris scooped me up in his strong arms and together we danced a happy tango across the carpet. Could life be more perfect?

The anticipation of fulfilling my childhood dream of becoming a lawyer left me energized, ready to take on the world. Excitement sweetened every moment.

Until two days later.

I came home from work, plopped on the couch, and realized the cramps Id ignored all day hadnt gone away. In fact, theyd worsened. About an hour later the cramps intensified to the point where I couldnt get comfortable. No amount of cushion or repositioning provided relief. I felt a strange sensation and raced to the bathroom.

My period wasnt due for another two weeks, but when I saw the spotting, I knew something was off. I grabbed my phone to call my doctor but hesitated.

Shes going to ask if Im pregnant.

On a whim I shuffled through a toiletry bag and found a pregnancy test. Thank God for two-packs.

After I took the test, I set it on the vanity countertop.

Two pink lines.

Oh. My. Mercy.

I called Chris immediately. He wouldnt be home for another few hours, but there was no way I could keep this amazing news a secret.

We chatted excitedly and celebrated over the phone for several minutes before we said good-bye. No sooner had I hung up than the bleeding started again, horrifyingly red and thick. I buried my head in my hands.

No... no... God, no. Please.

Pain shot through my abdomen, and I thought Id never make it out of the bathroom. I called my obstetrician, who squeezed me in for her earliest appointment the next day.

As soon as Chris walked in the door, tears streamed down my face as I waved the pregnancy stick in the air. He hugged me gently and rested his hand on my flat belly.

Everything will be fine, I said, but inside I was dying. Each trip to the bathroom compounded my fears.

I barely slept that night.

The next morning I was ready to leave the house well before the proper time. At seven oclock I couldnt wait any longer. As I drove, I thought of all the people around me, headed home or to their jobs, blissfully happy while my life felt like it was about to come crashing down.

God, please dont let me lose this baby. Save my baby.

ULTRASOUND #1

The outline of my uterus was the only distinguishable area as the technician moved the probe across my stomach, the black-and-gray void unchanging on the screen. We waited as she switched to a more invasive and uncomfortable process. The wand pressed inside me as she searched for evidence of life.

Its too early for there to be a heartbeat, she told us. Dont worry if we dont hear anything. With a few clicks of the computer mouse she snapped a few pictures then froze the screen and typed notes across a tiny round area.

The yolk sac.

The absence of a heartbeat was terrifying. Id heard that miscarriage is natures way of ending an abnormal pregnancy, that many women who experience a heavier-than-normal period may actually have miscarried without ever realizing it. But I knew I was pregnant, and I desperately wanted this baby, yet I felt powerless to protect the child inside me.

Why would God bless us with a life only to take it away?

When the exam was over, a grave-looking doctor came in to explain our situation. As he spoke, my mind latched onto only the most horrific words:... progesterone... early... possible miscarriage. Nothing to do but wait.

There has to be something we can do, Chris said.

Yes, I looked at him. We pray.

Why would God bless us with a life only to take it away?

ULTRASOUND #2

Three weeks later I balanced myself on the narrow table. I glanced at the doctor whod joined us and squeezed my hands into fists as I waited for proof of life. The entire reason for this ultrasound was to determine if I had miscarried or if my baby had won the fight. At six weeks gestation the heartbeat should be loud and strong, a good sign that the baby would hold on for the rest of the pregnancy.

The technician gently began the exam.

It was the moment of truth, and I was terrified.

Immediately the most beautiful steady thump-thump, thump-thump like thundering hooves echoed in the room. I closed my eyes, hands clasped over my heart in silent thanks to God.

For a few silent moments I memorized every rhythmic pulse and beat. My babyour babystill lived.

A week later, on my first night of law school, I sat in the hard-backed chair, laptop open, ready for note-taking. The experience became one of those core memories, like from the kids movie Inside Out where the cute emotions characters control the humans brains. A brand-new path lay before me. As I sat waiting for the professor to begin his lecture, I wondered about my babys future. The timing felt significant. He was coming to law school with memaybe hed be a lawyer!

The days passed in sweet routine. As my belly swelled, Chris and I narrowed down a list of names and started decorating the nursery. The Buchanan home was filled with young love and bright dreams for our family.

Halfway through the pregnancy we returned to the obstetricians office for the standard anatomy ultrasound. I was showing enough to wear maternity clothes and already felt the babys kicks and stretches.

Just for fun Id taken a gender prediction test from Rite-Aid. Ecstatic to find out if our active baby was, in fact, male, Chris and I crossed our fingers in anticipation as the tech searched for the telltale body parts. Thankfully our little guy wasnt shy.