Lacey Sturm - The Return: Reflections on Loving God Back

Dear Reader

Every morning I thank God for another day. Ive lived through seasons of facing death daily, in all kinds of ways. Surviving has taught me that each morning is a gift. In this thankful moment of waking up, I long to come close to God. I long to sit in his arms and hear him breathe, and in a childlike way, as I used to do in my mothers arms, try to get my breath to line up with his. This is when I ask God questions. I know that the answers are somewhere in his breath. The Bible says all Scripture is God-breathed.

So I ask God questions in the morning while we sit together, and I listen to his answers in the Scriptures. Then I begin to jour- nal, and revelation comes. What you hold in your hands now are pieces of my journals.

At night I curl back up in his arms and listen. With the Scrip- tures, its like God is singing us all this eternal song, with move- ments of emotion, history, adventure, passion, joy, suffering, jus- tice, mercy, and mystery. I love to end my day with his thoughts as well, reading through the Bible as a story. While I read and after, I talk to God, thanking him and praying for understanding, transformation, help, wisdom, and all kinds of things.

In response to his song over me, I want to sing to him in return. Writing poems and songs helps me to bring him my heart.

Introduction

Become a Rock Star?

As I stood signing autographs at the club, the line stretched out the door. A sixteen-year-old girl and her mom walked over to me.

Both mother and daughter had petite frames and lovely, wild manes of dark black curls. The sixteen-year-old started talking quickly, her braces sparkling.

Oh my gosh, I cant believe Im actually meeting you. I have been your fan for such a long time; I love all your songs, and your albums are my favorite ever. They mean so much to me and you have helped me through so much and I just wanted to ask you so many thingsand oh my gosh, Im so sorry, I dont want to take up too much of your time, there are so many people here.

Her mom put her hand on her shoulder and spoke up, a little embarrassed. Just tell her what you want to tell her; there are people waiting.

She rolled her eyes and forcefully shrugged her moms hand off as if to say, Dont touch me!

I saw the hurt in her mothers face and felt it like an arrow to my own heart as a mother. The daughter went quickly from em- barrassment to anger to sadness and turned away.

Available

Returning My Plans

Reflection

In the presence of God, any plan that doesnt line up with his own plans turns to ash. The eternal perspective in his presence purifies every human ambition. There is a thankfulness in deep worship that makes us want to open our hands and lift them to heaven.

Open hands are a sign of surrendering and being emptied out before God.

When I move and operate from this place of surrender and emptying, this place of open hands, I find I can be brave enough and nothing enough to receive Gods plans and power for my life.

How to Become a Bright Light

We had our first snowfall of the season the other day. It was as if God put a fluffy, sparkling, white blanket over the entire wood around us. When I walked outside, the quiet shocked me. It felt like God whispered, Hush. Listen. Be still.