Lauri Burns - Punished for Purpose

PUNISHED FORPURPOSE:

FROM OUT OF THE DARKNESS CAME APOWERFUL HEALING LIGHT

By

Lauri L. Burns

Powerful, inspiring and courageous.Lauris story will open your heart. Justin Carroll, writer &actor

Living proof of the power offorgiveness. This book demonstrates that every life has a purpose.I highly recommend it. Melissa Brown Levine, BookReviewer

"One of the most profound books I haveread. Lauri's story made me cry, made me laugh, but mostimportantly made me think. Lauri's transformation reinforced mybelief in the resilience of the human spirit and the power ofspiritual change. I highly recommend it." Christine Patrick,Editor.

SMASHWORDS EDITION

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PUBLISHED BY:

Lauri Burns on Smashwords

Copyright 2010 by LauriBurns

Smashwords Edition LicenseNotes

This ebook is licensed for yourpersonal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or givenaway to other people. If you would like to share this book withanother person, please purchase an additional copy for each personyou share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchaseit, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you shouldreturn to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you forrespecting the author's work.

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PUNISHED FOR PURPOSE:

FROM OUT OF THE DARKNESS CAME APOWERFUL HEALING LIGHT

Sitting at the vanity in my suiteonboard the Royal Caribbean cruise ship I took a deep breath,collected my thoughts and closed my laptop. I had written a gooddeal in the privacy of my cabin, but had barely scratched thesurface. Recounting my life thus far had been painful, andrealizing how much of the nightmare still remained untoldoverwhelmed me. There were many days when I could only write a lineor two, most days I couldnt write at all. On this particular day,I felt like I had made some real progress. Living through this lifeonce was plenty for anyone to endure, but now I was voluntarilyreliving it through my writing. Was I crazy? I couldnt say, butany thought of stopping was countered with the hope that I mighthelp someone. Even if I only helped one person to take a differentpath, my nightmare would serve a higher purpose, and somehow out ofall of this badness would come something good. The moment I beganmy story, I knew I couldnt turn back; regardless of how long ittook me, I was compelled to get it all out. Although I was on aroll that particular morning, I needed to stop. The ship had dockedat shore and it was time to pack up and prepare to disembark. Thefog horn would sound any moment and I hadnt even started packing.With my laptop now closed, my mind kept on writing.

As I rushed around the room, grabbingmy belongings and shoving them into my suitcase, I got that ominousfeeling one gets when a great vacation nears its end. My cell phoneremained on the side of my bed where I had set it several days agoin the off position. I figured preserving battery power would begood, as there was no signal out at sea. As a sign of defeat and aconfirmation that my vacation was nearly over, I retrieved it,turned it on, and set it back down. Better to jump right back intoaction than to delay it any further.

As expected, less than a minute laterit jingled alerting me that messages were waiting. Conflicted by mydesire to know who had called and my unwillingness to punctuate theend of my cruise, I could only stare at the pestering phone. Thelonger I procrastinated reconnecting to my life on land, the moremy curiosity grew. Conceding to the inevitable, I gave in, pickedit up and dialed my voicemailTo listen to your voice messages,press 1.

Hi Lauri, its Mom. Oh, I forgotyoure on the cruise. Good luck with your speech honey, call mewhen you get home. Beep.

Lauri, this is Michael Gold. Im asocial worker at St. Martins Hospital. We have your father herewith us and hes made some statements. I need you to call me backas soon as possible. Myoffice number is"

I grabbed a pen and paper off thenightstand and wrote down the number. A range of emotions bombardedme. What could he have possibly done this time? I thought I hadclosed out the past when I shutdown my laptop, but I was wrong. Icouldnt have possibly prepared myself for this call. Feelingtrapped, I set the phone down and stood by the cabins small windowand stared out at the vast blue sea. I began to talk to myself inmy head. I often do this when I need some inner coaching and thiswas certainly one of those times. You can do thisyou are a grownwoman Lauriits all different now. Breathe in and breathe outjustdialand breathe. Thoughts adrift, I was snapped back to reality bythe ships booming fog horn. I regained my composure, reached formy phone and slowly dialed. I was relieved to hear the machine atthe other end, as it extended my vacation a few moreminutes.

This is Michael Gold. Im not in theoffice right now, but please leave me a message and Ill call youback as soon as I can. Beep.

Hello Michael, this is Lauri Burns;Im returning your call. I apologize for the delay but I was on acruise and had no signal. Please return my call as soon aspossible; I will keep my phone close by.

From the loudspeaker above a mansvoice declared, Blue tags on deck for departure. I shoved my cellin my back pocket, threw my remaining things into my suitcase andheaded for the lobby. Exiting the elevator, I joined the long lineof passengers who had arrived before me. My children, who sharedtheir own cabin, showed up shortly thereafter and filed in behindme. Did you comb your room to make sure you got everything? Iasked. Mary mumbled yes in that child annoyed by a bothersomeparent tone, Chantel smiled and nodded and Danielle responded witha chipper, Yepper! Went through it twice!

Seconds later, the phone rang.Reluctantly, I retrieved it from my pocket, Hello, this isLauri.

Then I heard the deep familiar voice onthe other end. Lauri Burns, this is Michael Gold.

Yes? I responded.

There was an incident involving yourfather and hes been here with us for a few days. Up untilyesterday he told us he had no family. Today hes saying he has onedaughter. He gave us your number. Although I have two sisters, Iwas too intrigued to interrupt.

It seems that your father was planningon taking his life and that of a lady named Lydia. Do you knowLydia? I made that sound one makes when answering yes to aquestion without saying any words, Mmm hmm.

As he continued to talk, I dropped mybags and slowly walked away from the line. I found refuge in ashaded area behind the lounge, crouched down and closed my eyes.Was this really happening? Now?

Your father had called his Rabbi andhis brother-in-law and told them he and Lydia made a suicide pactand wanted to be left alone so that they could die in peace.Someone called the police. When they arrived, your father wouldntcome out of the house. From the doorway, they could see two guns onthe table behind him.

They ordered him out of the house andtold him to kneel down on the lawn. Although he came outside, hetold them he couldnt kneel down because of a recent knee surgery.Apparently, they didnt believe him so they took him downphysically. It appears he was injured and hes veryupset.

My vacation was clearly over. Icontinued listening. Now hes saying he did some bad things andhes going to be put away.

Do you know what hes talking about?Again, I somehow replied, Yes.

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I flashed back 20 years ago to a visitwith my therapist at the time. I was 24 years old sporting longblack hair down to the middle of my back, dark liquid eyelineremphasizing the intensity of my large brown eyes and torn jeansthat exposed my knees and butt. These were my favorite jeansasreckless as my state of mind. Underneath the jeans, I wore blackfishnet stockings to conceal my skin. While that might have luredsome in, my large black steel toed boots and anger kept most atbay.