Rachel Ann Cullen - Running For My Life: How I built a better me one step at a time

Brave and inspiring, Running For My Life moved me to tears. It also moved me into my trainers and out for a run!

Ruth Field, author of Run Fat B!tch Run

A searingly honest account of Rachels amazing journey from sedentary teenager, lacking in confidence and self-esteem, through to accomplished and inspirational member of the running community. She kept me engaged from start to finish, with plenty of laughs along the way, and Id thoroughly recommend this book to runners everywhere.

Tom Williams, Global COO of parkrun and co-host of the Marathon Talk podcast

Its so inspirational to read how Rachels discovery of a passion for running helped her to overcome her mental health struggles. For Rachel, running became so much more than purely keeping fit. It became something which enabled her to fully conquer the battles of severe anxiety and self-doubt. Its heartwarming to learn how Rachel has been able to prove to herself that she really can achieve things that she would have never believed were possible.

Jo Pavey, medal-winning long-distance runner

I love this book for showing how with sheer determination and dogged tenacity you can overcome great difficulties, and that sport, from whatever point or age that you start, can change your life. She might even persuade me that one day I too could love running.

Louise Minchin, BBC journalist and presenter

Written wittily, honestly and with a take no crap attitude, I could feel the warmth of [Rachel] as a person in her writing. Anyone who is hungry for change, looking for the light or even running their first marathon and needing a little insight; this book is FOR YOU! I loved every chapter of this book.

Lipstick & Trainers blog

What a heartfelt, moving, honest journey of self-discovery this is a book you have to pick up in 2018. Rachel is a natural writer I was laughing out loud at times, feeling sad at others, but most of all I was rooting for her the whole way through.

Sissi Reads blog

A rich, colourful and brutally honest account of one womans fight to beat her mental health demons. Written with candid details and dark humour this book is a journey about a quest to live life in the happiest and healthiest way possible chronicling all the ups and downs, the good, the bad and the downright ugly along the way!

The Very Pink Notebook blog

Full of heart and beautifully told inspirational, melancholy and often very funny, its kind of a road map of the inner soul I loved it.

Liz Loves Books blog

Published by Blink Publishing

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Trade Paperback 978-1-911-274-84-1

Ebook 978-1-911-274-85-8

All rights reserved. No part of the publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or circulated in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing of the publisher.

A CIP catalogue of this book is available from the British Library.

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Copyright Rachel Cullen, 2018

Rachel Cullen has asserted her moral right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

This book is a work of non-fiction, based on the life, experiences and recollections of Rachel Cullen. Certain details in this story, including names, have been changed to protect identity and privacy.

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace copyright holders of material reproduced in this book, but if any have been inadvertently overlooked the publishers would be glad to hear from them.

Blink Publishing is an imprint of the Bonnier Publishing Group www.bonnierpublishing.co.uk

To my beautiful Tilly.

Thank you for being my reason why.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

This story is like many untold stories of superwomen and supermen, who have yet to find and unfurl their capes. It just takes that first step into the unknown and, for so many, that unknown is running.

For Rachel, running allows her to explore openly and rawly her personal and physical struggles. She shares with the reader the pressures of societal expectations and relationships; the puzzle of life that can take so many years and so many tries to get right. The hardships of our world are right here for us to relate to, giggle at and be heartbroken by.

We have all been on some sort of journey like Rachel and, because of her words, we can see that we are not alone. Her openness to share her story has created a pathway for us all to follow, to unfurl our own capes.

We can become aware that, even under all our negatives, we too are actually super.

Anna Frost, 2018

Trail and ultra runner

PROLOGUE

AGED 36

THE LONDON MARATHON, 2015

Im on the train down to London. Im listening to other runners on the train talking about the marathon, which is taking place in a couple of days time. Some women in front of us are mid-chatter: Yeah, I hear Paula Radcliffe is running with us regular runners this time. We may see her! Gav and I quietly chuckle to ourselves at the conversation: shes hardly likely to be overtaken by Barbara in a tutu or Ronnie the Running Rhino.

Im standing up next to a guy whos waiting for the loo its his first marathon. Small talk reveals weve both been fixated on the weather report for the last week. Its supposed to be a monsoon for us on Sunday, isnt it? I figure a brief weather synopsis is always a good way to break the ice, shortly followed by the obvious: Have you run the London Marathon before, then?

Nope its my first time, he replies, resembling a rabbit in headlights. I ran my first 23-miler last week which seemed to go OK.

I darent mention the word taper. For the uninitiated, this is the theory that you should reduce the amount of training you do just before a race to get your body to peak condition. For a marathon, its generally thought to be a pretty good idea.

Fortunately, the loo becomes free.

The first destination for most of us once we reach London is the Expo, the big pre-marathon exhibition for runners held at the ExCel conference centre in the east of the city. As the train pulls in to Kings Cross, weve already got our Oyster cards in hand, ready for the next leg of the journey.

The Underground is swarming with people, many clearly in town for Sundays race. Some unsurprisingly look like experienced, fully fledged marathon runners. There is a cool stereotype: well-worn trainers and the running equivalent of shabby chic: