Annmarie Kelly-Harbaugh - Here Be Dragons: A Parents Guide to Rediscovering Purpose, Adventure, and the Unfathomable Joy of the Journey

Praise for Here Be Dragons

Here Be Dragons is not just a hilarious book about parenting; its a hopeful, honest, and wise book about becoming the grown-up you were always meant to be.

Cecilia and Jason Hilkey, HappilyFamily.com

Parenting is inherently funny and horrible and sweet and enervating and invigorating. Ken and Annmarie capture all of it. And they do so while writing beautifully and with real soul.

Ken Kurson, Editor in Chief of the New York Observer

Here Be Dragons proves that it is possible to raise children with both a sense of adventure and an obligation to serve others. Bravery and kindness are not mutually exclusive. Best of all, Ken and Annmarie show that parenting is a team sport. For anyone who doubts that building a family can indeed be a joyful journey, this book should be required reading.

Eric Greitens, New York Times bestselling author of The Heart and the Fist

There are so many books about parentingabout raising happy, successful, loving children. This is a book about raising children who are active citizens in a democracywhich, studies show, is more likely to make them happy, successful, and loving adults than almost anything else. Ken and Annmarie are American treasures; share their wealth of experience and wisdom.

Joe Klein, author of Charlie Mike and Primary Colors

I rarely read parenting books anymore. I find more guilt than freedom within most of their pages. But Here Be Dragons is different. I came away from Ken and Annmaries memoir with a renewed vision of myself as a mom, and a rekindled appreciation for the adventures that have made up my own familys stories.

Jamie C. Martin, author of Give Your Child the World: Raising Globally Minded Kids One Book at a Time

Ken and Annmarie are two very smart people who have written a very smart book on the many lessons that life has taught them about marriage, parenting, and trying to be good people. If you can handle blunt stories about barf, bedtime, poop, and tears, theres a lot to learn from this book.

Rev. Damian J. Ference, Director of Human Formation, Borromeo Seminary

Equal parts humorous and heartbreaking, Here Be Dragons reminds us that although parenting isnt always a picnic, it doesnt have to feel like rat race. In reframing mishaps as adventures and reminding us all to take the time to change our socks, Ken and Annmarie provide both comic relief and solid advice for couples caught in the whirlwind that is parenting.

Katie Hurley, LCSW, bestselling author of The Happy Kid Handbook

This hilarious account of one couples parenting voyage illustrates how much more rewarding it can be to occasionally let go of the rudder and let the wind take the sails. Recommended for all high achievers who venture into parenting with the perfect plan only to find the baby barfed on your map.

Kelly Watson, coauthor, The Orange Line: A Womans Guide to Integrating Career, Family and Life

Through their adventures in life-living and child-rearing, Ken and Annmarie demonstrate the humor, strength, and forgiveness necessary to strike a balance between the home front and the larger world. For anyone trying to navigate both work and family, the Harbaughs offer an amazing and hopeful perspective.

Tracey Miller-Zarneke, coauthor of Before Ever After: The Lost Lectures of Walt Disneys Animation Studio

Ken and Annmarie manage to be wise, funny, and relatable without being smug, superficial, or ordinary. Their journey from the parents they thought they would be to the parents they actually are is equal parts heartbreaking and hilarious. Here Be Dragons is a must-read for anyone looking to connect with the wonderand wackinessof being a mom or dad.

Julie Fishman, coauthor of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags and co-host of First Timers , a parenting podcast

Copyright 2016 by Annmarie Kelly-Harbaugh and Ken Harbaugh

All rights reserved.

Certain names and identifying characteristics have been changed, and certain events, especially the embarrassing ones, have been reordered and compressed.

Published by Familius LLC, www.familius.com

Familius books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases, whether for sales promotions or for family or corporate use. For more information, contact Familius Sales at 559-876-2170 or email orders@familius.com.

Reproduction of this book in any manner, in whole or in part, without written permission of the publisher is prohibited.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

2016949869

Print ISBN 9781942934905

Ebook ISBN 9781944822293

Hardcover ISBN 9781944822309

Printed in the United States of America

Edited by Michele Robbins

Cover design by David Miles

Book design by Brooke Jorden

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

To our children, Katie, Lizzie, and Henry,

without whom this book would have been finished much, much sooner.

Authors Note

For whatever reason, books like this are often written from the viewpoint of one parent. We suspect that is because writing together causes entirely too many arguments. Neither of us is a solo act, so we have written this book as a team. We have lived together for almost twenty years and shared many of the same experiences. However, our interpretations of those events can be quite different. Plus, we found the repetition of the word we really annoying. Therefore, apart from the introduction and conclusion, which we narrate together, the rest of our stories are told from alternating perspectives.

Annmarie and Ken

Introduction: We Used to Be Awesome

N iagara Falls was frozen. So were we. But we stood there anyway, the wind blowing through our coats and stinging our faces. Mom, Dad, two kids, and a baby gazing across the chasm at great vertical sheets of ice where the rushing water should have been. This was not the vacation we had envisioned. Our lives seemed as frozen as that waterfall.

We had health care, a new car, a great house, and a dog. But we were off kilter, disjointed, out of sync, and miserable. How had it come to this? We worked hard to afford our shared life, but we were not together often enough to enjoy it. The kids had grown accustomed to grumpy Mommy and AWOL Dad. Our lifestyle no longer seemed worth the sacrifice.

Before having children, we had been decent people. Interesting, even. One of us had taught Shakespeare to gang members, while the other flew reconnaissance missions off North Korea. One sailed across the Mediterranean Sea, and the other canoed the Suwannee River with ten troubled teenagers in tow. But our own children had proven our biggest challenge.

That weekend trip to Niagara was the closest thing to R&R that wed had in months. We prepared the kids for a great natural wonderthe Cave of the Winds, the Maid of the Mist, the Aero Car suspended high above a tremendous whirlpool. But the waterfall was frozen and the tourist attractions were closed. As we stood alone on that ice-covered catwalk, which in warmer months hosted honeymooning couples from around the world, we realized something. Being married and building a family... at that moment, it kind of sucked.

Something had to change.

Purpose and Adventure

Children can break you. They grey your hair, try your patience, and ruin your weekly poker game. Sometimes it can be a challenge to remember what it was that prompted you to have kids in the first place. And work? Especially when we are providing for families, work becomes the thing we think we have to do to pay for the stuff we assume our family needs: dance classes, snowboarding camp, that summer cottage at the lake. No wonder most parents are exhausted.