Jim Palmer - Why, When I Was A Kid: Autobiographical Ramblings

Why,
When I Was A Kid

autobiographical ramblings

James R. Palmer Jr.

Copyright 2005 James R. Palmer Jr.

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ISBN 1-4120-6510-0

ISBN: 978-1-4122-3833-5 (ebk)

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Contents

We live in fast paced, hectic society which seems far removed from the less complicated days of the recent past when life wasnt really all that easy in some ways. For all those kids who survived the 1930s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s, the stories of my good ole days as written on the pages of this book may strike a familiar chord. After all you have survived without all the modern technology and before the lawyers and government regulated our lives for our own good. First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didnt get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with brightly colored lead-based paints. We had no child proof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking. As children we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick-up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water directly from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends from one bottle and no one actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, bread slathered with butter and jam, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we werent overweight because we were always playing outside! We would leave the house in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the porch lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day long and we were okay! We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill only to figure out that we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We didnt have Playstations, Nintendos, X-Boxes, video gamesno 99 channels on cable or satelite, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no PCs, no internet or chats rooms. We had friends and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We made up games with sticks and dirt clods and ate worms. And although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friendss house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didnt had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that! The idea of a parent bailing you out of trouble if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! We had freedom and failure, success and responsibility and we learned how to deal with it all without going to the shrink every five minutes. If you are one of the above, congratulations! Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesnt it?

This book was originally written as a series of short stories about my childhood, in an attempt to give my children and posterity a few glimpses into my life. In addition to those stories, I have added some well polished hunting stories and others just to add a little flavor. Hopefully, the stories may be of enough humor or interest to encourage others to read this as well. Some of these stories may seem foreign to a city kid since the setting for most is rural farms and the mountains, but plain old country folk like myself surely will have something in common with a lot of these tales. Some skeptics (mostly jealous brothers) may argue that these accounts have been embellished and are not totally accurate as compared to their versions of the same stories, but one should remember that they were much younger than I at the time most of these events occurred, giving them less credibility. I must assure the reader that though some of these stories have been told many times and have become rather polished through the years, every effort has been made to be as accurate and truthful as possible. No attempt has been made to arrange the stories in any sequence or chronological order, except to intersperse my personal favorites in strategic locations to keep the interest of the reader throughout the entire volume.

I have led a very normal life and for the most part it has been a pleasant experience. Sure there have been a few storms and strife, but the Lord has blessed me with a great family and faith in His goodness and mercy. Im sure that everyone has had similar experiences, and reading this book may bring some good memories of childhood experiences to the surface. Some of the stories included here are of a rather personal nature and took a great deal of energy and emotion to put into words. I hope you feel a portion of this emotional roller coaster as you peruse the enclosed pages!

Why, When I Was a Kid

Remember when you got the speech from your dad or grandpa that always started with the preface, Why, when I was a kid..? You would fold your arms and roll your eyes back into your head as you listened impatiently to the boring speech that sounded more like a bunch of baloney than reality. Why, when I was a kid, I had to walk ten miles to the school bus, uphill both ways! The grass was greener, the sky was bluer and the snow was deeper! Duh! I would think to myself. You were shorter then too! I would say sarcastically, in an attempt to refute the deep snow portion of the stories.

The Crotchety Old Man skit from the old Saturday Night Live television show was always funny to me because it was so much like what we used to hear all the time. Billy Crystal in his old man costume would say, Why, when I was a kid we were so poor that we would use baking soda for toothpaste! And we liked it! We would walk ten miles just to get to the one-roomed school house! And we liked it! he would say in his best crotchety old man voice. I would sit and watch and laugh and laugh, all the while realizing, now that I had gotten much older, that there really was some basis of truth to those old stories. Maybe they had been embellished a bit, but those old folks really did have it tough compared to our generation.