Parks - Seriously Mum, Whats an Alpaca?

Reviews of The Seriously Mum series by Alan Parks

" What an engrossing read! Leaving England and moving to Spain, I know from personal experience, is tough and certainly life-changing. But this brave couple, not only uprooted themselves, but set up an alpaca breeding farm in rural Andalucia. I laughed and cried, sharing their highs and lows, willing them to succeed. An inspiring and fascinating story " - Victoria Twead, Author of NYT bestseller Two Old Fools on a Camel and the Old Fools series.

" As you can imagine, their stories of adjusting to life in Spain just keep getting better, and in comparison with Driving Over Lemons, Alan and Lorna's tales seem more contemporary, and still as true of expat life today as when they arrived in Spain.

This really is a ripping tale of authentic Andalucia, from a family known and loved within the expat communtiity, precisely because they chose to remove themselves and breed alpacas. If living the expat life appeals to you, or you are already doing it, then Seriously Mum, Whats an Alpaca? should be considered a must read ." - Ronda Today

I really enjoyed reading Alan's account of his brave and adventurous move to Spain. Despite the many challenges - both emotional and physical - that Alan and his wife Lorna face, there is still a genuine feeling of happiness and almost childlike excitement about the whole experience, which shines through in the narrative. I'm almost tempted to pack up, move abroad, and try something similar myself. Nah, I'll just read Alan's sequel instead. George Mahood, Author of the bestselling Free Country.

What a great read, I could not put it down until I finished it!

"Absolutely delightful. Humorous, well written. Well done, Mr. Parks."

So good - looking forward to the sequel!!

A rollicking story of British ex-patriots in Spain.

These books are hilarious, funny and entertaining. At the same time educative. Easy to read.

Seriously Mum,
Whats an Alpaca?

Alan Parks

The first in the Seriously Mum series

Also available in Paperback

Table of Contents

Some character names in this book have been
changed to preserve anonymity.

Introduction

To say that my life has changed over the last few years would be a drastic understatement. I have been through the wettest winters and the hottest summers imaginable.

I share my beautiful home in the Andalucan hills with a menagerie of strange creatures. The inquisitive alpacas are a joy to be around, but, to be honest, the dogs can be a nightmare. I do my best to keep out of their way. Sometimes, just to be annoying, I like to walk past their fence. Sometimes I just sit there and stare at them, which really irritates them, especially the big one!

When the chickens arrived I thought maybe they would be good for dinner one day. But I just cant do it. I cant imagine eating them.

I enjoy my siestas by the pool, during the long, hot summer. If I can keep away from the kids for an hour or two, then the peace and quiet is fantastic.

When we have visitors its always exciting. It means dinner will be something interesting. Hopefully the guests will have brought something special for me.

Since those two strange people came to live here with us, I have had eight babies, and the last four left home not so long ago. This years were a handful, but I coped, I always do. As its winter, I spend most of the time in the barn, trying to keep warm in the hay.

But soon it will be spring, the sun will shine and the birds will be back. Then it will be my favourite time of year, when the baby birds are hatching. Then dinner will be easy to get. Then I can return to my lazy life by the pool.

Barb (Feral Cat)

Chapter 1
Crazy Idea

Animal Count: One dog (Geri)

Okay, tell me a bit more about this idea then, said Lorna, as we battled against the wind on the seafront near Brighton. It was a couple of days since her revelation.

Well, Ive been thinking. Why dont we move somewhere else? You know, try something different? It would take the pressure off you, get you out of dancing, and also be something exciting and new for us.

Two days earlier, on a previous walk, Lorna had told me that she was struggling to keep up with teaching at her dance school.

Im not sure how long I can go on, she had said.

She had been diagnosed with Sarcoidosis and Thyroiditis, after nearly two years of doctors visits and hospital appointments. It was making work difficult and taking its toll on all of us.

Hmm, okay, she said, but what would we do? I dont know how to be anything other than a dance teacher. And youve only ever worked in shops. We cant just drop everything and do something else.

Do you remember that funny looking animal we saw at Prague zoo? The alpaca?

Lorna gave me a puzzled look, as though Id lost my marbles. Yes, of course. We loved him, but whats that got to do with anything?

Well, Ive been doing a bit of research, and it looks like alpacas are quite a profitable business. I was thinking maybe we could breed them. Maybe move to Florida and do it?

Lorna was giving me a look that said, I cant believe we are even talking about this! I knew I was pushing my luck with the Florida suggestion, but I was serious about the alpacas.

No way! I cant move to Florida, Alan. What about the kids? Its too far! Visiting would be expensive and you know how I hate flying! It's nine hours to Florida! Lorna's two children, Mark, (24 at the time), happily living with his girlfriend, and Frankie, 18, and very close to her Mum, evidently put Florida out of the question.

Okay, okay, I sighed. I thought you might say that. What about Spain?

Spain? Really? But youve never even been there! And you dont like the heat. How would you cope?

Id be okay, I would get used to it. I think we should move away and do something completely different.

Hmm...

Frankie and her boyfriend could even come with us, I suggested.

Well, I need to do something. I cant carry on like I am at the moment. In tears one minute and having to put on a smile the next. Plus, if I give up teaching, I dont want always to be known as Lorna the dance teacher when we see people around town.

Have a think about it then, I said. The house should be easy to sell.

Our house was situated in a desirable area, just outside Brighton, on top of cliffs, with a 180 degree sea view.

Near our house was a country park, open to the public, which houses a sizeable number of llamas and alpacas. We decided to head there, to have a look around, and to think more about our idea. It is a beautiful place and we sat outside the cafe, in the sunshine, staring at the alpacas. It was that day that we fell in love with them.

We wandered into the barn, where the babies were being kept for the first delicate days of their lives, before being released into the fields. One particular alpaca, Poppy, who had been orphaned the year before, wandered freely about. She had been hand-reared and was very friendly, nuzzling up under our arms for a cuddle. Curiosity attracted other alpacas too, who came to have a look, and take a little food from our hands before running away again. They were relaxing to watch and totally bewitching.

Could we really do this? Lorna asked.

I think we could. Obviously we will have to do some research to find out more about them. But just imagine, what could be better than a life in the sun with these beautiful animals as companions?

You know what they say, never work with children or animals. Well, Ive spent 30 years teaching children, why not complete the set?

Well, what do you think? Is it a yes?

Oh my God! I think it is! Lorna laughed nervously.

So that was it. We would move to Spain and breed alpacas.

Chapter 2
Whats an Alpaca?

Hi, Frankie, we need to talk to you, Lorna said as her daughter came in through the front door. Shed been staying at her boyfriends house, and Lorna had called to say she wanted her to come home.