Michelle Steinke-Baumgard - Healthy Healing: A Guide to Working Out Grief Using the Power of Exercise and Endorphins

Contents

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This book contains advice and information relating to health care. It should be used to supplement rather than replace the advice of your doctor or another trained health professional. If you know or suspect you have a health problem, it is recommended that you seek your physicians advice before embarking on any medical program or treatment. All efforts have been made to assure the accuracy of the information contained in this book as of the date of publication. This publisher and the author disclaim liability for any medical outcomes that may occur as a result of applying the methods suggested in this book.

HEALTHY HEALING. Copyright 2017 by Michelle Steinke-Baumgard. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

FIRST EDITION

Digital Edition OCTOBER 2017 ISBN: 978-0-06-265604-9

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Steinke-Baumgard, Michelle, author.

Title: Healthy healing : a guide to working out grief using the power of exercise and endorphins / Michelle Steinke-Baumgard.

Description: First edition. | New York, NY : HarperOne, [2017]

Identifiers: LCCN 2017044832 | ISBN 9780062656032 (paperback)

Subjects: LCSH: Grief therapy. | Exercise. | Endorphins. | Mind and body. | Nutrition. | Self-care, Health. | BISAC: SELF-HELP / Death, Grief, Bereavement. | HEALTH & FITNESS / General. | SELF-HELP / Motivational & Inspirational.

Classification: LCC RC455.4.L67 S74 2017 | DDC 615.8/2--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017044832

Dedicated to my Addy and Chew, who lit my inner fire when life threatened to extinguish the flame. To my Mitch, who taught me to live in and cherish the momentyour lessons live on. To my father, Quentin, who gave me grit and passion. And to Keith, my man who came after, who showed me my heart was big and wide enough to love again.

Finally, to you, my reader, who have decided it is time to live again. My wish is that this book sets your soul on fire and you do big things with all the days you have left.

You are still here for a reason.

You are not alone. I understand that in many ways you probably feel completely on your own because grief is isolating and the path forward is daunting. Validating those feelings will be part of your healing journey, which starts right now. Youve picked up this book, and with that single action youve joined a community of people seeking a positive path forward and a chance to live their best life after loss. While no two grief journeys are ever the same, just knowing you are part of a community will help you survive this time in your life and take active, positive steps forward.

I too have lived in the shadow of loss, and I know the pain, the exhaustion, and the loneliness that accompanies life beyond the death of someone you imagined you couldnt live without. I also know that grief is a very personal experience, one that is as unique to each griever as their fingerprint. There is no rule book, no set of guidelines, and no time frame to the grief journey. Loss does not discriminate based on any outside factorsnot age, happiness, or health. Loss is universalthe great common denominator. It can certainly come from death (which, as youll soon discover, was the root of my personal grief story), but through my years working with clients and founding the One Fit Widow community, Ive learned that loss comes in many other forms as well and while this book is primarily about loss from death, Id be remiss if I didnt acknowledge other forms of loss. There is the personal loss of being consumed by a busy life, wondering if you still matter and struggling to find yourself amid your day-to-day tasks. There is also the loss of identity, which can occur in the aftermath of a major life event, such as a divorce or a job loss.

As a child, my father often reminded me that nothing is easy, not for me or any other person who walks this earth. Every time I struggled or failed, my father told me, Michelle, life is difficult. That phrase came from M. Scott Pecks The Road Less Traveled. Mr. Peck brilliantly tells us, This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficultonce we truly know and accept itthen life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Id like you to remember the universality of difficult times while you read this book. I want you to remember that challenges are not unique to you and suffering is part of the human condition. You are not alone.

There is no question that grief is the most powerful of all emotionswith the exception of loveand if you love in this life, then you will eventually grieve. None of us escapes without shards of glass in our heartsthe darkness, the loneliness that no words can accurately describe. We all experience this pain. However, despite the universality of grief, weve let each other down. We havent created a healthy plan for healing. In fact, as I argue later in this book, weve done a major disservice to grievers. We tell them to move on. We try to fit their grief journey into a linear path with arbitrary stages. We force them into unrealistic timelines. We dont give them the tools to start to feel better. I hope this book will change that.

While other books and experts are going to tell you the path you must take is to move on, Im here to tell you to instead move forward. And the best way to move forward is by literally moving forward. Physical fitness is a perfect metaphor for griefthe act of taking steps even when youre tired and feel broken; these are emotional steps you will need to take in your grief journey as well. And as you take these daily steps forward, even small ones, you will find yourself empowered, strengthened, and walking toward hope.

Shortly after my husband passed, I was on a long run, training for a marathon I would complete in his honor. I remember coming home and feeling solace in the middle of my lifes biggest storm. While the hard sweat of my run didnt fix my grief, it did allow me to think, breathe, fight, and ultimately process a loss no thirty-six-year-old woman should be forced to handle. Thats when I realized fitness is the lifeline so many people are searching for. I realized that fitness is the catalyst that empowers another day; it is a place to just be and offers an opportunity to leave expectations, demands, and stress behind. When you use fitness as an active grief tool and as part of a grief treatment program, like the one youll find in part two of this book, you will begin to find strength you never knew you had and a new appreciation for life beyond loss. Fitness can and will set your soul on fireit is that powerful.