Anthony De Mello - Wellsprings: A Book of Spiritual Exercises

Spiritual exercises. I. Title.
[BX2182.2.D393 1986] 248.3 86-4478
eISBN: 978-0-307-80544-7 Copyright 1984 by Anthony de Mello, S.J.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED v3.1 To the Jesuit Order
that I feel so proud
and so unworthy
to belong to. In spite of frequent references to Jesus Christ, whose disciple the author professes himself to be, this book is meant for people of all spiritual affiliations religious, areligious, agnostic, atheistic.

This is true of almost every sentence in an exercise. Often what seems to be an uninspiring set of words when read may prove to be, surprisingly, a gateway to enlightenment when done. If the exercises are practiced in a group, the leader reads one aloud with frequent pauses. Each member of the group, however, must keep his or her own interior pace and not the leaders. In other words, feel free to stay behind while the leader reads ahead; even to ignore his or her words entirely, if you are gripped by something that appeals to you and bids you stay. If you do the exercises alone it is best to read the exercise attentively, then put the book aside and do as much of it as you remember.

Repeated reference to the book will prove distracting. You need not do an exercise in its entirety. You may choose to do a fragment either because you have no time for more or because the fragment offers so much fruit that you feel no inclination to move on to something else. Do an exercise repeatedly, for in the repetition one sometimes gains access to deeper levels; or one breaks the outer crust of an exercise that, when first attempted, proved resistant and unyielding. In working through an exercise, whether alone or in a group, you will sometimes find that writing helps to stimulate the mind when it is sluggish or to center it when it is scattered. But keep in mind that writing is a launching pad to be instantly abandoned once you get off the ground.

Before you start an exercise you must always give yourself some time to seek this disposition: that you embark upon the exercise not for yourself alone but for the welfare of creation, of which you are a part, and that any transformation you experience will redound to the benefit of the world. You will often be surprised to see what a difference it can make when you consciously adopt this attitude. This book is meant to lead from mind to sense, from thought to fantasy and feelingthen, I hope, through feeling, fantasy, and sense to silence. So use it like a staircase to get up to the terrace. Once there, be sure to leave the stairs, or you will not see the sky. When you are brought to silence this book will be your enemy.

Get rid of it.

These ideas have brought me liberation: 4. These beliefs I have outgrown: 5. These convictions I have lived by: 6. These are the things I have lived for: 7. These insights I have gained in the school of life:
insights into God,
the world,
human nature,
Jesus Christ,
love,
religion,
prayer. 8.

These risks I took,
these dangers I have courted: 9. These sufferings have seasoned me: 10. These lessons life has taught me: 11. These influences have shaped my life
(persons, occupations, books, events): 12. These scripture texts have lit my path: 13. These things I regret about my life: 14.

These are my lifes achievements: 15. These persons are enshrined within my heart: 16. These are my unfulfilled desires: I choose an ending for this document: a poemmy own or someone elses; or a prayer; a sketch or a picture from a magazine; a scripture text; or anything that I judge would be an apt conclusion to my testament.

Will it be a day of doing? I list the things I really want to do today. Will it also be a day of being no effort to achieve, to get things done, to gather or possess, but just to be? My life will not bear fruit unless I learn the art of lying fallow, the art of wasting time creatively. So I decide what time to give to play, to purposeless and unproductive interests, to silence, intimacy, rest. And I ask myself what I shall taste today, and touch and smell and listen to and see.

I walk into the tax house to hear him summon Matthew and I witness the effect (Matt. 9:9). I am present when the angel tells her destiny to Mary (Luke 1:2638). I see the risen Lord send Mary on a mission (John 20:1118). When the Voice calls out to Paul on his journey to Damascus I am traveling with him (Acts 9:2226). I see these scenes as taking place, not in the past, but now.

I do not merely watch, I interact participate. I write the story of my own call for my copy of the Bible. Like every scripture text, each word, each phrase is charged with meaning. I visit Peter in his cell before his execution. He looks back on the day when Jesus called him, on the things he saw, and learned, and felt the kind of work, the kind of life he would have had if Jesus had not met him the contrast in todays realities and yesterdays illusions. I look back too on the day when Jesus called me, just as Peter does.

Then Peter shares his feelings at the thought that he must die tomorrow. The call is still alive. Each day it takes me to I know not what till after the event. What was I called to yesterday? The voice that spoke to Peter at the lakeside and to Mary at the tomb I hear it say to me right now, Come I shall send you. I seem to hear those words resounding in my heart repeatedly.