Anthony De Mello - Stop Fixing Yourself: Wake Up, All Is Well

Even though Anthony De Mellos approach reaches such vast dimensions, it is one he made available to anyone willing to enter this work of the soul.

Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul

Anthony De Mello is one of my favorite enlightened guys.

Adyashanti, Open Gate Sangha and author of The End of Your World

I will never forget the feeling of liberation; the sense he made of spirituality, of prayer, of the meaning of life; his humor; his marvelous storytelling. And it was all done in such a personal style.

J. Francis Stroud, S.J. author of Praying Naked

This is your wake-up call! You may not have even realized you were sleepwalking. Most of us are most of the time. Anthony De Mello [is] telling you gently but firmly, Its time to get up now.

Charles Osgood, former host of CBS Sunday Morning

Y ears ago, I came across the work of Anthony (Tony) De Mello and it helped me immensely. It reinforced in me a profound way of being, but, like so many of us, I only applied it sporadically. Then, as fate would have it, I was invited to join the De Mello Spirituality Center to assist in its mission to bring Tonys work even further out into the world. It afforded me the opportunity to delve deeply into Tonys spiritual philosophy and approach and to understand its power to open our eyes to a profound truth: namely, that all is well. Though everything remains a mess, all is well. Given that this is true, it follows that we are all OK, with really nothing to fix or change in ourselves. We are not a problem to be solved. If there is a problem, it is that we have not yet understood this. As a result, we continue being anxious, insecure, fearful, resentful, unforgiving, and aggressive. In short, we suffer, while, as Tony asserts, all around us there is a divinity within easy grasp that would make our lives meaningful, beautiful, and rich, if we would only discover it. Then these things we struggle to fix would change all by themselves. Thats grace, which is what Tony is pointing to, and grace is at the heart of this collection of his writings.

What Tony did for the world was to show how simple this discovery can be. It just requires being fundamentally aware of what is going on inside us until awareness wakes us up to the truth, which awareness is guaranteed to do.

What Tony did for me was to help me understand the way our society programs people to habitually undermine their own happiness and then to blame themselves for it. Again, like so many of us, I was raised on the old formula that had me believing that if I worked hard, success would follow, and then happiness would come out of that. So, I followed the prescription. I worked hard on changing myself and my situation. Then, around the time I happened onto Tonys work, I came to the realization that this formula was not the way happiness happened. It actually blocked happiness by producing a chronic condition of always seeking and never finding. Ironically, the first time I opened one of Tonys books at random, I landed on a page which posed the very question that drives this old formula:

Tonys answer to this question astounded me.

He said, you dont have to do anything; its enough for you to simply be watchful and awake. Awareness, he said, releases reality to change you. He asserted that by simply being aware, all that is false and neurotic within you will drop and your eyes will open to the divinity surrounding you. You will suddenly see that all is well; that you are already happy, right now, and always have been; that you are already at peace right now, and always were, but you just did not know it.

Thats where life becomes beautiful, he said, and all we have to do is to be aware of our reactionspositive and negativeand let grace do the work of restoring us to the experience we were born to have. Do that, Tony said, and you will make the biggest discovery in your life.

Beauty and happiness are what every human being wants, so, I recommitted myself to becoming more aware as Tony described. For two weeks I observed the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that generated the way I reacted to people and events (which mostly were stressful), and how those reactions distorted the way I saw the world. Then one fine day, I experienced the big discovery Tony was pointing to. I discovered that, in that exact moment, I had everything I needed to be happy. The only reason I was ever unhappy or discontent was because I was focused on what I did not have. That discovery happened in New York at Grand Central Station during rush hour. I was late and had missed my train. I was angry with myself, but I managed to step back into awareness. As I stood in the crowd, I observed my angst rattling my nerves, agitating me with anger and self-judging thoughts that were turning into projections, looking to blame someone else. But as I allowed my reaction to be the way it was, getting clear that the reaction was in me and not reality, and refraining from judging myself for having judged myself, the reaction gradually passed. All at once, I was aware of the splendor of Grand Central Station and dazzled by the immense human drama happening all around me. Something wonderful awakened in me and I felt love for every single person in that crowd. It was like a veil had been lifted, revealing the beauty and joy that was always there, free for the taking. Awareness had set me free.

That freedom is what Anthony De Mello is pointing to. Our world needs it more than ever, and you can find your way to freedom in this book.

Don Joseph Goewey,

executive director of the De Mello Spirituality Center

T here is a Tony De Mello story that provides the perfect introduction to this book:

The disciple asks the master, What is more important, meditation or action?

Neither, says the master. Seeing is whats important.

But we see all the time, countered the disciple. See that the golden necklace you so ardently desire is already hanging around your neck.

See that those snakes you imagine biting at your ankles are only harmless pieces of rope. See whats really there.

If you let that story roll around in your brain while reading this book, you will be able to stop fixing yourself. The stories, narratives, and meditations in each section provide you effortless and enjoyable moments of awareness.

Much as a flame disintegrates a piece of cellophane, these moments will gently dissolve the false, neurotic programming within you.

My life changed is the most frequent sentence uttered by those who have discovered the De Mello magic. Though everything around you may be a mess, you are just fine. There is no need to go anywhere else. In the present moment happiness arises all by itself. So it is with this book. You dont have to do anything more. Just let it speak to you.

Desmond Towey,

trustee of the De Mello Spirituality Center

Spirituality means waking up. Some of us get woken up by the harsh realities of life. We suffer so much that we wake up. Other people keep bumping into life again and again. They still go on sleepwalking. They never wake up. Tragically, it never occurs to them that there may be another way. It never occurs to them that there may be a better way. Still, if you havent been bumped sufficiently by life, and you havent suffered enough, then there is another way: to