Michelle Skeen and Kelly Skeen - Just As You Are A Teens Guide to Self-Acceptance and Lasting Self-Esteem

This book provides effective tools for combating feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and low self-esteem that are so common among teens. Readers will learn strategies for self-acceptance, changing negative thinking patterns, and communicating effectively. The book is clear, easy to read, and filled with practical exercises. Highly recommended!

Martin M. Antony, PhD, ABPP , professor of psychology at Ryerson University in Toronto, ON, Canada, and coauthor of The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook and The Anti-Anxiety Workbook

Just As You Are helps young people examine their negative self-stories from a place of compassion and value. The personal stories and exercises will resonate with a broad range of readers. Such a helpful book.

Ben Sedley, PhD , clinical psychologist and author of Stuff That Sucks

A beautiful guide to self-acceptance in the face of the relentless inner critic. The feeling that one isnt good enough, that one is unworthy, is a huge source of pain and paralysis. This book is a game changer, a healing breath of kindness and self-compassion.

Matthew McKay, PhD , coauthor of Self-Esteem

We all struggle with parts of ourselves and feel at some level not okay. But this common need to appear like you have it all together is not only exhausting and disconfirming, its lonely as well. As you read others stories of this same struggle, work through exercises, and challenge your inner critic, you learn to accept yourself Just As You Are with the same care and warmth that you would your best friend.

Janetti Marotta, PhD , author of 50 Mindful Steps to Self-Esteem

So many young people struggle with feeling not good enough, or believing that something is fundamentally wrong with them. Just As You Are is a step-by-step guide to undo those negative core beliefs. Michelle and Kelly Skeen offer tools for understanding yourself, identifying strengths, and changing unhealthy habits. They teach mindfulness and self-compassion in down-to-earth language that will appeal to everyone, even those who are skeptical of self-help books.

Ann Marie Dobosz, MA, MFT , author of The Perfectionism Workbook for Teens

Michelle Skeen has written yet another elegant, reassuring, and, most importantly, useful book. As with her other books, her hand reaches out from the pages with a powerful yet gentle message of guidance and encouragement. At a time when young people are feeling estranged, isolated, and not heard, Michelle offers her unique and reassuring voice; a lifeline from that dark place of self-aversion and unrelenting self-criticism to which many young people wake up each morning.

An addition to Michelles wise counsel is the voice from her daughter Kelly. Too often young folks feel talked to and left not knowing where to begin in their journey of healing. Kelly, from her youthful wisdom, beautifully offers a Hey! Heres how this all works! See, its not so hard! What powerful encouragement!

Thomas Roberts, LCSW , psychotherapist, clinical hypnotherapist, mindfulness and meditation teacher and retreat leader, and author of The Mindfulness Workbook

Michelle and Kelly Skeen have written a powerful tool to help teens navigate the tricky world of self-acceptance. Their words are thought-provoking, genuine, and kind. Teens will relate to the heartfelt stories and learn to embrace and appreciate their authentic self.

Julia V. Taylor, PhD , counselor educator at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, VA; author of The Body Image Workbook for Teens ; and coauthor of The Bullying Workbook for Teens

Just As You Are speaks in a caring and thoughtful voice to the many teens who feel uncomfortable in their own skins. Its filled with carefully crafted exercises that rest on a foundation of self-acceptance and self-compassion. Teens will experience the power that comes with truly being themselves.

Michael A. Tompkins, PhD, ABPP , coauthor of The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook for Teens , and codirector of the San Francisco Bay Area Center for Cognitive Therapy

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2018 by Michelle Skeen and Kelly Skeen

Instant Help Books

An imprint of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup

Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis Hansen

Edited by Kristi Hein

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

To all teens who have ever felt different, inadequate, unworthy, defective, or flawed

Contents

8. How Do I Keep Myself on Track?

References

Acknowledgments

This book would not have been possible without the support of Matt McKay, Catharine Meyers, and Elizabeth Hollis Hansen. They supported our book from the beginning, understanding the importance of getting at the seedlings of negative beliefs before they take root as deeply held core beliefs. We also want to thank the entire New Harbinger family for supporting this project. There are so many individuals who nurtured this book from beginning to end. It is quite remarkable what they accomplish while making it such a pleasant experience for us. Thank you!

I want to thank my daughter, Kelly, for agreeing to write this book with me. When we wrote our first book, Communication Skills for Teens , we started it while she was in high school and finished it during her freshman year of college. As I write these words, she is almost halfway through her senior year in college. This writing project was a significant commitment given her demanding schedule at school (including writing a senior thesis that is the equivalent of a book). It is a uniquely wonderful experience to write a book together, and we have had the privilege of doing it twice. I have learned so much through this process, and I am forever grateful.

Big heart hugs to all of our friends who support us in big and little ways, and most importantly they accept us just as we are. C. S. Lewis said it best: Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one. Its nice to be reminded that we are never alone.

And, last but not least, to the three most important men in our livesJake, Eric (along with a big shout-out for your feedback on the manuscript), and Kellys Daddioyou are simply the best!

Introduction

When you are feeling bad about yourself and struggling, you usually feel even worse because you feel alone with your pain. You might feel that if only someone understood your suffering it would make you feel better. But you also know that this would involve sharing the part or parts of yourself that you are trying to hide. If you feel inadequate, deficient, defective, flawed, or failing in some way, we want you to know that you are not alone. All of us struggle with some aspect of ourselves. This feeling is reinforced and likely made worse by social media and the constant and ever-changing messages you receive about what you need to do, to look like, and to act like in order to be accepted. It can leave you feeling like you need to hide parts of yourself that arent perfect and/or dont fit within the current societal norm. This by itself feels like a setup for failure.