Cohen - Why Your Life Sucks

Table of Contents

To Abraham, Esther,and Jerry

Who remind methat I am alreadya guest at the banquet

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Like a wave about to crest, this book represents an ocean behind it. I am grateful to all of my teachers and friends over many years who have supported me to be who I am and do what I do.

I honor my parents, Robert and Jeane Cohen, for loving me and creating the space for me to make choices that empowered me. May my life be a blessing to your memory.

I am grateful to all of my teachers who have guided and inspired me to fan the flame of truth in my life and turn challenges into stepping stones: Mr. Simmons; Rabbi Stuart Warner; Arlene Unger; Tom Liguori; Ram Dass; Hilda Charlton; Patricia Sun; Leo Buscaglia; A Course in Miracles ; Pat Rodegast and Emmanuel; Carla Gordan and Mary; Savizar and Solera; Jerry and Esther Hicks and Abraham, and many, many more.

This book has come to birth through the shared vision and contribution of many visionary friends. I thank Kimo OBrien for his friendship and support over the years, and his brain-storm for this title; Michael Ebeling for his stalwart dedication and belief in this work and his tireless efforts to deliver it to many recipients; Kathy McDuff for her kindness and efficiency in dealing with clients and colleagues; and Toni Bur-bank, Melanie Milgram, and the staff of Bantam Dell and Random House for their enthusiasm, support, and skillful efforts to bring this book to you.

I especially thank Dee Winn for walking by my side lovingly and supportingly, selflessly empowering me to bring it forth. What a gift in such a companion!

May this book reach all those who can benefit by it, and bless everyone with tools to create a better life.

INTRODUCTION

I can still feel my hand trembling as I grasped the classrooms cold doorknob. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, offered a silent prayer, and entered, standing as tall as I could to keep from caving in. I set my briefcase down on the teachers desk and turned to face the class I would have given anything to avoid. I scanned their faces. Some of them already knew; they sat quite still. Others did not know yet; they were chatting amiably, some laughing. Soon their lightheartedness would give way to shock and dismay.

I took another breath and gathered all the strength I could. Good evening, I began. They all quieted. I hesitated a moment, then forced myself to speak. I have some very sad news to tell you. I could sense their apprehension. Dr. Doughty will not be with us tonight... or again.... He passed away over the weekend. The rest of the faces blanched. I paused and felt my jaw clench. There was no more avoiding it. Spit it out. He took his own life.

A wave of gasps shot through the class. Then came the tears.

It was done.

At the age of 22, I was the graduate teaching assistant for a college class for adults seeking to return to the workforce. The course was intended to inspire them to build their self-esteem to achieve their personal and professional goals. Six weeks into the class, their professor locked himself in his garage, turned on his car engine, and asphyxiated himself. Not very inspiring. Try abysmally discouraging. Now I had to pick up the pieces, get the class back on track, and give these people some hope that their future would be brighter than their teachers.

No one had any clue that Dr. Doughty was so unhappy. A nice-looking man in his late thirties, with a boyish grin, the professor was brilliant and charismatic. His life seemed charmed, with a prestigious well-paying position, many friends, and an attractive devoted girlfriend. Yet even while Dr. Doughty had an advanced degree in psychology and taught others how to make sense of their lives, he could not find purpose in his own. In spite of all appearances, Dr. Doughtys life sucked. And it sucked to the point that he thought he had to leave it in order to find peace.

That night I quit believing in facades of happiness. It became clear to melike a two-by-four between the eyesthat there are all kinds of things going on inside of people that we dont hear about until it is too late. That people who appear successful on the outside are often aching on the inside. That couples who smile and look great at parties often go home feeling empty and lost, and their marriages end in affairs loaded with pain and heartache. That people with great bodies or whopping bank accounts have no idea who their real friends are and go to sleep lonelier than those who are poorer and less attractive. Many peoples lives suck and onlookers never know it. Many peoples lives suck and they dont know it. Or they do, but they cant figure out how to escape the prison whose walls seem too thick to break through and too high to scale.

If your life sucks in any way, if the life you are living on the outside doesnt match who you are on the inside, or if you are hurting and feel powerlessthis book offers you a road map out of hell. You can either go on putting up with your pain and die a little bit more each day as you helplessly drift from your dreams and hearts desiresor you can take the way out.

Perhaps your whole life doesnt suck. Maybe one aspect of it sucks. Maybe its your job, or your relationship, or your money, or you just dont feel well. Or maybe things are good most of the time, and they suck some of the time. It doesnt matter. When it sucks, it sucks. Do you want to just settle for a less-than life, or would you like to get it handled?

Sucks used to be a dirty word, but now we hear it everywhere. You can say it on television, in school, and read it in movie reviews. The word is brilliantly descriptive! When something sucks, it saps your energy and undermines the quality of your life. It makes you feel smaller and wish you hadnt participated. It sabotages your joy and you walk away feeling crummy.

When it comes to your life sucking, you cant just walk away from it. You cant just put your life aside and go on to something else that feels better. When your life sucks, thats serious. Its a big wake-up call. Its an invitation to do something different. Not more of the same. If coins keep falling out of a hole in your pocket, the answer is not to go out and get a second job. The answer is to plug the hole.

This book will help you find and patch any leaks in your system. It is honest and practical, with teeth. I grew up in New Jersey, you know (Exit 9). Jersey people can get in your face if they want to. But so can life. If your life is getting in your face, you might want to know why, so you can do something about it before it gets worse. As you face and plug each hole, you will transform every challenge into a gift. Together we can turn tragedy into triumph and make it all a win.

Just a few pages from now, Ill walk you through the ten most common things you might be doing that can make your life suck. Then Ill show you how to reverse them. You are not a victimyou are a powerful creator. You can make the changes in your life that will get you the results you want. I guarantee that if you practice the principles you learn here, your life will change for the better. Plugging one leak at a time. Along the way, you might even fall in love with yourself.

One more thing: I have done all the things you read that make life suck. I am writing from my own experience. I am an expert on these points because I have messed up so many times that I figured out what not to do again. If I can save you some of the bleeding-chin learning curve, that would make us both happy. I am simply passing along to you some of the sewing techniques that keep stuff from falling out of my pockets.