Alan Cohen - Why Your Life Sucks

Why Your Life Sucks

... And What You Can Do About It

Alan H. Cohen

Also by Alan Cohen

Books

Are You as Happy as Your Dog?

Dare to Be Yourself

A Deep Breath of Life

The Dragon Doesnt Live Here Anymore*

Handle With Prayer*

Happily Even After

Have You Hugged a Monster Today?

I Had It All the Time*

Joy Is My Compass

Lifestyles of the Rich in Spirit

Looking in for Number One

My Fathers Voice

The Peace That You Seek

Rising in Love

Setting the Seen

The Wisdom of the Heart

* Also available as Book on Tape

Cassette Tapes and CD

Deep Relaxation

Eden Morning

I Believe in You

Journey to the Center of the Heart (also CD)

Living from the Heart

Peace

Video

Wisdom of the Spirit

To Abraham, Esther, and Jerry,

In appreciation for the wisdom you share and the light you shine.

I can still feel my hand trembling as I grasped the classrooms cold doorknob. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, offered a silent prayer, and entered, standing as tall as I could to keep from caving in. I set my briefcase down on the teachers desk and turned to face the class I would have given anything to avoid. I scanned their faces. Some of them already knew; they sat quite still. Others did not know yet; they were chatting amiably, some laughing. Soon their lightheartedness would give way to shock and dismay.

I took another breath and gathered all the strength I could. Good evening, I began. They all quieted. I hesitated a moment, then forced myself to speak. I have some very sad news to tell you. I could sense their apprehension. Dr. Doughty will not be with us tonight... or again...

he passed away over the weekend. The rest of the faces blanched. I paused and felt my jaw clench. There was no more avoiding it. Spit it out. He took his own life.

A wave of gasps shot through the class. Then came the tears.

It was done.

At the age of 22, I was the graduate teaching assistant for a college class for adults seeking to return to the work force. The course was intended to inspire them to build their self-esteem to achieve their personal and professional goals. Six weeks into the class, their professor locked himself in his garage, turned on his car engine, and asphyxiated himself. Not very inspiring. Try abysmally discouraging. Now I had to pick up the pieces, get the class back on track, and give these people some hope that their future would be brighter than their teachers.

No one had any clue that Dr. Doughty was so unhappy. A nice-looking man in his late 30s, with a boyish grin, the professor was brilliant and charismatic. His life seemed charmed with a prestigious well-paying position, many friends, and an attractive devoted girlfriend. Yet even while Dr. Doughty had an advanced degree in psychology and taught others how to make sense of their lives, he could not find purpose in his own. In spite of all appearances, Dr. Doughtys life sucked. And it sucked to the point that he thought he had to leave it in order to find peace.

That night I quit believing in facades of happiness. It became clear to melike a two-by-four between the eyesthat there are all kinds of things going on inside of people that we dont hear about until it is too late. That people who appear successful on the outside are often aching on 4

the inside. That couples who smile and look great at parties often go home feeling empty and lost, and their marriages end in affairs loaded with pain and heartache. That people with great bodies or whopping bank accounts have no idea who their real friends are and go to sleep lonelier than those who are poorer and less attractive. Many peoples lives suck and onlookers never know it. Many peoples lives suck and they dont know it. Or they do, but they cant figure out how to escape the prison whose walls seem too thick to break through and too high to scale.

If your life sucks in any way; if the life you are living on the outside doesnt match who you are on the inside; or if you are hurting and feel powerlessthis book offers you a roadmap out of hell. You can either go on putting up with your pain and die a little bit more each day as you helplessly drift from your dreams and hearts desires- or you can take the way out.

Perhaps your whole life doesnt suck. Maybe one aspect of it sucks. Maybe its your job, or your relationship, or your money, or you just dont feel well. Or maybe things are good most of the time, and they suck some of the time. It doesnt matter. When it sucks, it sucks. Do you want to just settle for a less-than life, or would you like to get it handled?

Sucks used to be a dirty word, but now we hear it everywhere. You can say it on television, in school, and read it in movie reviews. The word is brilliantly descriptive! When something sucks, it saps your energy and undermines the quality of your life. It makes you feel smaller and wish you hadnt participated. It sabotages your joy and you walk away feeling crummy.

When it comes to your life sucking, you cant just walk away from it. You cant just put your life aside and go on to something else that feels better. When your life sucks, thats serious. Its a big wake-up call. Its an invitation to do something different. Not more of the same. If coins keep falling out of a hole in your pocket, the answer is not to go out and get a second job. The answer is to plug the hole.

This book will help you find and patch any leaks in your system. It is honest and practical, with teeth. I grew up in New Jersey, you know (Exit 9). Jersey people can get in your face if they want to. But so can life. If your life is getting in your face, you might want to know why, so you can do something about it before it gets worse. As you face and plug each hole, you will transform every challenge into a gift. Together we can turn tragedy into triumph and make it all a win.

Just a few pages from now, Ill walk you through the ten most common things you might be doing that can make your life suck. Then Ill show you how to reverse them. You are not a victimyou are a powerful creator. You can make the changes in your life that will get you the results you want. I guarantee that if you practice the principles you learn here, your life will change for the better. Plugging one leak at a time. Along the way, you might even fall in love with yourself.

One more thing: I have done all the things you read that make life suck. I am writing from my own experience. I am an expert on these points because I have messed up so many times that I figured out what not to do again. If I can save you some of the bleeding-chin learning curve, that would make us both happy. I am simply passing along to you some of the sewing techniques that keep stuff from falling out of my pockets.

The process doesnt have to be hard. Were going to enjoy the journey. Well laugh as we go.

As you unravel the nots in your life and reduce the size of your but, you will experience a new sense of freedom and exhilaration. The only thing harder than waking up is staying asleep in a nightmare. Lets do it. Its time.

Acknowledgments

Like a wave about to crest, this book represents an ocean behind it. I am grateful to all of my teachers and friends over many years who have supported me to be who I am and do what I do.

I honor my parents, Robert and Jeane Cohen, for loving me and creating the space for me to make choices that empowered me. May my life be a blessing to your memory.

I am grateful to all of my teachers who have guided and inspired me to fan the flame of truth in my life and turn challenges into stepping stones: Mr. Simmons; Rabbi Stuart Warner; Arlene Unger; Tom Liguori; Ram Dass; Hilda Charlton; Patricia Sun; Leo Buscaglia;