Frank - Cut the Crap and Feel Amazing

Take Control of Alcohol

Stop Binge Drinking for Women

Stop Binge Drinking for Men

Build Confidence & Self-esteem

Money Increase Your Wealth

Get Out of Debt

Weight Loss for Women

Weight Loss for Men

Heartbreak and Loss

Comfortable Sex for Women

Let Go of Health Worries

De-stress Your Life

Stop Worrying

Study Motivation and Exam Success

Relaxation for Children and Teens

Visit www.ailsafrank.com to check for new titles.

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Text Ailsa Frank, 2017

First published in 2014 by Ailsa Frank Wellbeing, Ltd.
(ISBN: 978-0-95642-167-8)

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

The information given in this book should not be treated as a substitute for professional medical advice; always consult a medical practitioner. Any use of information in this book is at the readers discretion and risk. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any loss, claim or damage arising out of the use, or misuse, of the suggestions made, the failure to take medical advice or for any material on third-party websites.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-1-78180-922-8 in print
ISBN 978-1-78180-948-8 in ePub format
ISBN 978-1-78180-949-5 in Kindle format

Layout by Matt Swann Creative Ltd.

For Assaf, Francesca, Jane, Lydia, Dana, my AMAZING clients, the staff at Starbucks in Camberley for making me coffees during the writing of this book and everyone who has been part of my life.

Every action in life has a consequence, which might be brief and contained or, like the ripple created when you drop a pebble into a lake, it may spread out. Sometimes, situations arise in our lives as the result of our own actions and reactions, and sometimes other peoples actions send out the ripples that create our reality.

As children, we have little, if any, control over the circumstances of our own lives. And although we have more control as adults, the choices and decisions we make will be based on our upbringing and childhood experiences. But whatever those experiences have been, each one of us ultimately has the ability to steer our own life course.

I was able to write this book because of my life experiences, because of the questions I have asked, the answers I have discovered, and the years I have spent working as a therapist, helping people to improve their mindset and cope better with their own lives.

Life is simply a series of phases, each one leading you on to the next, which is something worth remembering if youre experiencing stressful or challenging times: whatever is happening is a phase and you will pass through it.

In 2002, my life looked perfect from the outside. Behind the scenes, however, my 19-year marriage was falling apart. And so was I. In the autumn of that year, I had a mental breakdown and spent a period of time in a psychiatric unit, which is when my whole world changed. My life flipped dramatically from working and being a mother to my gorgeous 10-year-old daughter to later living alone in a bedsit.

I had been a kind and caring person, but in the process of always looking out for others I had ignored my own needs for too long, until eventually Id become so swamped by everyone elses cares and responsibilities that I lost myself. Then, after my marriage broke down, the people I assumed would be there for me, werent. I know for some of them it was because they were scared by my behaviour during my mental breakdown and didnt know how to react to me.

The bottom line was that as well as losing my mind, I lost custody of my daughter, my home, my family, my friends, my dog, my money, my car and my belongings. It was as if my entire world had been erased like chalk from a blackboard. As a loving and devoted mother, I had spent 10 years trying to make my daughters world perfect. Then, in one fell swoop, I had let her down. I did eventually rebuild my relationship with her, but it would be eight years before I saw her on her birthday again, and even longer than that before I spent another Christmas day with her. What I missed most during that time was just being there for her and doing all the normal things we take for granted, such as making breakfast and watching television together.

Through the most difficult and lonely times, I struggled to rebuild my life and come to terms with the fact that I couldnt simply step back into the world Id dropped out of, because my breakdown had changed everything. Instead, I had to search for ways to help myself so that I could be strong, not only for my own sake but also for my daughter. I chose not to take anti-depressants during that time, because I knew that they would simply mask my underlying problems. What I had to do was face my circumstances head on and learn to cope with my new reality.

I made a decision quite early on during the period of my recovery that, somehow, my life would be AMAZING, despite everything that had happened. Today, perhaps the most AMAZING thing about it is the relationship I now have with my daughter.

Luckily, during the lowest point in my life, I met someone who loved and supported me, because he could see who I really was. He told me later that the reason he had stayed with me during some of my low points was because he could see that, even when I was desperate because I had no contact with my child, I was constantly moving forward. That man is now my husband, and the support he gave me at that terrible time helped me enormously. I realized then that the key to improving your life is to keep changing and evolving by changing your mindset, so that you never become stuck in a bad situation.

Although I now have good relationships with my family and ex-husband, I know what it feels like not to be believed or approved of by your friends and family, and how difficult it is to have to learn to cope alone. I also know that if I can change myself and the circumstances of my life, every client who comes to me feeling lost, stressed, upset or unable to cope can make their life AMAZING too.

When I started out as a therapist, I hoped to be able to use the knowledge I had gained for myself to help just one person. Little did I know that I would end up helping thousands, which is something Im immensely proud of, because everyones life matters not just to them, but to me too.