Recorded Books Inc. - The Lies We Believe

AUTHORS NOTE: Clients names and details of their stories have been changed to protect their identities.

1999 by Dr. Chris Thurman

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ISBN: 978-1-4185-7062-0 (eBook)

Library of Congress CataloginginPublication Data

Thurman, Chris.
The lies we believe / Chris Thurman.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7852-6377-7
1. Christian life. 2. Conduct of life. 3. Errors, Popular. I. Title.
BV4501.3.T5 2003
248.4dc21

2003002221

08 09 10 11 12 QW 16 15 14 13 12

This book is dedicated to my wife,
Holly,
and my three children,
Matthew, Ashley, and Kelly.
I am a rich man because of you.

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My thanks to the staff at Thomas Nelson Publishers for allowing me to take my first three books (The Lies We Believe, The Truths We Must Believe, and The Lies We Believe Workbook) and put them into this one volume. It has been a pleasure to work with such a great group of people. Special thanks to Janet Thoma, who has been with me from the very start of my writing endeavors and has been especially supportive over the years. Janet, your efforts on my behalf mean more to me than you will ever know.

Lynda Stephenson, Dr. Dennis Hensley, and Bill Butterworth served as editors on my original books. Each did a great job of taking my unpolished drafts and turning them into books that expressed what I wanted to say better than I could. Thank you for making me look as though I know how to write.

Dr. Frank Minirth and Dr. Paul Meier were very encouraging to me about taking my interest in cognitive therapy and turning it into a book. Without their support it wouldnt have happened. Thank you for championing my desire to write and to conduct seminars on this topic.

I owe a debt of gratitude to colleagues in the field of cognitive therapy: Dr. Albert Ellis (whose A-B-C model of emotional health and writings on irrational beliefs play a significant part in this book), Dr. David Burns (whose writings on cognitive distortions form the basis of Chapter 5), Dr. William Backus, Dr. Larry Crabb, and Dr. David Stoop. Each has made a significant contribution to helping us understand the destructive role that faulty thinking plays in our lives, and my efforts truly stand on their shoulders.

I am deeply indebted to my clients over the years for allowing me to take an intimate look inside their lives. They have shown me what courage is all about as they attempted to face the truth and grow into mature human beings. I owe them more than they know, and I will never be the same for having been allowed the privilege of working with them.

My family is the greatest earthly blessing of my life. Holly, thank you for twenty years of love and support. You, more than anyone else, graciously sacrificed so that what I felt called to write about could be put into print. Thank you for being there for me in so many ways. Matthew, Ashley, and Kelly, you have given me more to smile about and be thankful for than you will ever know. I thank God for blessing me with you.

My utmost thanks are to God for loving me and patiently walking along with me as my journey through life has unfolded. If there is anything of value in this book, God was gracious enough to use me as His mouthpiece to say it. I will never fully understand why God called someone like me to be His. The fact that He did is the most significant event of my life and always will be.

Finally, to you, the reader, I want to say Thanks for choosing this book. My prayer is that God will bless your efforts to read it and that the truth you learn from this book will help set you free.

Chris Thurman, Ph.D.
Austin, Texas
October 1998

He enlisted in the navy at age sixteen. Early in his career he was chosen for a program aimed at turning promising seamen like himself into officers. Not only did he become an officer, but he rose up through the ranks to become an admiral. As if that were not enough, he was the first enlisted man in the history of the navy to become chief of naval operations, the highest ranking officer in the navy. He was a dedicated and loving family man, admired by the people who served under him, and a living testimony to how far hard work and perseverance can take a person.

On May 23, 1996, he took a .38-caliber handgun, pointed it at his chest, pulled the trigger, and killed himself.

Why? Why would someone who had achieved so much, who was respected by so many, and who had such an important position do such a thing?

If you believe the newspaper and magazine accounts, it was because the man made a mistake he simply couldnt live with. He supposedly made the mistake of wearing commendation ribbons on his uniform that he was not entitled to wear. In the navy, that is an offense punishable by court-martial and expulsion from the service.

But was that what led this man, Admiral Mike Boorda, to commit suicide? Was it wearing medals he had not earned the right to wear? Was it the fact that the press had found out and was closing in on him? Was it that he felt he had dishonored the very organization that had been his whole life since he was a teenager?

No, in the final analysis, I dont believe that any of these factors were the true cause of Admiral Boordas death. What really killed Admiral Boorda was neither painful circumstances nor a self-inflicted gunshot to the chest.

Lies killed Admiral Boorda.

Not lies he may have told others. Not lies others may have told him. Admiral Boordas death was caused by the lies he told himself. And the lies you tell yourself every day are killing you as well. Every lie that goes through your mind is slow, self-inflicted psychological and spiritual death. Every lie you think costs you your life. The lies we believe are the mental bullets that kill our souls, and they inflict significant damage often without our even realizing it until it is too late.

Sometimes it takes a personal crisis such as the one Admiral Boorda faced for the lies we believe to surface. It may be getting laid off from a job, being in a troubled marriage, finding out you have a terminal illness, struggling with an addiction, or having something tragic happen to one of your children. Even minor events, such as getting stuck in traffic, having someone cut in front of you in line, or waiting for a person who is a few minutes late, can do the trick. But whatever the circumstance may be, we often realize we were not mentally armed with the right thoughts and thus unable to handle life effectively.